I don’t know about you, but Christmas time for a crossdresser is a strange time of the year… Let me explain. It is the season of hope, forgiveness, and gratitude, and most importantly, the season of miracles. Every Christmas movie is full of them. We (as crossdressers) often pray for miracles. They range in depth from “Help me to stop” to “Please make me a woman” and everything in between.

Can you imagine if a crossdresser was the lead character in many of our favorite Christmas movies? Instant classic or another deranged offering by tasteless commercialism. Such is the world we live in. I admit that I broke my rule and watched a certain actor in a newer Christmas movie. I have never liked him in anything, despised his humor, and then applauded him for this particular performance. I may even watch his other Christmas movie now. He deserves my second chance, as I believe we all wish that we had.

It might be a second chance at life, the Christmas Angel letting us see what life on the other side would have been like—being born a girl rather than a boy. Or maybe, what our lives would be like if we faced our fears, took the chance, and transitioned now instead of hiding in our closets. Not all of us would tune into this particular movie, but many would. I have thought about this most of my life, “What if?” I may not have realized the depths of this as a kid trying on his sister’s underwear and dress, or even when I eyed those way too small but had to try on high heels my wife owned and never wore.

Others will want to place themselves in one of the many Christmas Musicals, playing the role of a glamorous woman in all of her spectacular clothing as she sings and dances her way across the stage. To harmonize with Bing Crosby on “White Christmas” or be the center of attention in a full-length sequined gown as she sings “Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas” on their own variety show.

EnFemme

And… some will wish for the feelings to be taken away so they can lead what they feel is the “Normal life.” Will they be granted their wish and the miracle of being happy or will it instead lead them to a realization that being a crossdresser is the miracle, the inspiration, and the hope for a better future? Nah… I think for some the need to settle into that preferred life is viable. Some of us are just dabblers in the feminine world, and that is Very Okay! Any appreciation that we can show and give to women is wanted and needed, even if it means tossing a perfectly wonderful pair of heels into the garbage.

Christmas is also about courage and inspiration. The ability to overcome obstacles (burglars or being far from home) and find our way back to where our family waits for us. It’s about demonstrating what giving rather than receiving is truly about. We are patterned to say more than we really do. To go with the flow and not put ourselves in harm’s way. I will raise my hand high as this is me… or it mostly was at one time. I’m less afraid these days of being outed, ridiculed, or exiled by my family and friends. It still doesn’t mean that I’m ready to trot Brina out in front of them. I am, and may always be a crossdresser that is something more.

How I’d love to be given a look into what my future may be. In some ways, I have. It is within the stories that others on this site have shared, in those on our sister site, Transgender Heaven, and countless other places where those, like us, share their journeys. Most of them are about those who transition, few are about those who settle for being more, like me. It’s mostly why I write these blogs for you. I want to share my thoughts on where I am and how I deal with it. I have fears, and I pray for miracles like many of you do. The one Christmas gift I try to give all year long is hope. I do my best to be positive for and to others, not just on this site but in my life. I give my time to charities, not just the service club, which means so much to me. I donate money and items as well. I try to do the simple things too!

Not a day goes by on this site that I don’t hit the like button on the picture that someone posts. A small gesture that might mean something more than we know. Not every one of us has the ability, luxury, resources, or hope to be able to fully dress, let alone buy all the items needed.  And yet, we all see the woman inside of us (even through our rose-colored glasses) staring back at us in the mirror. It might be painting our nails that makes our inner woman cry or the smell of perfume or the feeling of tattered nylons on our legs.

We are together on this journey. To find our own miracle or understanding of who we are and what that means. Judgementalism has no place, condescendence either. We need to be a support system to all of our sisters. Not all of us get to play the lead in a Christmas fantasy story, some of us just might be the angel or the friend that gives the most important line in the movie… “Go follow your heart!”

When Christmas has passed, what then? I hope and plan that I may continue to be giving and supportive. Sure, I’ll have bad moments, terrible weeks, even heartbreaks of my own, but it doesn’t mean I should take it out on those who I can be an inspiration to, my sisters and much more, the people that I see and interact with in my other life. I have become more complimentary to others, more encouraging, and have tried to be a better person to all. That has only come because I accepted that I am who I am, not separate people who have different personalities. I’m not an actor playing a part, if I were, my male side would be the role I play. I am a crossdresser who is more…

Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays to all of you!

 

Until next time…

EnFemme

More Articles by Sabrina (Brina) MacTavish

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Stephanie Browne
Lady
Active Member
2 months ago

Sabina,
OH, I agree with so much you have shared here in the Christmas letter.
We need to support and encourage US girls and share our hopes and dreams with our sisters. We all have bad days, days we can’t dress, doubts about our futures, what if I had been born a real girl.
Some of us can dress every day and afford simple girl clothes and accessories and share those experiences here on CDH
Wishing all my sisters a happy CD-ING XMAS.!

,

Stephanie Browne
Lady
Active Member
Smartina
Duchess
Active Member
2 months ago

I’m here to be the audience for all the pretty girls who have made the effort, whether they are just starting out or seasoned pros giving attention to every detail of their look. The cumulative result for CDH’s picture bank makes me very proud to be a member here. All the best of the season to Sabrina and all the other amazing members. xxxxxxx

Mandi Smith
Lady
Active Member
2 months ago

Christmas always generates mixed emotions with me. It is interesting that we celebrate the birth of the Only Begotten Son in the winter season. In a time when Seasonal Affective Disorder SAD can creep in unannounced, it can represent the glimmer of better things to come in a new year. It is a time of ‘wonder’, in all its meanings. The wonder of Immanuel – God with Us; the wonder of the depth of His love for sinful mankind, and the wonder of the fact that he understands us better than we understand ourselves.

Melissa Honey
Lady
Active Member
2 months ago

I enjoyed your article so much. It speaks to the truth of the precarious life Crossdressers live. The enjoyment I get from dressing up fills my soul yet at the same time I would be ashamed if my family new. I always feels like I am walking a tight rope and at any moment you could fall and life would forever be changed.

Christine T
Lady
Member
2 months ago

Love this Brina! Thank you for taking the time to post your true feelings. Just wonderful. Happy Holidays to you and yours!!

Esin Bener
Lady
Member
2 months ago

How beautiful many of cd girls dreaming most time.I finded my self sometimes thinking or wish about" what if I borned as a girl " becomes painful.so nowadays I simply change it to “born this way enjoyable ,especially taking advantageous of being male to use in society"..
This way Feeling less pain myself..May be thats actual miracle which is understanding both male-female sides.
Wish every good thinks awaits for next year for all my sisters..merry christmas everyone.

Charlene Victoria
Lady
Active Member
2 months ago

Hi Sabrina, I decided to take a moment and pop on over here. Thank you for the article. Christmas is a tough time of the year for me. Once again I endure it as a male, doing my best to be genuinely thankful to receive gifts I didn’t want. The giver means well as my male self is who is participating and they don’t know that I am even there. And if I was front and center I am fairly certain then I wouldn’t be welcomed to partake in the warmth of family & friends love that are my privilege… Read more »

Jaiylyn
Lady
Active Member
1 month ago

Sabrina,
thank you for your thoughtful words; and taking the time to share them with all of us. I often wonder “what if" myself. I take time as often as I can to be me at home. It makes me happy. Is there more to it, a future outside my home, changing my life? Don’t know & can’t see that far ahead. Crossdressing seems to balance my life, and I’ve accepted that for now.
Happy New Year to you and all of the great ladies here.
Jaiylyn

Cassie Jayson
Duchess
Trusted Member
1 month ago

@Sabrina (Brina) MacTavish HI Brina.  I just reread your article and was reminded of things that came to mind after reading here at CDH about those who wished that they were born a woman.   All that came to mind was thinking about my life if I were born female my 3 kids would not exist, events with my brothers would be dramatically different, no grandchildren.   
Yes it is true that I would likely have children and maybe grandchildren,  but it would be extremely different. 
Being a human I would likely mess up sumthing different. Cassie 

Cassie Jayson
Duchess
Trusted Member
1 month ago

@Sabrina (Brina) MacTavish It is that your title ‘It’s a Wonderful Life’ just struck an emotional chord within.  There are so many small things and sometimes huge things in our lives that make enormous changes for those we love.  I remember way back when I was in High School I was helping my dad unload a load of soybeans.  I was at the back of the wagon monitoring the flow, my 5 year old brother was in the wagon brushing stuck beans down.  The wagon was over half full and his toes were in the shute.  When I looked over… Read more »

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