It feels so right. Exercising my feminine grace, sharing my soul with a friend or stranger, working on being beautiful. Becoming a woman seems like the worthiest outcome of my efforts, and whenever I think about the necessary practice and perfection to get there it lights a smile inside my soul.
Yet for all my strong desires to be a woman, I go to work on Monday without a trace of the girl within me. I do not need to suffer the sacrifice so many transsexuals make when they transition. And I wonder, is my desire for womanhood just a fantasy that amuses me in my time away from real life?
My lovely wife has been wonderfully supportive. She’s shown more support than I dreamt I would receive. Yet, she loves me for the man I am, and I know that going further down the path to womanhood would mean that I lose the most precious thing in the world to me – the relationship I have with my wife.
Somehow, it feels false for me to split my time between being a man and a woman. It feels more whole to be a man on the journey to womanhood. That even though it is slow, each step is deliberate with a well known end goal. To set such a definitive direction would mean so many things, not least of which are many uncomfortable conversations with those I love.
Don’t misunderstand my confusion – I have come to terms with being transgender – I love and accept that part of myself, along with the many other talents and gifts God has blessed me with. Yet I still struggle with how to express it in a fulfilling way. Unless I have a clear path before me, I resist the necessary practice in the feminine ways that would take me closer to being a woman. If being transgender is part time, more of a ‘hobby’ than a lifestyle for me, how can I be fulfilled?
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I would like to tell my story on crossdressing that I’ve been hiding for 43 years until I found people that I can relate to
I to have always felt I should be a girl/woman. I started feeling this way at 12 years old, I am now 50 and have tried to repress these feelings for 27 years of marriage. I love to dress to feel more like a woman but that only leaves me wanting more than that. I love wearing my bra and panties under my clothes. I have been wearing a padded bra to get more a feeling of having actual breasts. This has been a passion of mine for over 35 years. I’m glad I’m not alone.
I have always hid my feelings from everyone I have coe out t my wife a few years ago and she is very supportive tho things are very hard at tmes with the i was born one way and that is how i shoud be and my mind is always thinking what does she really think that creates problems Now with that said i was born oe way and that is who i am I Am transgender and i am not going to pu a labal on me or anybody else just for what ody parts they may have I… Read more »
“Yet, she loves me for the man I am, and I know that going further down the path to womanhood would mean that I lose the most precious thing in the world to me – the relationship I have with my wife." This is the part that rings true for me. I want to be me and that won’t change even if my clothes/body do. I’m still me..I still like the same things I always did and the emotional sincerity that you fell in love with isn’t connected to my “jeans and boots". My wife is supportive but I feel… Read more »
As you say, on Monday morning you are male. Why the need to choose irrevocably between 2 alternatives? If you are an androgyne, (mixture of male and female), then one day you can be male and the next, well, whatever the mood brings, feminine or masculine. So you can say “I feel girly today, I’ll wear panties and stockings – better not wear a bra to work", on another you are the man about the house. At the weekend your wife can ask you “are you feeling feminine today? Oh good, let’s go shopping for us both" She can have… Read more »
Vanessa, First I would like to say you are wonderful at what you do for the community here in Seattle, I have been involoved for quit a while now and admire you very much. I have recently stopped transitioning after 4 years on hormones at the wonderfull guidence of Dr. Linda Gromko. The reason I did so, was the fact, that I was about to loose my wife of 25 years. She was not willing to be in a Lesbian realationship with me if I transitioned,I was not planning on SRS surgery, and was very happy with myself as the… Read more »
Randi, Thanks for your kind words dear, they’re much appreciated. What a wonderful blessing that Dr. Gromko would treat the whole of you, not just put you on a path to transition. You’re blessed to have such a wonderful and affirming doctor! Phew – the only advice I can share is from my personal experience. I struggled mightily to keep my relationship, but realized that if I wasn’t true to myself I couldn’t hope to be true to anyone else. Divorce was the most painful part of transition, but I’ve never been happier than the last year going full time.… Read more »
Dear Vanessa, I am still young I am only 20, but yet I act as a girl more then a guy. People look at me like I am gay. I am not. I just don’t understand people at times. I act feminine and people start calling me queer and things like that. I grew up knowing in my heart and soul that I am not meant to be a guy, but a women instead. How are you suppose to tell people without then ridiculing you. I have grown up in the country where only a man and a women are… Read more »
emt I am a man and I have been dress up ever I was a little boy I stop for a bit but I aways come back to dress up . I like dress-up I cant wait to I get home from work to be a woman .I mean I go all out my toes are painted all the time and i wear pantie to all the time I wear a wig and I put on make-up and i put on a bra-I like to wear hip hugs pants and any thing that is pink for a shirt . I… Read more »
Im not sure what to do anymore. I have known since I was young that I identify more as a female than a male. I have suppressed it for over 20 years due to the fact that I dont think others would understand. I dont want to be looked at differently than anyone else and im sure if anyone at my job found out I wanted to be a woman there would be a loss of confidence in my abilities. My wife of ten years doesnt even know because I am too ashamed to tell her. I dont want to… Read more »
I have been a closet crossdresser for many years now and have had my struggles through it. I am a man without a trace of my woman side to everyone I know. They would be very much shocked if they knew the real me. As the years have gone by it has been much harder to fight my urges to keep my womanly feelings inside, in fact, I have met a man who wants me to embrace it and become his wife…it’s something I’ve always thought about and excites me to no end. Being a housewife is something I’ve always… Read more »