It feels so right. Exercising my feminine grace, sharing my soul with a friend or stranger, working on being beautiful. Becoming a woman seems like the worthiest outcome of my efforts, and whenever I think about the necessary practice and perfection to get there it lights a smile inside my soul.
Yet for all my strong desires to be a woman, I go to work on Monday without a trace of the girl within me. I do not need to suffer the sacrifice so many transsexuals make when they transition. And I wonder, is my desire for womanhood just a fantasy that amuses me in my time away from real life?
My lovely wife has been wonderfully supportive. She’s shown more support than I dreamt I would receive. Yet, she loves me for the man I am, and I know that going further down the path to womanhood would mean that I lose the most precious thing in the world to me – the relationship I have with my wife.
Somehow, it feels false for me to split my time between being a man and a woman. It feels more whole to be a man on the journey to womanhood. That even though it is slow, each step is deliberate with a well known end goal. To set such a definitive direction would mean so many things, not least of which are many uncomfortable conversations with those I love.
Don’t misunderstand my confusion – I have come to terms with being transgender – I love and accept that part of myself, along with the many other talents and gifts God has blessed me with. Yet I still struggle with how to express it in a fulfilling way. Unless I have a clear path before me, I resist the necessary practice in the feminine ways that would take me closer to being a woman. If being transgender is part time, more of a ‘hobby’ than a lifestyle for me, how can I be fulfilled?
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I have been cross dressing for as long as I can remember.Most of the time insecret. My femininity feelings have grown as I have got older.I was married and my wife knew and was happy with cross dressing,but she did not know how I really felt inside. We spit about 2 years ago ( not for that reason ) and my femininity really took me over. I started on a breast enharncement program and had other beauty procedures. My body now matches my mind and I feel the best I've felt in my life. I still live a double life,my… Read more »
I am 14 ive felt the same for nearly 6 years now I haven’t told anyone I truly feel like a woman And I want to walk that road but my mother and father wouldn’t be able to accept me and I know its just school but I’m a little popular and what would they think I am willing to leave everyone behind but should I maybe that will hurt me more I feel so pent up and can’t talk to anyone I would love for someone who understands my situation and maybe despite how confident I am my parents… Read more »
I've been a crossdresser since I was 10. I am now considering the road to transition. I've been through the whole "it's just a phase" thing from my family. I've also dealt with the "It's the Devil, you must fight it" routine from pastors and priests. I've also wondered how people around me will feel/act if and when I decide to follow the path to appear on the outside how I feel on the inside. But I've been blessed with a woman who is bisexual. She not only accepts me, but supports me fully, insisting that no matter what I… Read more »
Michelle;
I can understand where you have been; as I am going through some of that myself. I have been closet CD'ing on and off for over 20yrs. I am just now at the point where I'm seeing a friend (who I have known for several years) who will help me bring my fem side out…BTW my Fem name is Susan.
Any waythank-you for reading this;
Take care
Susan
I,ve been cross dressing since 4 years of age when my 3 sister dressed me as the 4th. After 5 I would put on their clothes, I got the hand me downs, and girls shirts button from the other side. I would put on my oldest sister's bra,,when about 9 0r ten years old/ By 12 I was putting on my mother old 1950's style garter belt and individual skin tone stockings. I still hadn't started masturbating. With in the year I was involved with group masturbation with 3 other boys. It is after that I started pleasuring myself while… Read more »
Once I actually started realizing and opening up to the idea that I AM transexual, a whole new world has blossomed before me. I long for the times I can dress the way I feel I should have been born as. I love how I appear in heals, a dress/skirt, etc….but most of all…as some have stated….it just feels right. It feels natural as if this is the way it always should have been. I want to transition, yet, I have a loving wife and son. She doesnt know and I very much believe she would not be supportive at… Read more »
I have been transgender curious since I was a young boy, skimming through the lingere section of the Sears catalog. When I was 13 I accquired some panties and a bathing suit. When I wore them I felt "alive!" Unfortunately, my stash was discovered by my mother and swept under a rug. Now, at 47, I am finally confident enough to share my desires with my wife of 12 years. I am so thankful that she is hesitantly accepting of my newly revealed lifestyle. Her only request is that I "dole out" only as much as she can handle at… Read more »
This is a tough one for me. I've known that there was something unique about myself for much of my life. I didn't know really what that was until a few years ago though. Before I had the "awakening" as I like to refer to it, I didn't much think about being a woman very often. Sure, I dreamed about what it would be like to be a woman, what it would feel like as a woman sexually and all that it entails. Before the 'awakening" I did have some personality traits I simply couldnt put a finger on as… Read more »
I have had the same feelings as you for as long as I cab remember. There was always something there that I could not quite Put a finger on but yet always fantasized about being a woman and tried to push away most of it and not admit the truth to myself. Yet always growing up people would wonder about me and ask if I was a woman or gay those that didn’t know me at least. I have always been told that I have alot of female Manerisms. So I guess growing up I tried to hide that part… Read more »
Wonderful to hear that you’re finally embracing who you are dear! Best of luck!
Since then, the feelings of womanhood have boldly gotten stronger. i went thru the confused phase of…"am i really transexual?"….or am I just nuts. Well, to be honest, I don't really like even the label transexual. I am just ME. And ME wants and feels like I should be female….both in mind and body. My mind has been there hiding at times since I was born, I just want my body to match and I don't know when I can make that happen.
Well said Alicia – just me 🙂 What a powerful statement of dignity.
i didn't realize there was as many people who felt like me i thought i was an odd ball. i have always felt like i was female pretty much since i was 3 or 4 years old, on halloween i always dressed up as a girl. i am now 48 yrs old. right now i am sitting in a nightgown with a housecoat wearing panties and a bra with falsies i went to a thrift store today and bought some new used clothes, all womens, and my wife was with me. i have been married with 3 kids since 1999.… Read more »
hello lori i too have been dressing in girl clothes since i was young.always panties,often a bra. it's starting to get cold here,which means pantyhose and camisoles.no more hot pants or mini skirts. out comes the long velvet skirts and cute sweaters.but as some would say, it doesnt really matter what you wear over your bra and panty set
I know what everyone is talking about because iam also a male that should have been born a female iam married and have been for over 35 years and my wife has known about this from day one and she has helped me alot she curls my hair and makes sure that i look just right before we go out but now i want to live the rest of my life as a woman but we have a son and he or noone else in the family knows about this and i don't know what to do
Bobbi
“Yet, she loves me for the man I am, and I know that going further down the path to womanhood would mean that I lose the most precious thing in the world to me – the relationship I have with my wife." This is the part that rings true for me. I want to be me and that won’t change even if my clothes/body do. I’m still me..I still like the same things I always did and the emotional sincerity that you fell in love with isn’t connected to my “jeans and boots". My wife is supportive but I feel… Read more »
You are not alone. Those who have discovered that they experience gender dysphoria at an advanced stage of life find themselves in a situation very similar to yours. If your discover your true identity late in life, there is so much of your life that you have lived without full awareness of the person within, and you have lived day to day consistently as a male. To transition completely would require a you not only to leave behind your relationship with your wife, but with your children and family of origin as well. You would also leave behind a care… Read more »