You’re likely feeling a bit shocked – after all, this is unlikely to be something you expected when you entered the relationship. Your boyfriend was probably wracked with fear when you first found out, and it’s likely he didn’t tell you himself because he feared that you wouldn’t accept his crossdressing. He may be both nervous and eager to share more details with you. Don’t let him go faster than you feel comfortable with. After all, he has been dealing with this for years and you only just found out.
You shouldn’t fear that you’re in this alone – It is surprisingly common for men to crossdress, at least occasionally. Some estimates say that roughly 5% of men are transgendered. There are many organizations that help wives and girlfriends, we have a program on Crossdresser Heaven exclusively for significant others where you can find resources, support and encouragement.
You may feel many emotions, and may even surprise yourself by having fun together when he’s crossdressing. If that’s the case, go with it! Don’t feel like you need to conform to an outdated set of societal norms!
A great resource is a book written by Peggy Rudd called ‘My Husband Wears My Clothes‘. I’ve included a link below. This book was written by a woman whose husband is a crossdresser. Peggy provides insight, comfort and support for any woman who finds out that her beloved is a crosdresser.
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my bf is a dickhead about his "crossdressing" i cant talk to him about it or he gets "uncomfortable" but totally disregards the fact that i will need to know about this due to the fact it is my life with him! is that selfish, so if understanding is what a crossdresser wants maybe its not all bout them, maybe they can answer some quetions to the person dealing with it!
He needs to open up to you and realize the fact that since you want to talk about it with him, you are opened minded and want to be part of his life. As his life includes a feminine side, he needs and is obligated to reveal that side of himself to you. If he does and is honest with himself and you, your relationship will flourish because of it. Just tell him you realize he does not have a choice in the matter and that it is better not to hide it from you and you need to share… Read more »
ms sh.- You raise some good points and thank you for posing this question and sharing your feelings about this. You didn’t elaborate much on your point other than he gets uncomfortable about his crossdressing and presumably either gets mad or clams up and doesn’t want to talk about it. And, maybe it sounds as if you want some sort of “logical" explanation of the “what fors" and “why’s of why he crossdresses. Well, in many cases, that is the 1 million dollar question that many of us have a difficult time explaining ourselves, much less to someone we love… Read more »
Hi, my boyfriend told me of his crossdressing early on in the relationship and assured me he was not gay, just liked the feeling of being the woman and being dominated. However, I had doubts so I went on a local site, and found personal ads saying he was looing for a man to split a hotel room with him and have sex, I also found pics of him in a hotel in full drag I confronted him and broke up with him imediately! He swears he never actually met a man, just got off having cybersex with men who… Read more »
my bf told me he was a crossdresser but before he told me this secret he was gonna dump me cause he was scared incase i didnt want after i knew about it but we are still together im scared that he likes guys though he keeps saying im beautiful and stuff but im not lol idk what to do
O wow, I don’t even know where to begin:( I’ve been reading through some of the posts, and I can honestly say just as the other women on here, I want to be as supportive as I possibly can, but yet I don’t know. I’m scared. The sad thing is, my BF, of almost 2 years doesn’t even know that I know right now. And I don’t know whether to approach him about it or not and just let it go. He’s not a very ‘open’ individual as far as his feelings and thoughts are. When he has something to… Read more »
SweetBeautiful. WOW! what a story!! First, a couple of things. I read your story and re-read it. What I didn’t quite grasp was whether or not you like or dislike the fact that he might be a CD’er. Does that bother you? Does it make you feel insecure? I can see that you’re going out of your way, above and beyond the call of duty to do your best to get all dolled up and dressed to the 9’s and want him to be proud much less just “notice" that you’re as beautiful as everyone else see you as. Gee?… Read more »
What I don’t understand, especially in today’s world and society, why woman just can’t accept a partner who is a CD. And while some of us are bi (and there are plenty of women who are bi but that seems ok for society), what does that have to do with the love and caring for the woman? Nothing. I can be either a man or a CD, be with a woman partner and still have urges and desires to be with a man on occasion, and STILL want to be with the woman partner (much more so than being in… Read more »
Well, ask some of them. This may come as a surprise but they have their own views on things in general. Is that not fair?
I too am a woman suffering with how to deal with the man I love being a cross dresser. We were high school sweethearts and fell madly in love 8 years ago. I thought I found my soul mate and had no idea he was hiding such a big secret from me. I’ve known he was doing this behind my back but even despite catching him in the act he would deny it and kept it from me up until recently when he admitted it was a part of his life he could and would not change. The issues I… Read more »
Hello Ashleigh, First, Kudos to you for speaking our and reaching out. This speaks to your concerns and that you want to learn more about what your BF is up to and how to deal with this. I did notice that you used the word “suffering" in the description. Is it really that traumatic for you? Well, I certainly hope not. I’m sure you are struggling with this to find answers and would like some sort of concise, quick solution but there is not one really. It’s not all that scary either, by the way. I will say this. Women… Read more »
I posted this on another post on this site but thought I’d put it here too. Looking for advice. Over the past 6 months I’ve noticed my boyfriend of almost 2 years wearing women’s panties and panty hose, thigh highs, etc. The first time I discovered it I had done laundry and was putting stuff away in his underwear drawer. My first inclination was not that he was wearing the thongs I saw, but rather that they belonged to another woman. Once I figured out they were in fact his, I was actually relieved but have since become confused. I… Read more »
I think Blake’s advise is good – approach him subtly, give him a chance to come out to you, but let him know that it’s okay through your body language and your approach.
Best of luck sweetie!
Hello Emily, You’ve said a lot here and that’s a good start!! In summary, you’re shocked, scared, you love him and afraid he’s going to leave you. Guess what? he’s scared to tell you about this himself and is afraid of rejection from you. He obviously likes you. I’m assuming that you two love each other being that you’re living together it sounds like. You’re doing the laundry and cleaning the house which is how you’re finding all these stashes of women’s clothing. Right? Let me ask you a question, if I may. How would you think he could approach… Read more »
i have a problem n dont know how to take it. i have known for a while my boyfriend likes crossdressing but just found out he has been going to meet a couple for 3somes as dresses as a crossdresser, he doent know i know and dont know whether to confront him about it or not, is he not happy with our sex lives he needs to go somewhere else.
its reallytough seeing a friendship dissolve just for that reason you are a real person and truly want to be honest but then they turn away and some wont even talk to you ….Is it because of their insecurities ??ya kno if the friend is a girl even tho your not intimate but the relationship fades or if its a guy .. Ithink guys feel threateaned to some extent altho they dont admit it Thing is you have been friends with them for a time sometimes for years ..THEN they find out a poof its gone Idont understand if you… Read more »
hi my boyfriend is a cross dresser and has been for years, but i just found out about a year ago and i was shocked, hurt and embarrased. he only does it when he gets hi off of meth and then when he sobers up he always say he’s fighting demons and thats not him, so we need answers
Bonnie,
and….cross dressing is the bigger problem here?? You’re ok with the meth but not ok with the crossdressing? hmmmm.