This is 40 years of how I mostly came to be where I’m at today. I left out the back stories of burying two daughters, 20 years apart, and the struggles with addiction and depression; 50 pages couldn’t tell my story, nor come close to counting the tears I’ve shed.

We’re all responsible for our own decisions, whether wrong or right; they were ours to make. If it wasn’t for my family, I’m pretty sure my path would have been different. I would have rather lived as a woman.

The trick to making it through life…is a big, bright smile on your face, and never dwelling on, or regretting the “what if’s.” You play the hand that you are dealt with; learn to Laugh, Love, and Live.

Unleash Your Inner Woman

In the early 80’s as summer rolled around, I was 13. My sister wasted no time in moving to another town to attend college. She and I shared a full finished basement, each of us with our own bedroom. After my parents went to bed upstairs, I would explore in my sister’s room. I tried on bras and tops, which led to walking in her heels and pantyhose. Over the summer, I would paint my nails and use her makeup. I would spend the entire night walking back and forth in the basement…. oh, what a rush.

At 19, I was living with my wife’s parents in a fairly large house. I worked the night shift, so during the day…. I was all alone. I was only 135 lbs. and could fit into all the beautiful things both her mother and she had. I knew the joy of wearing their high heels, miniskirts, lacy tops—weeks’ worth of pretty clothes. One day, fully dressed with makeup, I heard the lock turn. My wife’s sister had brought her laundry to our house to wash. I ran in our bedroom, closed the door, and waited for her to leave. They left 10 minutes later, but I’d been caught by my sister-in-law and her daughter…

We never spoke of it, but months later I was divorced for other reasons….. (I know it had played some part in it.)

I jumped into another relationship in less than three months. Having kids soon followed, and after a tragedy in our lives, I once again had more time alone. Going through her clothes awakened the woman in me, again. I wasn’t 135 lbs. anymore. It seems as she put on weight being pregnant, I too gained right along with her. Luckily (or unfortunately), her best friend started staying with us. She was my size, and I couldn’t resist all of her pretty things. They were gone quite often; I was fine with that. Still somewhat “passable,” I moved about and was caught several times. My wife had been told several times that a woman was seen at our place…

Seven years later, I find myself living alone again. Dressing was heavy on my mind, and I acquired an impressive wardrobe through shopping for things one at a time. Working for a man hauling junk vehicles to his scrapyard, I collected stuff that was left in cars, high heels, jewelry, make up, etc; it’s unbelievable what women will leave behind.

I started dating my ex-wife’s ex best friend. I didn’t dress for several years. After the “newness” kind of faded, we became more like best friends. I tend to believe that she had found out about my dressing. There were some subtle hints over the next 5 years. She passed away at only 43 years old. I believed that I would have opened up to her at some point; we were that close. Weeks before she passed, she’d been dropping hints, trying to get me to watch several T- Girl themed movies. I miss her.

Another relationship soon followed. It wasn’t really about love. We both happened to find each other. I had a big garage one lot past where we lived. I would spend many weekends, locked away inside, and dressed to the HILT! I kept all my girly stuff in the trunk of a car. I would put on fake nails, walk around in my 4 and 5 inch heels, and fix many a vehicle while dressed.

For the last few years, I’ve lived alone. The older I have gotten, the more I want to dress. At times, I fight it hard. I bet I have purged my collections at least 10 times over the years. Put it all in a pile and burn it to the ground. Time passes, something triggers that feeling, and here I go again. It doesn’t bother me to go into a store and buy girly stuff now.

I like taking pictures and videos of myself. I have some pictures posted on a few sites. I admit, I really like getting “genuine” compliments. Recently, I’ve deleted gigabytes of stored images and recordings of my journey. I’m always striving to be more “passable.” I ordered a fitted Corset and looked at some very “nice” wigs. A girl’s hair has gotta be just right….

Lacy

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Lacy Thomas

i AM a big girl . Started dressing in my teens , and it has been a whirlwind obsession ever sense . Sometimes I fight it , sometimes it consumes me . I just know its a part of me that makes me happy.

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6 Comments
  1. Davina Stone 5 months ago

    I’m touched and saddened but I must write that the photo composition is stunning

  2. Michelle Liefde 5 months ago

    Lacy, thank you for writing this. Learning even a small portion of the things you have gone through reminds me how we all have our stories to tell. I appreciate how difficult it can be to write an article, especially one so personal. And by the way love my own corset and most definitely about the hair.

    Hugs,
    Michelle

  3. Rozalyne Richards 5 months ago

    Hi Lacy most of us on here can relate to your story, we started young and grew old living with our secrets hoping not to get caught and hoping if we did our spouses would approve, we purge and then start over again then purge again so the cycle goes on, we know in our hearts and our heads that this is what our lives will entail for the rest of our lives, thank to what ever God you believe in that we are not alone and with site’s like this one we can support each other because in our eyes we will always be who we are x

  4. Hi Lacy….thank you for sharing your story with us. My goodness…..you have had a time of it, haven’t you!

    Isn’t it amazing how people feel sorry and bend over backwards to help murders and serial killers and rapists.
    Yet, they hate us…..are we really worse than the criminal mutts??? Sad.

    You are a hell of a tough girl Lacy….proud to make your aquaintence……….if you ever need help…I am here for you.

    Hugs………

    Dame Veronica

  5. *skippy1965(Cynthia) 5 months ago

    Lacy, your story is heart rending -both for the personal losses you suffered and for the way you’ve had to restrict yourself from being fully yourself. Thank you for sharing your story-it may help others on their own journeys!
    Cyn

  6. Amy Myers 5 months ago

    What a life experience you’ve had! Mine has not been anything like the ups and downs you’ve had. Through it all your dressing has been a staple, as it were of your life. It has caused you pain, but has provided much joy in your life as well.
    Thank you so much for sharing.
    Amy

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