As I sit here in my red dress, with stockings and heels, and pretending that I’m at my job as an office secretary, I cannot help but to feel that this is an important part of me. I knew from a very early age that I was different from what I appeared to be. I started to explore that other side of me whenever I had the chance to become Katie.
I started by wearing some of my sister’s clothes. As I got older, the urge to become the female side of me began to become stronger and I would get women’s clothes wherever I could and go out to a nearby woods and dress. This gave me great pleasure and put me in touch with the person I knew I was all along, a female.
Once I was finally on my own, I had to be careful for long periods of my life. I kind of pushed my female side away. But now, as I am getting older, the urge to rediscover myself and bring back my true feelings, my desires to be the female side of me is stronger than ever. I’m giving in to becoming Kate more and more each day.
The problem is that I have not been able to finish the journey and be where I need to be. I am so afraid of the fallout; what would happen if I were to come out now. I fear losing my family and the friends I’ve had all my life. So for now, Kate lives in her own prison, but she is starting to explore leaving the safe haven of my home. I have begun to feel bolder as I go out as Kate, but I do not expose her fully. I hide her by wearing things that disguise her in the hopes that no one outs me.
When I am out as Kate now, I feel as she might with my body shape as hers, and it puts me in a good frame of mind about myself and that this is who I am meant to be. I hope that someday soon, I will have the courage to seek the right help to allow me to deal with this and to be able to finally start on the journey to free myself from this self-imposed prison. I will then be able to have my mind, body, and soul together as one, completing the path to who I truly am, and that is as the female I was suppose to have been my entire life.
I appreciate any support or advice.