I think most of us have heard this before from women, “Men just wouldn’t be able to handle one day of a woman’s life.”

I believe they’re right; at least when talking about crossdressers in general. Let’s imagine this scenario… You get a windfall of, say, $100,000. After using $80,000 to pay off any debt, home improvement, etc, you end up with $20,000 that you can use for anything you want.

Your wife -who is aware of your crossdressing – and kids are going to be out of the country for one month, and one day after they’re gone your company announces that your place of work is going to be remodeled; you get four weeks of paid leave.

All of your friends and relatives are mostly out of the picture. I think you get where I’m going. You’re all by yourself, no worries about money, no stresses about work or family, and you can finally take some time all for yourself. You’ve always wondered what it would be like to spend several days living full time as a woman; now is the chance! You even clear your plans with your wife so there aren’t any feelings of guilt.

You pack your bags and go to a large city where you’ve leased a furnished apartment for the occasion. You do your shopping, lots of it, and you have everything you need! Clothes, shoes, makeup, shoes, hair, shoes, accessories, shoes, etc. And now… it’s time to enjoy and experience living almost three weeks fulltime as a woman!

Or is it?

It’s time to be real and honest: What did you picture yourself doing those weeks? More shopping? Clubbing? Just dressing up and staying in? Taking long perfumed hot baths? Taking lots and lots of photographs? Finding a support group?

You have your bag of men’s clothes, which you will need to change into so you can pick up takeout food, or buy wine and cigarettes; you know you will be carded, or you’ll need them in case you have to change a tire or go visit your aunt who lives in the area. Maybe your team will be playing over the weekend and you have tickets to the game!

All those girly activities and the safety net of knowing that you can always “Jump back into drab” as needed. If any of the previous ideas crossed your mind, honey, you’re not even close to experiencing what it would be like spending full time as a woman. You would be spending those weeks as a lucky crossdresser at best, living in fantasyland.

I think it would be a magnificent educational opportunity for everybody to have a chance to experience a real woman’s life. So… let’s change things up a bit, shall we?

For starters, you wouldn’t have any single item of men’s clothing. On a weekday, you wake up early enough so that you are ready to go out, either driving your own car or catching public transportation for a trek downtown or to the suburbs to look for a job. You interview at a store, the mall, something; congrats, you’ve got a job! Now spend all day long out there, with few breaks, dealing with others, so that when you get home you’ll be able to relate as to why your wife kicks off her heels and takes off her bra, swearing how she’ll never wear hose again.

You had plans to go clubbing almost daily—oh the excitement! But…there are still womanly things to do. A day or two before the big night, you realize you need some sleep to be able to keep up with your daily duties at work. When you get home from work, how about dressing up nicely so you can get started on cleaning up the place? You always liked doing your laundry, and household chores in your French maid’s uniform. Bring them on; you’ll have them done in no time flat, all the while you’re wearing your sexy lingerie and those killer 6″ stilettos, right? Ah yes, you need groceries, too. You downgrade to 4″ heels because you refuse to look all frumpy like most women when you go to the market. You jump in the shower and take your time to get your makeup done, pick a nice outfit to wear, add jewelry and accessories only to realize that it’s now too late to go shopping for groceries. Having fun yet?

The weekend is coming, and you can’t wait! Party time! Your boss calls and you have to work on Saturday afternoon. Finally, on Saturday evening you are ready to go clubbing! You get ready, (no less than 3 hours even when trying to hurry) and get to the LGBT friendly bar that you’ve been to before, only to out find that it’s closed. Will you dare going to a mainstream place?

I think that you are getting the point. This is what both cis and trans-women see in us. Many of them are of the opinion that crossdressers are just pretending. And in many cases, they’re right. We “dress-up” only when we want and wear the pretty new clothes just purchased. Oh and how we love heels, the higher the better. In our world all we have to do is kick them off when we’re tired or our feet hurt. Most of our crossdressing activities are fun; such as shopping, going out with friends or to clubs, movies, etc. We don’t really participate in the daily responsibilities our wives and SOs have to. And we dare ask them how come they aren’t wearing a nice dress when they go pick up the kids up from school! They live in reality, not in a world of fantasy where every day is a party and there is both fun in staying home or going out with friends.

I didn’t have those exact circumstances (I wish!), but I did have two weeks for myself; a few days were going to be at home and the other days traveling to meet with friends. I made the compromise not to pack any single item of men’s clothes. Yes, I had a great time. Yes, I enjoyed spending time with friends, going shopping, going to the nail salon, and clubbing. But also, there were many times when dressing up felt more like a chore. Spending one hour or even only 30 minutes getting ready just so to go get a cup of coffee, when I could have done it in 30 seconds flat in guy mode, was exhausting!

At the end, on the 12th day, I decided to go back home earlier than planned. I had to drive back to my home town and I was tired… I was outside of a convenience store, sitting next to my car smoking a cigarette, wearing shorts, a simple top, sandals, and almost no makeup when a nice woman walking past engaged me in conversation. She asks if I’m ok; I told her I was on my way home and was only tired. She wished me luck. It was one of my nicest interactions with people, and one where I believe that she just saw me as another woman wishing to be done with her day.

Many here wonder at times if they could live full time as females. Sometimes, I ask myself if I could get away with it; living full time/ transitioning. I think I could. But you see; that is the thing. People shouldn’t transition because they can, but only because they must! I don’t have to! I enjoy my life as it is. I like being a husband and a dad, a project lead at work, a good son, etc.

Being able to have some chances to dress up and present as a woman is good enough for me. Notice I didn’t say “chances to be me.” I am me all the time, regardless of the clothes I’m wearing.

I wish everybody could live a similar experience as I did. I would expect that for many they would discover that they don’t need more than what they currently have. Maybe they’ll find out that the grass isn’t greener for all, and hopefully gain new appreciation for their everyday life…and that of their spouses and partners. It’s ok to pretend and to just be who we are, just as it’s ok to want to live authentically. There’s plenty of room for all.

The following two tabs change content below.
The clothes I wear do not define who I am. I am the same person regardless if I present as a man in jeans and a plaid shirt or as a woman in a gorgeous gown. That may have been the most important moment in my self awareness. I don’t have a girl side or a guy side competing in one body. When I get to present as a woman I’m being myself as much as I am myself in my every day life. Being able to realize that I don't have to separate my personality in a "Feminine side" and a "masculine side", but that every aspect in me should be integrated into a well balanced persona was very liberating.
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51 Comments
  1. Sofi 3 months ago

    Gabriela!

    Girl you said it exactly like it is for me 🙂

    Gender is a made-up social construct and flitting between a male/female isn’t what it is about for me either – I love to be able to go out in nice, girly clothes and not even worry about my balding grey hair. (hey – just so I don’t look completely stupid I have a nice little beanie to hide that hair issue, but it usually gets taken off once I’m relaxed in a situation – guess it’s my safety/comfort blanket)

    My bod looks fit and hot in the right clothes, well, to me at least and hopefully some cis girls out there too even if most people probably think ‘what an idiot’ I’m now old enough and confident enough about mySELF that I just don’t give a shit – I think I look good, so f*** you!

    I’d rather look like a bloke trying to ‘own’ some hot girly clothing than some barely-passable attempt at looking like a real Woman – sure I do love to do the whole make-up, wig, bra + falsies with heels (or boots, mmm, I do like boots) but just for going out to CD events where it’s acceptable to make all that effort and dress to the nines, rather than going out and pretending I’m a Woman…

    Contradictory Moi? Vous? Well aren’t we all just a mass of those 🙂

    Whether in Drab or Nice clothes I have a new freedom since I came out 6 months ago to family, friends and then the World and found almost universal acceptance – and even some ‘admire your bravery’ comments from friends wow, who’d have thought! Wish I’d done it 20 years ago.

    (my Wife, who is my soul-mate and who I love dearly is having a hard time accepting this ‘new me’ but we’re mostly on good terms and I am prepared to be very, very patient.

    It wont work if she just ‘puts up with me’ – I thought it would, I could dress in private a few times a week and … well I now know that wont work: I cannot go back to being a “Furtive Crossdresser” simply because I absolutely love the freedom to walk down a street or dance around at parties and gigs in a tight top and skater-girl skirt with 399 denier tights (cos I don’t even shave my legs — am thinking about it…) and also hanging around at home in simple strappy tops and leggings is just so comfortable and such a completely natural feeling to me that I cannot compromise and go back.

    I am what I am, you seem to know what you are too and I celebrate with you that act of self-knowledge – it is so empowering once accepted.

    One question: I myself struggle with is pronouns, I get you not liking quoted – pronouns ‘lady’ etc, and I personally find it jars to read CD’s referring to themselves as women or girls so I went for gurl/gurl, but that’s not’s much use in speech so I say I am going out Girly… Wearing my Girly clothes etc, feels nice to say it like that and I’m not lying to myself.

    Gabriela, I’ll shut up now but please reply, or at least write more articles – you are a breath of real fresh air on – as you gently point out – a site that seems to filling up with lurkers merely liking stuff and only a few really interesting articles or chats occasionally cropping up.

    Unless I’m missing all the really interesting debates???

    Be Girly 🙂

    –Sofi

    • *skippy1965(Cynthia) 3 months ago

      Sofi-if you haven’t already, scroll back through the older articles from Vanessa (2007-2014) and others from the early days of 2015-17-there’s lots of great stuff out there that our newer members haven’t seen. Also the forum archives ( https://www.crossdresserheaven.com/forums/forum/archives/ ). And if you find an author you like and want to read more by them, you can go to their profile page and click on articles or forums beneath their cover photo to see what else they have written. Be sure to leave comments if you like something (like you did here) -they are lifeblood for writers .
      Cyn

      • Sofi 3 months ago

        Thanks Cynthia,
        Ahhh – ‘The Early Days’, I’m sure I’ll find loads of interesting, illuminating and heart-rending stuff back there but… I am sorry but life is too short for all that searching!
        Unless you have some sort of “Classic Posts and Articles” section then I am afraid I’m gonna pass 🙂
        If you’ve got any recommendations/links though I’d definitely check those out my Girly Friend 😉
        [I can't help but mention, dunno why - for atmosphere/context i s'pose - but I am having a Joan Armatrading binge on Spotify and feeling very nostalgic and .... very much at peace, Joans's early years were, to me at least (It was my formative years - the 70's) were also the most densely-packed with beutiful and emotional peices....
        'nuff said]

        Be Girly 🙂

    • Author
      Gabriela Romani 3 months ago

      Sofi,

      Thank you very much for your reply! And sorry I didn’t acknowledged it before. Just too busy at work.

      I’m glad to read that you are enjoying being who you are. Way too many people are unable to accept themselves, and remain in the shadows because of that. Even better that you have found acceptance from lots of people! That’s wonderful! I hope and pray that your wife will be able to accept you as well. We know it is really hard for them, and not all are able to. Nobody should be put in a situation to pick between who they are and who they love. *sigh*

      Personally, about pronouns and nouns, let’s just say that while I know that I’m not a woman, I am indeed a lady. 🙂 And I like referring to myself using feminine pronouns as it fits the image I like to portrait.

      Thank you so much for your last paragraph! I appreciate it a lot!

      *hugs*
      Gaby

      • Sofi 3 months ago

        Gabs, (haha – pardon my familiarity 😉 )

        Thanks!

        And yes – I (now) feel really sorry for a *lot* of honest cd’s on here who are still ‘closeted’ to one degree or another.

        So….

        My question is: Clearly this site has loads more USA based ladies (yeah – I’m gonna use your preferred pronoun, out of respect for the recipient!) so given I’m UK based, do you think that we ‘over the pond’ are more open-minded, aware of and accepting of the new ‘fluidity’ and diversity of the whole gender/sexuality/whatever ‘thing’?

        Like – in a nutshell – If I lived in the States then, unless it was in San-Fran then, like no fucking way would I EVER come out of that closet!
        But here in (Wales now, but England for while first) the UK, the 70’s were bad and, despite appearances – like the New Romantics phase – the 80 were even worse!

        But in the 90’s change started and the youth started to get fluid – and so did the tuned-in adults – because everybody was getting loved-up and raving in fields!

        So in this ‘post rave’ post ‘loved-up’ age – “the new millenium”, well, it ain’t so bad…

        At least over here…. How about the good old US of A then, eh?

        (sorry – am bit pissed, may have overshared or been too insulting but… I am what I am 🙂 and no offence intended

        Be Girly 🙂

        PS : Thank you too for your kind words about my WIfe.

      • Author
        Gabriela Romani 2 weeks ago

        Sofi, my apologies, I didn’t see your reply until now.

        I think that people’s acceptance depends on how you project yourself to others. I live in Memphis Tennessee. Right in what is called the “Bible Belt” in the USA. I have been out here in town many many times. And I have never had any issues. Nobody calling me names or chasing me with torches and pitchforks. It may have to do with the fact that when I go out, I go to regular places at regular hours, where I wouldn’t have any issues if my mom or wife or daughter would be going to.

        Not to say that there isn’t danger… but I’d like to think that similar level of danger as for cis-females. The only additional factor would be if you go out trying to hookup with some guy and not let him know about your not being a female. Since I have never done that (Nor I plan to ever doing that) it is not a concern to me.

        Gaby ♥

      • Sofi 2 weeks ago

        I am very pleasantly surprised that the you’re not forever dodging pitchforks. I have to say though – I looked at your public photos – and I have to say (like, if I was gonna say something bad I wouldn’t even be mentioning it…) that you look fantastic 🙂

        Ok – you’re a big girl with a great look that shouts-out fun, friendly lively and lovely to share time with.

        I must admit though, I’ve not been out with my wig on – weirdly cos I don’t want people to think I am pretending or trying to be something I’m not… but then wearing a hat to cover the old man’s balding head is a kind of pretence i suppose…

        Arghh, you got me rambling on about myself Gabriela!

        Anyway, I almost feel I owe it to you to put some photos of me up – obviously you’re not my type!
        Nor me yours so it’s purely for the honest opinion of someone who doesn’t even know me but who seems real, open and honest…

        …and thanks for replying 🙂

  2. Terri 3 months ago

    Gabriella what a great article. Thank you for writing it. The longest i have been dressed enfemme is 3 days. Prior to that was 2 days at Ptown and the poconos. When I retired at 62 I drove cross country by myself to camp with friends of mine in Arizona. I took along some femme clothes and went to Las Vegas. I booked a room for 3 nights and went to the Glamour Boutique and got a makeover. I had a awesome time those 3 days.
    Now every year I go to the Keystone conference and First Event for 3 nights and be Terri. Life for me is about balance.

  3. Gabriella….howdy girl. Holy cow………….you were so….busy! I had to go for a nap after all this activity. Whew!
    Sounds like fun though. Thanks for sharing.

    Dame Veronica

  4. *skippy1965(Cynthia) 3 months ago

    Gaby-great article and excellent points. Like April, I’ve spent as long as 11 days in full Cyn mode or Esprit-including flying cross country both ways. At work, I dress in “stealth Cyn mode” where all my clothes are ladies clothes just not obviously so. Ladies polo shirts, trouser socks, penny loafers, undies and cami and skinny jeans or ladies khaki slacks. I got my ears pierced two years ago and ear colored cubic zirconia or turquoise studs at work and my hair (which is my own and down to mid back) is up in a middle/high ponytail and I wear a touch of mascara. Unlike April I have ways to go to retirement and despite my employer’s corporate diversity policy, I’m not yet ready to take the risk of being more openly feminine than I already am. If I were, I’d likely mainly wear more colorful and feminine tops, more obviously feminine shoes (but only modest heels and flats) and occasionally a skirt or dress. I would wear dangle/drop earrings or more feminine studs and light makeup o even out my skin tone and cover some age lines. My makeup routine is simple and takes about ten minutes. I’m not super attractive but I’m satisfied with how I look in full Cyn mode, I totally agree that full medical/surgical transition is not the right answer unless you NEED to do it for you to not go crazy( basically if you cannot NOT do it and still survive). I COULD see myself possibly socially transitioning at some point-living and presenting female either everywhere or everywhere but work. While I DO love frilly feminine dresses etc. and I will occasionally wear higher heels(up to 3.5-4 inches) , I can also feel
    just as feminine in jeans or shorts and a casual top and flats with no makeup or just a touch of lip gloss and mascara. hat does hat make me? Heck if I know! But labels aren’t important-self acceptance is the key. Being happy and content in showing the world who you truly are-no matter what that is-that’s what I have been striving for. I’ not ALL the way there but I’m a lot closer than I use to be! Thanks for a great article!
    Cyn

    • Sofi 3 months ago

      Cheers m’dear – brought me tears…
      Good for you 🙂
      Very honest and moving , real, authentic, beautiful…

      I get you darlin’…

      i’m gonna do that ‘go to work in a skirt’ thing ‘real soon now’
      Like, hell – I told them already what I am and yeah, we had a laugh at our now traditional Friday ‘Pub Lunch’ [yeah yeah – I am so English, no, no, shit, I’m Welsh now dammit….] and they totally accepted it, plus, tbh, I’m more of man than any of them…

      luckily 🙂

      …your ‘work situation’ may be less favourable… but hey – One Day? Maybe it’ll be possible…

      Ever read Em Chan on Quora?

      Be Girly 🙂

  5. janedon 3 months ago

    Money does’nt buy Happiness–However—Gay/straight/trans or whatever–money buys you Freedom to pursue happiness If you choose—No life is perfect in Every way– The further down the economic ladder you are the harder life is for anyone—Esp. when our sole purpose becomes Impressing others with The things we own like the corporations Teach us from a young age–Chasing material goods (beyond basic needs) erodes our Freedom to Not fit in–(be ourselves)

  6. Diane McG 3 months ago

    You really hit the nail on the head with this post. no, I wouldn’t want to be a woman, for all the reasons you talk about. I once though I did, because then I could wear all the pretty clothes without any excuse. But now I know I can enjoy that part of me, and enjoy the drab part of me, and all the in-between parts of me. I’m having a blast.

  7. T.J. Byron 3 months ago

    Gaby…love you and all your writing. You are an inspiration to anyone who has similar feelings we do.
    I understand your frustration with folks who use the wrong spelling, for words they use to make a point. I present the words ” further ” & ” farther ” as an example.
    At 73( October) I ‘ ve through a lot. Out in public since the 1960’s. Blazing the trail over the years.
    Always good to hear from you.
    I have an article coming out in a week or two. Watch for it.
    Dr. T.J.

    • Author
      Gabriela Romani 2 weeks ago

      T.J. I’m thankful for those like you, who have been out and about for longer than I have. You have made it easier for all of us.

      Thank you!
      Gaby ♥

  8. Coral Wentworth 2 months ago

    Gabriela, Thank you, I so enjoyed this and I have read so many of the replies and it is nice to hear such honesty among so many. I have been raising my youngest as a single father and mother if I can say that, It has been just her and I . I have raised her from the time she was 9 months old I, I am so bless for this has helped me develop into the person I am today. Although I always thought I was born in the wrong body it was having to be a mother that set it in stone. It was harder than I ever could have imagined but we struggled thru the things that make or break you I learned how to be a kinder more compassionate person to be there when she has a tummy ache or a fever the occasional scratch or bruise and all the emotional waves that little girls grow thru all the first things that seem so important at the time, all the while putting my life as I would have it aback because that’s what mothers do. It has been the most rewarding thing I have ever done in my life and would not replace it for anything. So although I am not a cis woman I have been lucky and maybe sometimes not so lucky enough to experience this. She is now going on 14 and she is finding her own way in life I worry constantly for her but I know I have given her the tools she needs to make it. When she is away from home I have the time to relax and dress however I want mostly just casual, I still have to keep up the household. I am still single and think I might stay that way. I would surely like to meet some nice ladies like the all of you to have lunch and friendship. But you are right being a woman is so very hard and being a mother well I’ll leave that for each to decide like I said I would not change it. I thank all of you for your writings and replies you are all so beautiful. Now I have to go cry love you all.

    • Author
      Gabriela Romani 2 weeks ago

      Coral,

      Thank you for your reply. I’m so lucky that even working two jobs at times, I have been present at home for my wife and kids. Drove them to school for years (until they started driving). Chaperoned some of their events, attended most of their plays, recitals, etc. And my relationship with my son is very good (as good as it can be with teenage boys! Ha!) But grew really close to my daughter in her teen years. Since my wife’s work doesn’t have the same flexibility as mine, I had many shopping trips with my daughter. We both picked her Prom dress, etc. Sadly she doesn’t have my same taste for clothes or shoes… Where did I go wrong? 🙂

      I know and you know that all you have done for your daughter has been worth it, and I commend you for those sacrifices you have made for her well being.

      *hugs*
      Gaby ♥

      • Coral Wentworth 2 weeks ago

        Thank you Gabriela, I know how you must feel towards your daughter, when you get close to them on that level it is such a rewarding experience that you will always hold dear to your heart. I believe for me it has been the best thing that has ever happened in my life, the bond we have can never be replaced by anything I can even imagine. Then you have all the wonderful moments to cherish, it is just a win win no mater how you look at it. Hugs Coral

  9. Sara Styles 2 months ago

    I wasnt sure where you were going at first, but wow that puts it in perspective. For me it is fun, and I would love the challenge of living full time for 2 weeks. However, I don’t have to, or I don’t feel like I have to.

    • Author
      Gabriela Romani 2 weeks ago

      Hi Sara! And when you realize that you really don’t have to do so, you can then appreciate better the things you like and can do. At least that’s the way I see it. 🙂

      Gaby ♥

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