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If I can do it, so can you…

I wanted to share a very special moment with all of you, not only in my crossdressing life but in my life in general.  I only joined this site a few months ago, however, I have grown by leaps and bounds ever since. Even though I have been crossdressing on and off for many years, it wasn’t until March of this year that I accepted who and what I was.

Early this past March I wasn’t in a good place, I was getting a little depressed about my life as it was. There was something missing and I couldn’t put my finger on it. My crossdressing inventory at the time was scant, to say the least, but one morning I woke up and dug out what I had, and while I was putting on a pair of stocking, I realized how good it felt when I got dressed up. Then it hit me, this is what I was missing.

Another thing I noticed, that even though I only had a limited inventory, was that I really didn’t look that good in what I had. Previously, during the times of my past little depression episodes, I would substitute food for the real issue at hand, and I gained a lot of weight. I decided right then and there that I would expand my inventory, go on a diet, and expand my participation in this activity.  In other words, I would go all in “go all in.”  I made an appointment with my doctor, right then and there, to get his advice on a “real” and SAFE diet plan.  With that out of the way, I was off to explore what I would need to “dress” the way I wanted to feel.

I was deeply closeted, so going to buy things in brick and mortar stores was out.  So I got online and started ordering everything I thought I would need, but not having any clue about size conversions and so on, I made many mistakes. I still have an inventory of brand new shoes and clothes in the wrong sizes. Makeup was another issue, not only where to get it, but how to use or apply it properly.  After a couple of months of doing makeup on my own (and getting less than stellar results), I decided to a search for help.

However, I had not yet accepted what I was. I think I had a phobia of even uttering the word “Cross Dresser” or even worse, “transgendered.”  Somehow I did type both of those words into my search engine and many different sites came up.  But after seeing some of them, I was even more scared. At last, when I hit the link to Crossdresser Heaven, bells and whistles went off. Finally, a site that looked like it had good and useful information, yet, I was still scared. I asked myself what was I doing here? Is this who and what I am? Again the lights came on and I felt a rush go through me, and I just admitted it, this IS who I am.  So, I joined Crossdresser Heaven and gave myself a Femme name and the acceptance had begun.  Not only with my inner being, but with responses to my introduction within the site. I immediately started getting responses and every one of them was kind and helpful. Here I found acceptance, not ridicule, I was truly welcomed, and what a feeling that was. At that point, not only did I accept the fact I was transgender, but I fully embraced it. In fact, I even considered transitioning, even questioning my other preferences.  Neither of those things has happened so far, but the fact I considered them was “big” to me.

Since then, I have grown in leaps and bounds and I no longer consider myself a newbie. In fact, I find myself actually giving advice and helping people. I now feel at home with my CD/transgender status and I’ve grown so much more tolerant in general. I have lost almost 50 pounds since I started this journey, I have posted pictures of myself all dressed up in many different types of outfits, which is something I would never have thought I could do. I’ve been watching the progress slowly appearing over the time, with every little step I have taken. Yet, I have had one more thing I needed to do, that is to step out of the closet and into the open as “Erica”.

It had gotten to the point that “going out” was becoming another issue in itself. Around the 4th of July, I decided to take a “baby step.” I carefully checked up and down the street for any neighbors (Nope looks good) and I then went out to the mailbox as “Erica”. I grabbed the mail and then got back in the house as fast as my 5″ heels would allow me.  What a thrill!  Again, I checked for neighbors (nope, all clear), I then watered all the outside plants en femme. I did this for several days, but it still didn’t satisfy my desire, so I knew I had to go further.

Fortunately, I have made many friends here, and they all have been very supportive. One in particular, “Karen” was one of the few friends I have that actually lives in the same State as I do. We have talked many times and I wanted to meet “her” anyway. We have been trying to schedule this meeting for a long time.  However, also being pretty much closeted and with the added responsibility of being a single parent and having a job, it was tough for her to make these arrangements. Well after what seemed like forever, we finally decided that this weekend was the one.

I was so excited yet scared at the same time, as to whether I could actually drive over 125 miles one way as “Erica”. Since I didn’t want our first meeting to me in drab, and I also wasn’t feeling too good about stopping somewhere along the way and trying to dress and put makeup on in some strange location. I made the decision, Erica was taking a road trip.  A couple hours later I met Karen, who was still in drab, outside her home. She recognized me from my pictures and waved me into her driveway. I did it! Being that far from home helped a lot as far as not feeling like I might be “outed”, and I felt very much at ease. We hit off like I hoped we would. She showed me her home and fixed me a meal, she was the perfect hostess. She got “dressed” a little while later and we spent the rest of night talking and taking a few pictures.

The next day, while I was “dressed”,  we went shopping for “women’s clothes” at local thrift stores and had a wonderful time. Later that night, while both of us were now “dressed” we visited a “safe” location to have a drink or two. While there we met 3 other fellow CD’s who introduced themselves, and they were very pleasant and new friendships were made.

However, Sunday morning came around all too soon and I had to leave. The entire time I was as there I never once left my “Erica” persona, I was always “dressed” and in character.  We said our goodbyes, knowing we made a strong, and long-term friendship. I drove home as Erica, all the time thinking of all the things I had accomplished over the last couple of days. And how the events that had just unfolded made this a truly life-changing and satisfying experience. “Erica” will never see the darkness of that closet again, she is now free to do what she wants, whenever and wherever that desire may take her… For all of you who long for or want to do the same, if I can do it, so can you.

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Erica Cartman

Hi, I am a transitioning transgendered "woman" who is looking to improve herself. l have grown so much since joining this and it's sister site and I am living almost 24/7 as a woman....I'm always looking to meet and talk to new friends who share similar interests in growth, especially persons who live local or with a reasonable travel distance for possible meet and greets. .I am caring person, and I'd be glad to share my experiences and help anyone who has questions or fears, maybe confused about their being a CD/Trans-person or transitioning...So if you would like to talk, meet or share, please drop me a line...Thank You!

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Bianca Everdene
Lady
Active Member

Well done Erica, such a buzz being who we want to be in public, just feels so right, and yes makes you feel so good inside looking our beautiful best on the outside.

Sapphire Ribbons
Lady
Member

Erica, You are such an inspiration! You own it Girl! And looking damn sexy!!
Hugs,Sapphire

Chrissie Cross
Lady
Member

Thanks for sharing Erica!!! I’m so happy for you!!! I look forward to hearing about future conquests!!!
With love, your friend,
Chrissie

Helena
Lady
Member

AWWW…. I want to cry
So so proud of you, Erica! So inspirational. I want nothing but good tbings for you, sweetie!! Thank you for sharing!

Ivy
Duchess

Keep it up, sweet heart. Your story brought a tear to my eye, I’m so glad you were able to accomplish o much. I’ve only been out en femme once and i was her all weekend thankfully had my wonderful wife with me. I applaud you Erica and wish only the best most amazing life being who you want to be

Sarah Mack
Lady

Thank you Erica for sharing such an amazing story of inspiration

Lori Shane
Baroness
Member

Thank you i hope to be as brave someday

Stephanie Bass
Lady
Member

Great article thank you Erica I hope that I will be as strong as you one day.

Allison Kinsley
Lady

Beautiful, I wish I had your courage!

April (Pacific Princess)
Ambassador
Member

I loved this Erica! So much growth so quickly – that is amazing! I am so glad that you found CDH to be a safe and welcoming site. That is what we have been striving for and that is what we hope all the ladies here find. I too had a bit of an epiphany a couple of years ago which gave me the courage to venture forth as April and I haven’t regretted it for a second. Although I don’t dress all that often, my feminine side makes me a kinder, more sensual and loving person, and I feel… Read more »

*skippy1965(Cynthia)
Ambassador
Active Member

Awesome Erica! So happy for you and always glad to know the site had a positive impact i someone’s life. I was where you were three to five years ago and joined here in August 2015.. CDH helped me accept my dressing and I do so whenever I want now! Thanks for sharing your story!

Terri
Baroness

Erica, great story. You took a giant step. I remember the first time i went out 40 years ago enfemme like it was yesterday. It had a profound effect on my life. Today there are so many of us out there. I wish I had known that when I was young. Knowing that you are not alone helps.

Kallie
Duchess

Thank you Erica, I’m encouraged by your progress, one day soon I hope I will do the same.

Lisa watson
Duchess

Awesome

Rozalyne Richards
Lady
Member

Well done Erica I’m so happy for you hun x I’ve still got to take that one step myself it would be wonderful to open that closet door and step out into the world, i hope one day that Rozalyne will take that giant step and show the girl inside, hugs and kisses Rozalyne x

Helen Elizabeth
Guest
Helen Elizabeth

Hi Erica, I’ve been away from things for a while. What a lovely story, well done! Helen Elizabeth.

Danika
Lady

What a great story. I know how terrifying that first time out could be. The one is, is that once you come out of the closet, there is no going back. And what a great feeling that is.

Dame Veronica Graunwolf
Duchess
Member

Hi Erica…..what a lovely story. I am so happy for you that you found yourself and are content.
Life can be a joy when we know how to do it. Look forward to hearing more from you girl……..Till then…….

Hugs and kissex……

Dame Veronica

JaiymeLynne
Duchess
Member

Erica, thank you for sharing your story. It inspires me. I am on a similar journey and your words make me feel like i CAN do it to.
JaiymeLynne

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