You’re likely feeling a bit shocked – after all, this is unlikely to be something you expected when you entered the relationship. Your boyfriend was probably wracked with fear when you first found out, and it’s likely he didn’t tell you himself because he feared that you wouldn’t accept his crossdressing. He may be both nervous and eager to share more details with you. Don’t let him go faster than you feel comfortable with. After all, he has been dealing with this for years and you only just found out.
You shouldn’t fear that you’re in this alone – It is surprisingly common for men to crossdress, at least occasionally. Some estimates say that roughly 5% of men are transgendered. There are many organizations that help wives and girlfriends, we have a program on Crossdresser Heaven exclusively for significant others where you can find resources, support and encouragement.
You may feel many emotions, and may even surprise yourself by having fun together when he’s crossdressing. If that’s the case, go with it! Don’t feel like you need to conform to an outdated set of societal norms!
A great resource is a book written by Peggy Rudd called ‘My Husband Wears My Clothes‘. I’ve included a link below. This book was written by a woman whose husband is a crossdresser. Peggy provides insight, comfort and support for any woman who finds out that her beloved is a crosdresser.
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Dear Vanessa, I am a male and cross dressing secretly without anyone knowledge. I have a girlfriend and I am having difficulties in life thinking whether I should forced myself to stop this for the sake of my relationship. I had gave some indication to my girlfriend about my crossdressing interest but she hated the idea and not willing to accept it. I really wanted to continue my relationship but it is so difficult trying not to think about crossdressing. So far, 1 week is the longest I can stay away from my bras and panties… Please advice.. I need… Read more »
Dear Elaine, I know I am not Vanessa and cannot give exactly the same advice as she would. However I do believe that if you are truly trying to conserve this relationship of yours you need to find some time to have a serious discussion about it. She may not go for it right off the bat and that has to be expected(we’re not exactly the majority here are we?). I am of the opinion that if you plan on taking a relationship anywhere that goes farther than a couple of dates you need to tell her. This is a… Read more »
Ashley – well said, this is good advice. Share with her, but be open to her not accepting right away. Be gentle, realize that this will be hard on her, but don’t commit to changing who you are just to be with her.
And, the reason that you’re suggesting that she not change to conform to a relationship goal is that is almost impossible to stop, right? It is exremely difficult if not nearly impossible to stop dressing in whatever degree one is dressing. And, the other question is why would you want to stop? it hurts no one, for one thing.
is it really true that by taking birthtaking pills one would grow breasts and turn looking a bit feminine style
Birthcontrol pills have female hormones in them, but taking hormones when not under a doctor’s care can be dangerous. If you or someone you love is considering hormones I highly recommend you consult a doctor. Apart from the desired effects (breast growth, female fat distribution), there are many other health risks that go along with hormones, such as an increased risk of stroke.
I would like to find another crossdresser in New Phila,Dover that I can talk too one on one. I told a lady of mine she was Ok as long as I didn’t borrow her stuff. Right now we no longer see each other so I have know one. My two X’s didn’t know a thing about me cross dressing #2 and I were married 24yrs.she never knew. It was hard on me not telling afew tines it came up for another person she stated if every she say me like that her and my kids were going. When I was… Read more »
Hey Randy, have you tried look at http://www.tri-ess.org They may have a chapter that meets near you.
I even dont know what to do:(I can’t accept that the man next to me is a crossdresser,I want to be a wife of a normal man.I found out two weeks ago that my lovely hubby is into men!!!What do I have to do???He tells me that he loves me,but i really think that he is more into my beauty and clothes.I feel so bad,cause i really loved him…….
Amely, I can only imagine how hard this is on you. Please know that you have the right to feel frustrated, angry or confused by all this. It sounds like he’s just landed a double whammy on you – that he is bisexual and a crossdresser.
My prayers are with you. The thing I recommend most of all is lots of good, open, honest communication. Share your thoughts and feelings while you listen to his. Don’t give up just yet dear.
I just found out a VDay that my boyfriend is a crossdresser and I don't know what to do because I really do love him. I feel your pain and I understand what you mean about him being more into your beauty and clother than you.
Don't know quite how to start this letter to you all.But I'll give It a shot ok?Well my Crossdressing started way back when I was around 6 or 7 year's old or so..My best rememberence was the first time I seen my Mother putting on her Pantyhose and Girdle & Bra.She worked In a nursing home.She wore those long white doctor like dress I believe.I just didn't know how to react to seeing my Mother dressing.I wasn't quite In school yet,This was on a week end I think?Well any way,when mom left for work,my Aunt's were living with us.They baby… Read more »
he mustt be bi but if he says that he wants to be with u then ur the one he wants to be with.he decided to marry u and not someone else.
im in the same boat my boyfriend is a cross dresser i found out myself when i confronted him he told me everything he says he is straight and loves me can this be?? he sais he wants a future with me as man and wife is this possible in this situation??
Hi hon, It is possible to live happily with a crossdresser as man and wife – I know many couples who have been together for many years where the husband is a crossdresser. You should go into this with your eyes open, there is going to be a lot of open communication and at times compromises that both of you need to make. My advice is to take it slow, make sure that your boyfriend understands how far he wants to take crossdressing – if he were to become a woman that would create a whole different dynamic to your… Read more »
Thank you, I needed that advice as well. My boyfriend told me that a while back and I was cool with it then, helping him buy clothes and things. I grew up in a town where you would see crossdressers all the time so I thought I was cool with it. Then he went to a dragshow while I was out of town and once I was home I was greeted with pics on facebook that made me feel uncomfortable, but I hurt him by telling him that. So I told him I would get over it, and now am… Read more »
Erin, good for you hon. Education on this subject is an absolute must. Please learn all you can. That way, you will be able to make informed, rational decisions about where and how far you both want to go with his/her crossdressing. If you notice, there is a listing of books on this site. Look them over and choose the ones that most closly fit your situation and read them. Most of all, love your crossdresser and be supportive of her as far as you can. Compromise is the key here for both of you. Talk about what each of… Read more »
Erin,
May I ask what it was that cause the hurt for you? The fact that he was sneaking around or going to the drag show or both? It seems to me that the honesty situation is one of the concerns that women usually have to some degree or another. They say, if you’re not honest about this, what else are you being dishonest about? It can be unsettling to most women. And, sometimes they do have valid concerns about that.
I just found out my BF is a crossdresser and I am supportive, but I somehow feel like he is more attracted to what I wear and not me.. I am trying to be open minded about this, but it makes me feel like I am not enough. __We have been together almost a year and our sex life is pathetic… I am just scared if it's like this now, what it is going to be like in the future if we get married.__Is this normal?__I'm afraid a skirt turns him on more that me..__Any advise?__
i am cross dreser male with marry
I am 28 year cd. Since childhood i wanted to look like female and secretly wearing my sisters clothes. Now i wear bhabhi’s saree jwellary and make up with inner garment. Sometime i go out wearing bra under my clothes. I like feeling of bra. I wish to have my nose and ear pierced. Saree is my favourate gown.
Hello everyone I just found this site and decided to look into it. My fiance is a cross dresser. Its been 2 years now since he told me. He told me he first knew when he watched his mum put on high heels when he was little and then tried them on for himself. Now every night he has to wear a pair of heels. It is weird for me because I do want just a normal man but i have to accept it if i want to stay with him. We have a shoe cupboard and he has his… Read more »
hello Shygirluk
first, when you say “normal" man, you are referring to what? 🙂 you say it ‘gets to you". what about it causes the concern or consternation? the fact that he likes women’s clothes? How do those make YOU feel? they’re pretty sexy, right? Can’t a guy enjoy that same sensation?