It Must Be Hard to Be Gender Different Hey?

 In a conversation with a dear friend I was asked that question. My reply was simple, “no not at all, I love being different and dressing my body in a way that feels natural to me.”

What IS hard though, is reaching a place of deep Self-Acceptance, inner-confidence and to learn how to not care about what others think. The most challenging thing I deal with, almost daily, is my own mind.

Transgender Heaven - Gender Journey

Now I’m not what I call an, over the top, dresser. Most days I look just like I do in the pics you see of me here on the site. I don’t dress much differently than most of the ladies I see in the mall or coffee shops around town in jeans, nice top and light make up. I wear footwear according to the season.

I remember those days of feeling so incredibly self-conscious and scared inside, like it was yesterday, oh wait, it was!!

No, I’m kidding, honestly it was not that long ago and there are still moments the childhood “program” that plays on auto pilot kicks in. Once I become aware of the thought, as apposed to be the thought, I then choose a new narrative. Being able to see it as a thought, not as who you are is key I believe.

For most of my life I have identified as the thought; this is me, I am wrong, I am sick, I am bad and disserve to be punished for enjoying this! And that realization was an epiphany for me. I Am Not, the thought. I Am, what ever I choose to be. And when I say that I mean, I “believe” that each of us has a “natural” inclination toward something that our inner self lives to express. Some become painters, some become been counters, some write, or go parasailing and still others grow things, and then there are some who love to decorate their body differently; it’s the natural expression of our heart. We are not what we think, those are thoughts. When we say “I Am”,,,we simply believe we are the thought.

I believe that we are one with everything we experience. All of us and everything we can see, taste, touch, hear etc etc are all a tiny part, of a much bigger picture, just look up some night at our amazing universe. I’ll write sometime about my experience of vision quest several years ago; amazing!

Any how, changing that One belief has changed my world. From a thought learned in childhood, like, I am bla bla bla (Insert Negative Self-Belief Here) bla bla, which left me feeling sad, hurt, angry and of course with diminished self esteem. I would feel hopeless and could place myself into a solid emotional state of feeling like I was victimized.

Changing that One belief has now given me more than I can say here, but I will try. The awareness of that belief shifting from “somethings wrong with me, I can’t do anything about it” to “I love who I Am, and I love how I choose to decorate my body”. I love how it feels in my heart when my body is loose as ashes, not tight and posed. I love when the scent of the perfume I am wearing wafts into my nose to delight me. I love to talk to my beautiful Self in the mirror; did that statement touch you?

Those kinds of thoughts, repeated several times each day, combined with as much affect and strong emotion as possible, will re-program the old beliefs we accepted as truth in our childhood. For me, I began saying out loud; “I am so happy, and I’m so grateful to be surrounded by people who accept me, respect me and love me just as I choose to be”. Now that is my reality.

It’s not hard being trans; and its not very hard to change our minds either. All that keeps us victim in this world, is our acceptance of a belief that says: “we are not powerful enough to do, be or have something different”.

I have been practicing a phrase I heard from the late Dr Wayne Dyer, “Live independently of the good opinion of others” which of course sounds simple enough, but it is not always easy at times. When the old messages play of programmed self-judgement, fears of rejection, needs to please and so on it becomes a challenge.

This is when awareness gives us choices!!

One we are aware, we can then practice a new inner dialog; one that empowers, strengthens and encourages us to simply Express from the soul, willingly and unashamed.

Now you know you can choose to practice the skill of noticing some of the, unsupportive and negative inner dialog that’s going on in your mind. The one causing so much suffering. With a new choice of inner dialog, and some wonderfully emotional reps, a whole newly empowered generation of beautiful people can step out of the shadows and into the street with freeedom.  The more we are seen, the less we are noticed dear souls.

I took a few years of being seen regularly by the locals, but this small town asked me to run for Mayor; That begins with, and, has everything to do with what I believe about myself. 

I have had so few unpleasant moments as my playpen gets bigger and as I practice believing “I’m Okay” it seems that 99% of the people I meet, also treat me that way. One question I asked myself when I was considering changing that belief was, “what have I got to gain?”

Works for me.

Namaste’

Char

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14 Comments
  1. Mona 5 months ago

    Char,

    Wow, you have written a powerful and wonderfully uplifting article. We are truly our own worse enemies who constantly need reminding that personal acceptance and fulfillment start by turning off the negative soundtrack in our heads. Thanks for the reminder and thanks so much for sharing this with us. Hugs, Mona

    • Author
      Char 5 months ago

      oooooh I’m so sorry I have been workin my buns off haha haven’t been on here in a bit…Thank you so much Mona; sometime its the lamb inside that needs to greater silencing hahaha

      Namaste’
      n huggles Darlin
      Char

  2. *skippy1965(Cynthia) 5 months ago

    Char-great article as always! kinda matches and complements my last one . https://www.crossdresserheaven.com/we-are-who-we-strive-to-be/

    Each of us is our own worst critic and can be the greatest barrier to being accepted for who we are. As I’ve said elsewhere-if we can’t accept ourselves, how can we expect anyone else to do so? It’s that simple(and that complicated); that easy (and that difficult); and that freeing to live our lives in the manner that others look at us and say “Damn -I wish I were that happy and self-confident and pleasant!”
    Cyn

    • Author
      Char 5 months ago

      Awe I just read your article, Awesome!! it’s not coincidence by the old definition, but it is coincidence by the new definition; two things perfectly coincide in time and space hehehe There’s a dialogue going on world wide that we are a part of; that is sofa-king cool to me
      I’m mustering the courage to start a talk show interviewing folks like us,,, on and off camera, just talking about the journey, the challenges and support ideas, to educate the general public a bit more, or at least those who are willing to look.
      The very only thing between starting today and some later date, is the chatterbox in my head lmao…
      I’ve found Cyn that in 5 years time I have had two experiences that were soooo minimal. One person said don’t come back in my home,,I’m a small town girl not used to seeing that,,,my reply,,,,”okay” lol
      the other was a male who was cat calling me from a distance behind, when he got close he realized I am a male neighbour hahaha he reacted hahaha
      The only opinion that matters is the one between our own ears, I say It’s simple but not always easy haha stre e e e etch hahaha
      Huggles for ya Cyn, I Love who you are!
      Namaste’
      Char

  3. Lea 5 months ago

    Wow, Char, that was so deep and insightful. Really gave me a lot to reflect on. I like how your post was focused pin getting our state of mind out of the past and more focused on the present and future.

    • Author
      Char 5 months ago

      Thaaaank you Sweetie, it’s so easy to fall “back” hey? haha I recall a movie called Gumball Rally from years ago, the 70’s maybe lol; the driver and navigator jump in the rally sports car for a cross country road race set in Europe. The driver reaches up and snaps off the rear view mirror and says ,,”What’s behind me, is NOT important!” haha I Love that line!!
      Thaaank you Lea, I wish you everything wonderful you can imagine dear soul.
      Huggles for you
      Namaste’
      Char

  4. Milena 5 months ago

    Wonderful article, Namaste’. Thank you, very much!

    • Author
      Char 5 months ago

      Namaste’ ,, & Thank You, Milena
      that really is enough said huh 🙂
      Huggles for you Dear
      Char

  5. Bianca Everdene 5 months ago

    Spot on Char, “I am who I am and who I am needs no excuses”
    Bianca was born out of the maelstrom of divorce(nothing to do with cross dressing, never did it until after the split). Anybody who does not know what going through a divorce is like just has to look at Brexit It seems the world is going to end, and if we survive it, come out the other end stronger.
    Anyway I found after the divorce I was finally able to be me, no inhibitions, no fears that it would be judged negatively by my wife, finally just let it all out, oh and how good it felt. It just feels right. This is me. I know this will probably be too much for most women to deal with but don’t care anymore. If they don’t like it, it is their problem, not mine, I am doing no harm to anybody, and myself a world of good !
    I am not suggesting men in a relationship who hide their cross dressing would be better revealing it. I know every relationship is about compromise, and many women could see this as a game changer, questioning sexuality, masculinity, questioning their image of gender stereotypes etc, and we have to be sensitive to this. You must balance the risk of losing what you have against the potential benefit of what you could have, and that is a very personal individual choice. The choice was made for me.
    Glad you have come through your hard times Char, and are at peace with yourself.
    Love
    B

    • Author
      Char 5 months ago

      Thaaank you so much B, I have become aware that challenges are like tides, they come and go lol I recall after one of those Freeedom divorces, I actually have a few up my skirt now lol I had shown my ex years earlier Char; Char was not received well then and returned to hiding. After the divorce and separation, I lived alone for 3 and a half full months before I “realized” I lived alone and was free to explore again…
      I went shopping the next day haha
      What a wonderful awareness hey B, who I Am, needs NO excuses. . .
      Namaste’
      n huggles for you Sweetie; Thaaank You
      Char

  6. Brie Anne 4 months ago

    Thanks so much for this article Char! I can’t even count how many different lines spoke to me. Lots that I can relate to and even more for me to think about…

    -Brie

    XOXOXO

    • Author
      Char 4 months ago

      Beautiful!! This is an exciting, terrifying, exhilarating journey Brie Anne, pretty name gurl 🙂 and once we learn how to see it simply as an adventure and not work, it gets waaayyy more fun and not so scary too!
      One stilletto in front of the other gets us there hehehe

      Namaste’
      n huggles for you dear
      Walk tall Babe 🙂
      Char

      • Brie Anne 4 months ago

        Thanks for the encouragement Char!!

        -Brie

        XOXOXO

      • Author
        Char 4 months ago

        Namaste’
        🙂

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