Living between the man I am and the woman I want to be

It feels so right. Exercising my feminine grace, sharing my soul with a friend or stranger, working on being beautiful. Becoming a woman seems like the worthiest outcome of my efforts, and whenever I think about the necessary practice and perfection to get there it lights a smile inside my soul.

Yet for all my strong desires to be a woman, I go to work on Monday without a trace of the girl within me. I do not need to suffer the sacrifice so many transsexuals make when they transition. And I wonder, is my desire for womanhood just a fantasy that amuses me in my time away from real life?

My lovely wife has been wonderfully supportive. She’s shown more support than I dreamt I would receive. Yet, she loves me for the man I am, and I know that going further down the path to womanhood would mean that I lose the most precious thing in the world to me – the relationship I have with my wife.

Visit Transgender Heaven

Somehow, it feels false for me to split my time between being a man and a woman. It feels more whole to be a man on the journey to womanhood. That even though it is slow, each step is deliberate with a well known end goal. To set such a definitive direction would mean so many things, not least of which are many uncomfortable conversations with those I love.

Don’t misunderstand my confusion – I have come to terms with being transgender – I love and accept that part of myself, along with the many other talents and gifts God has blessed me with. Yet I still struggle with how to express it in a fulfilling way. Unless I have a clear path before me, I resist the necessary practice in the feminine ways that would take me closer to being a woman. If being transgender is part time, more of a ‘hobby’ than a lifestyle for me, how can I be fulfilled?

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rich
8 years ago

hi I’m rich know as aka rikkimariewill I’ve been dressing on and off for many year and I sometimes think that I’m more feminine than what I think or even try to be however I’ve find myself more seeing a woman that knows everything about me and she doesn’t accept me for being who I am I feel like I’m out of place when I’m around her so now I feel that I have to leave her and do what I need to do in order to become a woman however I have some friends that feels and act the… Read more »

Ronnie
8 years ago

Hello, my name is Ronnie and I live in Ohio in a very “hick” town, of course most of Ohio is that way, but I now find my self in low income houseing because of having open heart surgery, and now having insurance, so had to sell my home and I am waiting on social security to make there choice if or not to let me have my social security or not. Until then, I will remain here, yuck!!! Anyway, I am now 51 and have done drag shows off and on for years, untill about the last 4 or… Read more »

tammy
tammy
8 years ago

Hi Vanessa thank you for your lovely site. i am trans i am married
(37yrs) my wife dose not know & would like if she did. My problem is more & more i want to wear femail clothes i am much happy when i am wearing femail clothes i hate beening a man & wearing mens things. I Also hate my male bits & wishes i had womans bits. Thank you for lisnen. love & hugs Tammy oxox Ps i forgot to ask how you are hunnie.

John Palser
John Palser
8 years ago

I’m glad I found cross dresser heaven.It’s very interesting and informative.I’m 63 years young and just had the guts to cross dress last year.I always thought I might enjoy wearing women’s clothes,but let my fear of “what will they say or what will they think of me if I do this”.Any way,it’s great to be over my fears. I don’t feel like I want to be female or I was born as the wrong sex.I just feel like a man who wants to cross dress because it feels nice.My first experience happened on Halloween.I felt safe because we were going… Read more »

sweets
8 years ago

i love it

Moddle
8 years ago

It seems that crossdressing is a truly, delightful pastime for so many of us. I live in New Zealand as a heterosexual ( I think )who spends most of his time in soft flowing woman’s clothing. An engineer working at home, either large black satin panties or a skirt are my usual garments in the shop. I even feel more at ease with heels built up on my work sandals. My question is why? Almost all my wardrobe is women’s, with the androgynous clothing for outside. I just like me. Thank you all for sharing, perhaps we are before our… Read more »

samantha
8 years ago

I’ve been crossdressing ever since I saw a womans pink panties shaowing at the back when bent down. Something uncontrollable happended to me inside and I just wanted run home and wear a panty and feel it against my skin. Crossdressing took hold of me since then when I must have been 8 or 10 and have been doing so for the past 60 years. Just couldn’t stop as the intensity incresed over the years. Still have to do it behind closed doors. Wife’s initial support is no longer there. Told me that I am now old and shouldn’t be… Read more »

Moddle
8 years ago
Reply to  samantha

Lovely, Samantha I too feel best, as i am now, dressed as a woman. My wife ridicules my love of feminine clothing, but she lives 300 miles away so there! She does hear the earrings banging against the phone on one of our frequent conversations, always asks about this with no reply. Yes, I too feel ecstatic with flowing satin against my skin, even though this is most of the time now. The thing is, I don’t feel any less of a man, my life sports and work are all ‘manly’. Does playing the piano, cooking, looking after my little… Read more »

muskamcute30
8 years ago

i am too intrested in slose crossdressing i like to remain alwain ladies costumes but due to family reputation iam not able to do so i am such acrazy that i try it put on my bra under my gents costumes and put on slieght make up those who are on this line they understand me some time in jokes i admitted to my friends that i am transgender but not a gay

Tammy
8 years ago

First of all you know how strong your desire is to dress and feal like woman . You must have known this before you got married. I don’t know how any man could give his wife up if she lets him dress and have his way like you say she does . Wow I wish I could have this women. You must think of living with a nother man. That is lieing to your self . I hope you go through all you say you want to but remember once you change there is no going back. You well also… Read more »

Tammy
8 years ago

I bye my own things I dress almost every day. I’m a man and want to stay a man but I feel more relaxes dressing in wemon clothing. like right now I’m dressed in a black skirt a blue blouse blue shoes to mach the blouse . I fell more relaxed. You know when you come home from a trying day at the office you slip out of your daily clothes and into something more relaxing. Me it is these clothes. I’m decent looking and I don’t feel like competing with my wife as dressing. she looks better then i… Read more »

mistee
8 years ago
Reply to  Tammy

i agree, i work really hard and come home and take Ricks clothes off and dress as mistee…and cant wait for the weekend when i dont have to change

urmila11
7 years ago
Reply to  Tammy

I perfectly understand you, My case is similar ti yoursm except that my kids dont know about my dressing, I do it when in our bedroom or when kusd are away, Even in my house wife is the boss and she is the one who takes decisions
I always wear panties and slips under my regular clothing and some times sports bra with wide straps to my office.

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