Hi everyone my Name is Harley Vanessa Leigh aka Harley Needs.

Like many of ouf us I have struggled with the fact that I am a woman, and like many of us I have stuggled with the guilt and shame of being and feeling this.

I encountered my first experience and feelings when I was about 8 years old. I put on my sisters black ribbed satin panties and bra and I realized not only how good they felt to put on but how natural they felt, this was beyond just purely a sexual feeling.

Throughout my teen years I tried to suppress the fact that I felt this way and was more comfortable as a girl than as a boy.

I had an experience with an older guy who was a bit of  mentor to me, he took me under his wing and clearly saw something in me that I did not.

Yes he was very gay and had a thing for mid-teen males but he encouraged me to dress as his favourite niece from the country.

His favourite outfit for me was of course a school girl uniform complete with short plaid skirt, shirt and tie he used to love to dress me this way and to take me to parties to meeet and introduce me as well.

I got to understand gay men very quickly.

I must admit I loved it and the attention but still I fought this very fact and would speak of this to no one about my dreams and feelings.

Over the years the urges did not go away, through my 20’s and 30’s I served successive Mistresses who in their own way started to shape me into the woman I am today, with them I could let my guard down and begin to take shape into being a woman.

But being married and trying to be the very straight male husband and father is exhausting, I knew my wide would never understand and would feel betrayed and soiled at the though of being married to a crossdresser.

So like many of us I purged and I denied, I denied further but what ever I did this feeling inside me would neither go away and was in fact growing.

Crossdressing became my safe haven, a place I could escape to when I was stressed, and to get away from the issues that were plauging me.

Having a very successful corporate wife, my identity and value so badly eroded as I played nothing more than a supporting role and indeed I really did feel like a housewife of the 1950’s & 60’s

I sought the help of a clinical phsycologist who in her opinion deemed me to be a woman in every shape and form, this was a real turning point for me as she explianed that this tension was going to kill me if I did not make a decision one way or the other.

I suppose by then I wanted to get caught, I got sloppy in keeping my second and very secret life just that, the urges to dress and to be a woman dominated my everyday thoughts there was no denying there was only was course and direction to take.

I allowed myself to get caught, the pictures I had on the internet were found and then the pointing of fingers came from my now ex-wife. I thought she was so disgusted in me, which for a HR manager and a champion of LGBT rights, I found most contradictory but that is what she is like: “Not in my home. honey.”

We have since separated, thankfully, as now I pursue my dream and desires 24 x 7 with little or no restrictions.

She found what I did deeply embarassing and a slight on her as a woman, which I found very interesting. So much for diversity, acceptance, tolerance and inclusion.

I have come to accept and proudly I am a woman and wish to be a woman in every shape and form 24 x 7 and I simply love it.

I should have done this years ago as I feel so liberated and free, taking control of my womanhood and placing my manhood in a box is the best thing I could do.

The sad thing is that even as I search for another kindred sould I find there are so many pretenders who promise the world. Maybe they are struggling like I was, or maybe they are just frauds, but I hope to find Miss Right very soon as I want to share my life as a woman with another like minded girl.

My final thought is simple, embrace your womanhood and do not be ashamed of it, to the heck with what others think and say “It’s not their life.”

Yes, my transistion has cost me many of my freinds but I look at it now differently. If they were true friends they would do everything to support and emcourage me, so I do not need them in my life.

Be the girl of your dreams what ever that may be.

 

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Harley

I am a 50 something T Girl. I have recnetly moved into full 24 x 7 Woman mode and now dress and go about my life as a fully functional woman. I ahve been dressing since I wZs 8 years old and like many of us I have had the odd ourge or two, the odd guilt trip or 10 but I now understand that I am and was always menat to be a woman, embracing this has made such a difference to my like as now I am on the raod to full transformation.

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Roxanne LanyonTracii Greenevickie brownBrandieRosaliy Lynne Recent comment authors
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Rachel J Rose
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Harley

I am Happy for you to find your peace.

Rachel

*skippy1965(Cynthia)
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Harley, What a great article detailing your journey of discovering yourself from CD to TG. I am still figuring out where I fall on that spectrum. Ten years ago I was certain I was “just a CD” (using that phrasing for clarity NOT n a dismissive or pejorative sense) but in the lat year or two am coming to the realization that I do indeed have at least SOME TG needs/desires/feelings/thoughts and MAY eventually need to transition -though that is not 100% …yet! I have come to accept my feminine side is who I am and that realization has been… Read more »

JaneS
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JaneS

Thank you for sharing your story Harley.

It’s interesting to note your ex-wife’s reaction, what we’d call ‘NIMBY’ – not in my back yard. I’ve only ever experienced the other side of that, people who outwardly seemed bigoted and anti gay/transgender yet when they find out about someone close to them they actually become very supportive.

I am happy to hear that you’ve been able to become who you needed to be.

Sallysim
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Sallysim

Harley that’s a lovely article, so open and honest. It is a hard and difficult journey we face to find our true selves with lots of sorrow and heartache along the way.
Thank you for sharing your life with us, you’re an inspiration.
Hugs
Sally xxx

Stephanie Green
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Stephanie Green

My dear Harley, thank you for sharing your difficult journey. I also have just started to realize that my 50 years of dressing means more than just the clothes. It is time for me to become more understanding of the female part of my being. Thank you from one girl to another.

Jayme Lynn McIntyre
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Jayme Lynn McIntyre

Dear Harley I can so relate dear I am also going through this and the “feeling like a 50’s-60’s housewife” is totally accurate in my situation. As well .
. My son’s bless them (23-16 yrs) understand and support me ,I now am being forced out on my own which is a good thing I have identified as a female since at least 6yrs of age. Love your article

Rosaliy Lynne
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Rosaliy Lynne

congratulations Harley.
I too am surprised at your ex’s reaction though perhaps I should not me. It is easy to champion the ‘rights of “others”‘ but a different story when it comes HOME.

My transition is as complete as it will ever be. I am this woman even though I retain those ‘extras’. I am also very happy!!!

Good luck in all you do.

Brandie
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Brandie

Dear Harley I am going through transition and on hrt 2 months and building up a wardrobe your story is inspiring for me but you never gave up inside yourself I never did either my sister doesn’t call like before since I came out to her and it stings pretty hard and when everybody else knows they Will run to but I don’t care anymore I. Am making New friends.and I am going to get better hope I can make friends here to I don’t abandon my friends thank u so much God bless u Brandie

vickie brown
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vickie brown

Hi Harley I must say your life sounds just like mine, I was 5-6 years old when i first x dressed and over the years it got more & more till it got to to this stage now where i’m dressing as Vickie nearly 24/7.I have seen a doctor in London who would do breast implants for me & also i’m going to the Chelsea hospital in September to go on hrt. I’m now 59 years old but i feel now is the right time for me to be Vickie 24/7 and live as a woman as i should have… Read more »

Tracii Greene
Lady

Loved reading your story.
You look fabulous BTW.

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