Just a cross-dresser’s story

Let’s be clear from the start.  I am just a crossdresser. I have no wish to be a girl (although I would hope that in another life I could be born female). I am straight, not that that is a boast, just a statement of fact. In short, I am me, a guy who likes to wear clothing that for some reason has been defined as “female wear”.  I think I am like the majority of men throughout the world, only sometimes the enthusiasm of the girls upon this site seems to indicate I am an old-fashioned relic.

I have dressed for essentially as long as I can remember.  Initially, it was a sensory experience.  I enjoyed the feel of soft and slippery fabrics.  At puberty, it became a much more sexual and fetishistic activity.  I have no need to go into details.  As I matured it became a desire that had to be satisfied from time to time but I never recall any overpowering desire to pretend to be a woman.  I was just a guy who liked wearing soft, pretty, sensual clothes that for some reason were forbidden to me by Society.  If I had married a woman without the violent opposition that I discovered in my wife I would almost certainly have been happy slipping on some lingerie and a pretty frock a few times a month and just watching telly or chatting.

Unfortunately, I discovered (despite having hinted of this issue) that my wife had strong religious views on this subject and like so many others, assumed it must mean that I was ‘gay’.  As I guess many others of you have done, I had to make decisions.  In my case, it was that my love for a good woman was more important than release from the pressure of my need to dress.  I was in a fortunate position of traveling in connection with my job and “Deety” appeared in many hotel bedrooms throughout the UK. The travel was sufficient to at least take the edge off my needs.  A side effect of this 44-year long period before I lost my wife was that I was gradually able to understand more about myself and this strange compulsion that drove me.

Stepping Out Secrets

When my wife suddenly passed away, I was, at first, devastated but oddly I found her clothes a comfort to me.  Nothing unusual in that I understand, except that my wife was only 5 feet tall and weighed around 120 lbs. whereas I am six foot tall and at that time weighed in excess of 320 lbs.  Gradually, slowly, I started buying my own clothes and as Barbara faded from my life, Deety came to stay.  In my maturity, I am now happy with who I am.  I wear very little strictly-male clothing but often present as a guy.  However, I’m always fully and properly under-dressed.  I openly shop and often join in the giggles of the sales girls, preferring to laugh with them rather than let them laugh behind my back.

For those of you who are, like me, just a crossdresser, I hope this is an encouragement and a vindication.  For those looking for more, I make no apology.  We are all different and I love it that we are.  I can understand the frustration that you feel.  Those of you that are truly transgender may find my position laughable but I am aware of the pain and confusion you must feel as well.  It is not to do with dressing for you, it is much more than that and I extend my love and concern to you.

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I am a widower now but have crossdressed basically all my life in secret. My wife was violently anti and I spent the 44 years we were together hiding Deety, only letting her out of the cupboard when on lone business trips. Now she is me 24/7 although I don’t feel the need to dress at all times

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  1. Lara Cross 2 months ago

    Thanks, Deety for your poignant story. I am sorry that you lost your wife along your journey to your crossdressing liberation. Many of us love that same experience from the closet that your story describes. It has become a hobby of sorts for me, since my retirement has afforded me a lot of “downtime” to myself. I hope your downtime is filled with good memories and pleasant femme experiences. -Lara

  2. Lesa Madison 3 months ago

    The thing that kills me is Women can wear Men;s clothing and no one bats an eye, but if a man chooses to wear womens clothing, People lose their minds. Kind of a double standard. People nowadays need to quit being so narrow minded and have the attitude, If thats what you wanna do then more power to you and accept it. You don’t have to like it, but don’t put those of us down that enjoy it.

  3. Nadia Celine 4 months ago

    Patriarchy doesn’t just hurt women. Men are so strongly compelled to conform to a socionormative standard of ‘manliness’ that flaunting it with genderplay is fully taboo, in a way that it just isn’t for AFAB women. toxic masculinity. ugh.

    I definitely believe it’s much more acceptable for GGs to be more creative with their wardrobe. No one bats an eyelash if a woman wears jeans and a flannel. if I put on a sundress, people lose their damn minds.

  4. Jessie Tonner 4 months ago

    I am also straight I just love to crossdress!

  5. Kayla C 5 months ago

    Thank you for sharing.
    I really enjoyed your article

  6. Rozalyne Richards 5 months ago

    I started dressing up like a lot of people when i and was about 8 or 9 years old i used to wear my sisters clothes for awhile then when i started working i gave it up i got married and had a family and it wasn’t till i was in my 30’s that i started again and i dressed up in secret but as I’ve got older the urge’s have got stronger and I’ve had to hide my feelings for dressing up from my wife for so long that I’ve turned it to a right old grumpy man when I’m not dressed as Rozalyne xx

  7. Jennifergordon 6 months ago

    Being a crossdresser can be a very difficult road to maneuver. It all started for me around age 12 with my mother’s nylons. I didn’t give it much thought for a number of years. After my divorce I started to recognize the urges were becoming stronger. I finally realized that the dressing was here to stay. I went thru all the cycles like purging like so many others. I am finally at peace with my femme side. Acceptance is the only path. Having a site like cdh is so wonderful. I thank all you girls! Jennifer.

  8. Jane Newton 6 months ago

    enjoyed your piece immensley and, like obviously many others, the description resonated with me a lot. 56 (soon) and just retired, I too have travelled a similar journey. A difficult one but not without a learning adventure along the way. Have often wondered how life might have been different had my SO been able to embrace my quirk. Alas, I think time is running out in that regard.
    Best, JN

  9. Steffany Harman 6 months ago

    Yes I also have found a home at CDH , and dressing is a need for me i cant go more than a couple days without it i feel so different dressed as a woman, as a man I just don’t feel good about my self , don’t ask I don’t know why but if I keep reading thes articles maybe someday I’ll find the answer. So thank you Deary for your story. Steffany

  10. Nicely written Deety. I have waffled at times on what I am and how I truly feel, but have come to the conclusion that I too am simply a crossdresser. My urge to dress comes and goes. I look at it as my unusual “hobby”, one I indulge in at varying times during the course of the year. I can express a side of me that is really not possible to do when I am not April, and by doing so, by having that outlet, I can enjoy the majority of my life in guy mode, which is just fine with me.

    You have expressed eloquently what I have come to realize over the past few years – there are no “boxes” that we all fit into. We are all somewhere unique along the gender spectrum, and yet we all share so much in common too.

    Thank you for a lovely article.

  11. Ashleigh 6 months ago

    Deety, thanks for sharing your story. I too, am “just a cross dresser”, and I love it! I used to be active on another site until someone posted those same words “ just a cross dresser” in a much more negative way. Their opinion was that unless you were working towards transitioning, or at the very least, living full time as the opposite gender, your cross dressing was just a phase, or worse yet, a form of OCD which you brought upon yourself and could stop if you chose to. We all know, nothing could be farther from the truth.
    Thanks again for the encouragement and your willingness to share!

  12. Chrissie Cross 6 months ago

    We have much in common my friend! 🙂 Thanks for sharing your story!

  13. Lauren Simpson 6 months ago

    Thanks for sharing. Similar to my life.

    After coming out to my wife, who was accepting, I had so much self-loathing and guilt that after about 3 years, I pretty much stopped for 20 years or so.

    Then we both become very unhealthy. Mine was fixable, hers was not. Late in her life, I began to wear some again, especially when I took her to get her nails done, and other various femme activities.

    I had memento mori – remember death – and realized that there should be no guilt, and I certainly had to quit hating on me to show her the love she needed in her final days.

    I had been wearing camisoles and bras around her by this time, but when I got my first forms, she reached out and poked my breast, and I just said “life is too short”. I think she appreciated that.

    Today, I’m still in the closet, but free of the guilt.

    • Author
      Deety 6 months ago

      Thank you for your kind words, and I am glad it worked out for you

  14. Barb Encourt 6 months ago

    A very nice writing Deety and your early experience largely mirrors mine right now.
    My beautiful and highly intelligent Wife of thirty years has really surprised me with Her total lack of understanding and bigoted attitude towards having found out that I wear female lingerie.
    Many attempted discussions in the interim towards my “coming out” have ended in total acrimony and verbal abuse…..I cannot quote the language on here.
    As your mention I am regarded as having committed religious sin.
    She wanted to call the police.

    As I write we are about to NOT celebrate Valentines Day in our usual loving and extravagant fashion.

    I would renounce my CD side if it would help but the damage is done and there is no going back now.
    We will indeed work it out as there is no other choice.

    Ours is a complex CD story.


    • Leonara 4 months ago

      Sounds very familiar Barb .. my wife at first was accepting . However, in her mind, I crossed the line with the forms … hopefully we can work this out … she doesn’t understand what she says are “Leonara choices”. But she doesn’t seem to understand Leonara needs… thanks for your comments

  15. Squeak 6 months ago

    It seems there are many of us who love to wear so called feminine clothing, but are not interested in becoming a girl. I love wearing panties and bras. It is so nice to go out in a dress, especially in the warm weather.

    It has puzzled me for a long time that females can wear anything they want to. And no one cares! But, if a male puts on a dress, there must be something wrong with him.

    Fortunately, we are becoming more tolerant as a society. I am most fortunate to be free to dress as I wish every day. Perhaps an advantage to getting older.

  16. Lucinda Hawkns 6 months ago

    that is so well said words can not be added. well said and to the point. thanks for sharing this to all of us and readers

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