Mental health is a state of mental well-being that enables people to cope with the stresses of life, realize their abilities, learn well, work well, and contribute to their community. In an uncomplicated way, mental illness is a general term for a group of illnesses that may impact a person’s thoughts, perceptions, feelings, and behaviours. Mental health issues and illnesses can affect working and personal relationships. Counselling, medication, or both can help you treat mental illness.
In New Zealand, about forty-seven percent of Kiwis experience mental distresses or illnesses and for the Rainbow communities the numbers are even worse. Over fifty percent of people in the Rainbow communities, i.e., fifty-seven percent of the Rainbow people experience mental issues. Add in the disadvantaged communities like the Māori and Pacifica communities as well as the Disabled communities and the statistics grow even worse. Saying this, I feel the need to share this to help raise awareness of the problems we face today.
On 03/08/2023, a brother in my direct community decided that life was not worth living and ended his life. A young female-to-male transgender person who just wanted to be free and to be accepted. How many others are there living on the edge with the same thoughts? If you want to convince me that is selfish of them or attention seeking, then you need to go look in the mirror. Just ask yourself, what did I do today? What did I do or say to brighten up someone else’s day or what might I have said, or didn’t that just destroyed their sense of want? They say the tongue is the sharpest object you can get. How true is that statement?
I can lay claims to these comments because you know what? I was one of those who are “selfish or seeking attention” people. Through divine intervention, I was moved away from that edge. No, I was not selfish and no, I was not seeking attention. I live alone and I was seconds from becoming a statistic. They would have maybe only found my body weeks later because you know why? Being isolated and being pushed away from those who you care about and love the most, not finding employment or promotions, not having any more friends, and I became lonely and secluded. Each day of my life became more miserable. My so-called “friends” who were buddies until they could not benefit from our friendships anymore were gone because of my changes. I could no longer repair their cars and I could no longer provide a warrant of fitness help or inspections. So, maybe I became obsolete to their requirement for friendship, but who knows? Then I experienced the distancing from my family. My four children and my sisters; all but one living back in South Africa with one living in Australia now.
Besides my oldest daughter Tania, who tries her best to keep regular contact with me, none of the other three ever make an effort or even try to call me. My own sisters will only talk if I contact them otherwise, I will never hear from them. They say they have accepted me as who I am but, did they or are they just saying that to soothe my mind (or theirs)? You know what? I don’t care anymore. These are the issues we face every day of our lives. The struggle to survive is real. We get attacked from all sides, not only by those who don’t understand, but from those who preach with a bible under their arm but avoid living up to those same requirements within themselves. This is not about those people or what their prerogatives are in life, either. This is about mental well-being and a sense of belonging, a desire to live a life free from influential and perceived obligations as to who we are in modern societies. As I have described some reasons mental health or wellbeing becomes an issue, I’d like to note a few signs that indicate a mental unwellness around us.
When you see your friend or family member start changing known life habits or if they become emotionally distracted or distanced. They may start to fade away and become secluded and distanced from what they used to do and be. They may become engaged in living a life of low self-esteem; less self-care tendencies with a no-care attitude towards personal hygiene. They walk around all day feeling like there’s no hope for them or they feel overwhelmed by everything we take for granted.
These are danger signs we need to recognize; something is seriously wrong, and we need to notice any signs that suggest a shift towards suicidal thoughts or talks. Mental health and well-being should be part of our everyday life and in every situation we find ourselves in. How we see, feel, and think while dealing with life’s ups and downs is a major factor in whether we experience positive or negative mental well-being for ourselves. It also helps us to recognize the same in some people we see every day. It’s up to us to see and recognize the signs that are deteriorating our society, especially if we live in rural areas where support may be a phone call away, but in reality, could take hours for physical help and/or support. Some because of distances as well as the shortcomings in our own Mental Health System.
I do not have to go far when I say, we have a very poor mental health system here in our own country, Aotearoa-New Zealand. I’m not going to enter the political circus arena and debate who and why our mental health is in such a poor situation. My opinion is it doesn’t look good, and some drastic changes need to happen in order to alleviate the situation.
How can we make a difference and help to improve our mental health and that of those who struggle? We can start by learning to recognize what’s happening around us and see the signs of deterioration in those who we know and also in our society. The people we know and how they changed over time are good indicators of their mental well-being. If we recognize the signs, we can certainly try to improve the well-being of those near us and those who are part of our daily life.
Become more involved and connect with those who we see have changed. Prioritise making face-to-face connections if you can, but even a simple phone call or text is a start for someone who is alone and lonely. Reach out if you struggle, you just may find the connection to what your needs are. Adopt some healthy sleeping and eating habits that will help support a strong mental well-being. Start a relaxing hobby and create a relaxing environment around yourself. There are many more “tips” to follow, but resorting to the basics is a big start towards healthy living and generating a well-balanced lifestyle that can only improve your mental well-being. If you are struggling, please reach out to someone who cares and if you see someone who struggles, reach out to them, and show you care. The bottom line of all this is that no matter who you are or what situation you find yourself in, reach out! I dedicate this article to that person who not only had no support in place, but a person who is no more, just because they wanted to be free to be happy.
I'm a 64 year old M2F transgender woman. I have been on full HRT for almost 9 years. I have been part of TGH for a while now as well as on CDH to widen my horizon in the CD/Trans community. I have been battling my feelings of being something else since early childhood. Constantly subjected to abuse and worse. Growing up in a poor family wasn't easy so I found myself hiding in the closet until about age 56. I was married twice with my second being " A trip to Hell". When my second ex left me, I came out and decided it's time to rebirth myself into what I am today. I am a Christian and my biggest struggle becoming me, was that I was scared of not being able to keep being a Christian. When I had that sorted out, I became the happiest trans woman in the world I think. After a stint in a mental clinic for severe depression and suicide intentions, I got to meet wonderful people on my road to recovery. I am now managing my local Suicide Prevention Support Group in my community and I'm just happy to be myself at last. In August 2024 after I lost my house and had to relocate back to Auckland, I went to Bangkok, Thailand for my GRS and was so happy with the outcome that I paid for my partner's revision surgery as well since she was very unhappy with her surgery outcome in NZ. Two of us together as a couple and both very happy living together. Currently I'm busy with studies doing my degree and plan ongoing fights for those who cannot fight for themselves.
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Neha K
1 year ago
Thank you for sharing this incredible message Ms.Catherine. I echo you . To all my pretty ladies out here… " Reach out – You are never alone. " Life is too short to care about others. YOU are the most important person in your life.
Thanks for sharing Catherine. You are so right the mental health situation world wide is so lacking. My daughter found a suiside message her 16 year old daughter had written. Having no facilities in our county so they had to send her across the state 3.5 hours away. For myself I am not getting counseling (I really ought to???). I am happy right now where I am in myself. If I do get counseling I would want a little push back so we could investigate if I REALLY want to do/be where I am or want to be.
. Cassie
Thanks for your reply, Catherine. Right now everything seems fine, I keep telling both of them if they need someone to talk to to call me, I’m here to listen and/or offer advice. Granddaughter is getting counseling, so much to go through being a teen today. These kids want to grow up so fast.
Last night I got a text from granddaughter, she wants me to take her to get her nails done, since I am thinking of getting my nails done this week we might make an afternoon of it getting nails done!!
. Cassie
Hi Ms. Catherine. You really struck a nerve with your post. I too, am in this situation. I haven’t came out to my sons, but I find it is the getting older, which causes my “mental illness". My sons, now have their own life, their own family with children, and live in different parts of the country. I live in Alaska, they went off to college, in other parts of the United States, got married and I don’t hear from them very often. Maybe a couple times a year. I relish those times, and don’t dare come out for fear… Read more »
Hi Cheri, Thanks for your replies. Don’t let age put you back or be a deciding factor in making decisions about who you are. I started my HRT journey when I was fifty-six and now at 63, I am happy with who I am and I’m happy I took that step. As for the sons etc. only you can decide who and what you are and nobody else. I understand your situation though. What you need to find out if you don’t know already, is how they feel about crossdressers and trans people in general. See if you have support… Read more »
Thank you Catherine for this informative and thought provoking article. We all have our ups and downs, the trouble is our community it so diverse and physically separated. Only two people in the world actually physically know AnnaBeth. This makes it’s difficult to support each other, I realize that you were talking of all people not just the trans community so there is a chance to help some people at least in my case.
I’m sorry for loss of someone in your community but I am happy that you seem to have found peace in your life.
Hi AnnaBeth, Thanks for the kind words. Yes, it is a difficult situation for many people and I am concerned about each person in what I do. My main target audience however is the transgender and gender-diverse people. Some of us have a double whammy when it comes to mental health and our well-being. Daily stresses as many have and on top of that, with our identity struggles most if not all of us have. Losing a friend and a client after a long struggle is not easy, because, at the end of the day, you start the doubts. Was… Read more »
It is very difficult to reach out and ask for help. I know I was one that reached out went to my doctor for help. When I started to get assistance and talk with others you would be surprised by how many started to asses their own situation and took steps. It took one person to admit they required help others saw that as a show of strength not a weakness. This has taught me to be an open book hide nothing be who you are be proud. If you cannot talk or vent because sometimes a good shout at… Read more »
@Ms. Catherine (Cathy) Vos I am doing well as I said when I went for help I was told just talk to others if they do not want to listen. Fair enough do not count them as a friend just an accquaintence. Sometimes we can reveal a bit to much about ourselves. But so be it
@coleencd Hi, Coleen. I just saw this topic and read your posts. I totally agree, it takes one person with the courage to say they need help and then the floodgates open! In the world of work, long time, galaxy far far away stuff, I would always be the one who, when asked if there were any questions, would speak up and say, yes, could you just go over this again, from the start because I haven’t understood a word! Then, all the stony faces melted in relief because neither had they but were too scared to admit it. I… Read more »
Ms Catherine, thank you for this article. I have been on that same edge of extinction multiple times and attempted twice. I couldn’t come close to describing nearly as well as you do. I think we all have some sort of unresolved trauma and don’t know how to process it. I carried my childhood trauma for almost 50 years until I got help. Thanks again for this article and your vulnerability in sharing.
@Ms. Catherine (Cathy) Vos How did I miss this Catherine.
A well thought and important article.
From my experience,
Never ignore the signs, Never be embarrassed, Never be afraid to talk about it, Never hesitate to seek help sooner rather than later.
@Ms. Catherine (Cathy) Vos This is so much appreciated and important for us all. For me, engaging with a therapist was the tipping point where I started (it is a process for sure…) to accept my femineity and accept it. Now, I have recognized that I am most likely trans and have started to integrate my authentic self into my everyday life. While somewhat scary, it is amazingly liberating.
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Thank you for sharing this incredible message Ms.Catherine. I echo you . To all my pretty ladies out here… " Reach out – You are never alone. " Life is too short to care about others. YOU are the most important person in your life.
Hugs
Neha
Thank you Neha.
@nehak Thank you very much hon.
Thanks for sharing Catherine. You are so right the mental health situation world wide is so lacking. My daughter found a suiside message her 16 year old daughter had written. Having no facilities in our county so they had to send her across the state 3.5 hours away. For myself I am not getting counseling (I really ought to???). I am happy right now where I am in myself. If I do get counseling I would want a little push back so we could investigate if I REALLY want to do/be where I am or want to be.
. Cassie
Thank you Cassie,
How is your daughter doing now and her daughter?
Please reach out if you struggle and I’ll always be here if you need someone to talk to.
Take care and keep safe.
Love and hugs
Catherine
Thanks for your reply, Catherine. Right now everything seems fine, I keep telling both of them if they need someone to talk to to call me, I’m here to listen and/or offer advice. Granddaughter is getting counseling, so much to go through being a teen today. These kids want to grow up so fast.
Last night I got a text from granddaughter, she wants me to take her to get her nails done, since I am thinking of getting my nails done this week we might make an afternoon of it getting nails done!!
. Cassie
You’re welcome hon.
Keep a close eye on that granddaughter though.
She may be trying to reach out for help with notes like that and find some difficulty trusting anyone.
I’m here if you need to talk about this.
Take care and be safe.
Hugs
Catherine.
Hi Ms. Catherine. You really struck a nerve with your post. I too, am in this situation. I haven’t came out to my sons, but I find it is the getting older, which causes my “mental illness". My sons, now have their own life, their own family with children, and live in different parts of the country. I live in Alaska, they went off to college, in other parts of the United States, got married and I don’t hear from them very often. Maybe a couple times a year. I relish those times, and don’t dare come out for fear… Read more »
Hi Cheri, Thanks for your replies. Don’t let age put you back or be a deciding factor in making decisions about who you are. I started my HRT journey when I was fifty-six and now at 63, I am happy with who I am and I’m happy I took that step. As for the sons etc. only you can decide who and what you are and nobody else. I understand your situation though. What you need to find out if you don’t know already, is how they feel about crossdressers and trans people in general. See if you have support… Read more »
Thank you Catherine for this informative and thought provoking article. We all have our ups and downs, the trouble is our community it so diverse and physically separated. Only two people in the world actually physically know AnnaBeth. This makes it’s difficult to support each other, I realize that you were talking of all people not just the trans community so there is a chance to help some people at least in my case.
I’m sorry for loss of someone in your community but I am happy that you seem to have found peace in your life.
Hugs
AnnaBeth
Hi AnnaBeth, Thanks for the kind words. Yes, it is a difficult situation for many people and I am concerned about each person in what I do. My main target audience however is the transgender and gender-diverse people. Some of us have a double whammy when it comes to mental health and our well-being. Daily stresses as many have and on top of that, with our identity struggles most if not all of us have. Losing a friend and a client after a long struggle is not easy, because, at the end of the day, you start the doubts. Was… Read more »
It is very difficult to reach out and ask for help. I know I was one that reached out went to my doctor for help. When I started to get assistance and talk with others you would be surprised by how many started to asses their own situation and took steps. It took one person to admit they required help others saw that as a show of strength not a weakness. This has taught me to be an open book hide nothing be who you are be proud. If you cannot talk or vent because sometimes a good shout at… Read more »
Hi Coleen,
Yeah, that’s true.
If you don’t speak up for yourself then nobody else would.
Hope you are doing well.
Love and hugs
Catherine
@Ms. Catherine (Cathy) Vos I am doing well as I said when I went for help I was told just talk to others if they do not want to listen. Fair enough do not count them as a friend just an accquaintence. Sometimes we can reveal a bit to much about ourselves. But so be it
@Ms. Catherine (Cathy) Vos Doing very well thanks
@coleencd Hi, Coleen. I just saw this topic and read your posts. I totally agree, it takes one person with the courage to say they need help and then the floodgates open! In the world of work, long time, galaxy far far away stuff, I would always be the one who, when asked if there were any questions, would speak up and say, yes, could you just go over this again, from the start because I haven’t understood a word! Then, all the stony faces melted in relief because neither had they but were too scared to admit it. I… Read more »
Ms Catherine, thank you for this article. I have been on that same edge of extinction multiple times and attempted twice. I couldn’t come close to describing nearly as well as you do. I think we all have some sort of unresolved trauma and don’t know how to process it. I carried my childhood trauma for almost 50 years until I got help. Thanks again for this article and your vulnerability in sharing.
You are welcome hon.
The most important is believing in yourself and never giving up.
Love and hugs
Cathy, xxx
@Indigo “indi” thanks hon. I just write what is on my mind on a particular day or a time.
Take care.
Love and hugs, xxx
@Ms. Catherine (Cathy) Vos How did I miss this Catherine.
A well thought and important article.
From my experience,
Never ignore the signs, Never be embarrassed, Never be afraid to talk about it, Never hesitate to seek help sooner rather than later.
Thank you Angela.
The article is what message I’m hoping to get accross to everyone.
Love and hugs, xxx
@Ms. Catherine (Cathy) Vos This is so much appreciated and important for us all. For me, engaging with a therapist was the tipping point where I started (it is a process for sure…) to accept my femineity and accept it. Now, I have recognized that I am most likely trans and have started to integrate my authentic self into my everyday life. While somewhat scary, it is amazingly liberating.
You’re welcome hon.
Always reach out when in need.
There will be someone waiting to take your hand.
You’re never alone.
Love and hugs, xxx
Cathy