Although I have been dressing for some years, it is only been lately that I have gained courage to expand out from mere solo time locked in the house. My wardrobe has mostly been acquired through trips to obscure shops (often adult only) for lingerie. I could buy inexpensively, taking items to the counter to pay with cash while dropping seemingly innocent comments like “It’s for my wife.”
Along came Amazon—safe, secret, and anonymous. I could get breast forms and more without having to tell a fib to a disinterested clerk. It was only recently that I stumbled across CDH. Within hours, I’d made friends and received the encouragement needed to take “the next step.” I made it my goal to go to a mainline store and to start building a true wardrobe that was more than see-thru bras and super slutty panties.
There was a list of errands, which required at least a couple of hours driving here and there. It was the perfect opportunity to slip in a trip for clothing in between the bank, pharmacy, pet store and others. After carefully planning my route to create an opportunity, I walked into Dillard’s at a large mall and headed straight to the women’s clothing section.
My first reaction was of utter confusion. The departments were laid out as misses, petite, ladies, plus, none of which made any sense to me. I knew that shirts come in a 16-inch collar with 33-inch sleeves, pants are 36” waist 36” in length. What’s the difference between a size 12 versus 13? Can the same person wear a ladies in one measure and a petite in another? This is never going to happen without help. I just wandered in circles passing clerk after clerk, too afraid to seek assistance. Then – the moment of truth. A nice-looking young lady, perhaps 30ish, looks me straight in the eye and asks, “How can I help you sir?”
Before I could talk myself out of a response, I blurt out, “I need to find a nice skirt that comes up to about here,” cutting my hand across my thigh about 2-3 inches above the knee Without missing a beat she replies, “What size sir?” Pulse rate is probably running 130-140 but I take a quick breath and say, “It’s for me.” Shockingly, she doesn’t cringe and states, “Oh, then you need to be over in that section for ladies, this is petites. Someone there will be glad to help you.”
Unbelievable; no screaming, no call to security, no demands to get the h… l out of this store.
Same questions to the next clerk, a lady in her sixties. I received the same answers but this time with a little different inflection in her voice as she says, “You mean for you to wear?” “Yes,” I reply. She answers, “Oh well, then let’s look over here first.” The next 20 minutes with the clerk felt as if I was downstairs in men’s section looking at blazers.
When I asked if I could try an item on, she says, “Of course, but you need to do it out here; the fitting rooms are ladies only.” Yikes! right in the middle of the store??? There was no going back now so I took off my windbreaker and slipped a light dress over my head. I went to check myself in the mirror. Two other women shopping for something or other are trying to watch me without being too obvious. I cannot tell if they are confused, startled, curious or angry, but no matter, I keep at it and after three tries I end up with an above-the-knee dress instead of the skirt I had in mind.
Nerves under control, I check the time. Amazingly, only 20 minutes has elapsed. This is actually fun. I am going to press on, “Where can I find stockings?” “Just to the other side of the escalator,” she replies. This time, I march right up to the counter, “Can someone help me with stockings?” Came the answer, “Sure, right over here. What are you looking for?”
“I want black stockings, not pantyhose. They are for me.” She says, “Okay, let’s see, I think this is what you want. They are thigh-highs and I wear them myself.” I ask if they can they be worn with a garter belt and she tells my yes, if you want to spice things up, they certainly can. After paying and before I walk away, she leans in a bit and says very clearly and with intended emphasis “Now, if you ever need any other help you come see me directly.”
With a smile as I leave I note there is still time for lingerie shopping.
After a back and forth pleasant conversation with a college age salesperson, who treated me without judgement, she directed me down the mall to Victoria Secrets. I was quickly building up my courage despite all my initial fright. I might as well have been asking for a nice pen and pencil set.
At Victoria’s Secret the salesclerk was a young lady, maybe 25. “Where are the garter belts?” “Oh, I’m sorry we don’t carry those. Is there something else I can help you with?” I boldly asked, “How about some nice black panties for me to wear?” “Sure, they are all on display on top of the cases here, here, and here. You’ll probably need a large or XL so look in the bottom two drawers and let me know if I can help you.” This part of the story ended as “pending.” I never did find panties and it was time to get to the pharmacy.
Epilogue
My new friends at CDH made it possible for me to remember that the real demons in our life are often those we create for ourselves, and that we shouldn’t live our lives in fear. This might only be a small step for many and a minor accomplishment to those further along in their self-realization. If there are readers who, like me, need the encouragement then perhaps this will provide some. I would appreciate any feedback from all of you, my newest and dear friends.
Victoria Jones
More Articles by Victoria Jones
Victoria Jones
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- My First Shopping Trip - November 30, 2020
Great job getting out shopping! I have shopped for myself a number if times in drab. The saleslady at Dillards did not treat you right though… Many Dillards have one-room dressing rooms available, often one specified for handicapped. On a recent trip to two different Dillards in Kansas City, one put me in a normal one-room dressing room right behind a register. At the other one, the mid-60’s sales associate actually took some items off my hands and set up a dressing room for me, right in the ladies section. Seriously, gendered dressing rooms is SOOO 20th century (I’ve said… Read more »
Thanksgiving morning I went to the grocery store dressed. First time out, no one noticed or starred it is a BIG STEP. I have been buying more (passable clothes) lately instead of 6inch heels etc.
I so totally don’t have the nerve to admit it’s for me. I have openly bought all sorts of girly/women’s clothes. In utter shame and embarrassment. No eye contact or stories about it’s for someone else. I admire you for sharing about it. I’m still learning how to be open about my feminine side. Thank you for sharing your story. I have so much to learn.
Troubles my Dear – believe me when I tell you that making that first “It’s for me” statement to the clerk was absolutely terrifying. But the really amazing part was that once the first 30 second conversation was done (when she said I was in the wrong department and needed to look over there for my size) the next ones were just no big deal. Four more times that day I spoke with salesladies and in all four cases we might as well have been discussing pots and pans. Once you get started it is easy to continue. Good luck… Read more »
I would love to chat sometime. And thanks again for your share.
Good morning Dear.
I am (like almost everyone!) pretty much stuck in the house to avoid the virus so lots of time to chat whenever you would like.
H&K
V
I’m glad it worked out so well for you! You are so right that almost always the biggest issue is our own fear and anxieties. At local women’s store where I’ve bought things at for a while now, then one day I finally told her the clothes were for me! She was so cool about it, and told me the best times to shop, ie., when they are the least busy, and that they had a change room separate from the rest to try things on if I wanted. One day I was shopping for camisoles, and I’ll swear she… Read more »
Hi Amy my dear!
Yes, it was truly surprising to me that the ladies (girls – 1 at least could not have been more than 21-22) took no more interest than with any other customer. I guess the one who told me to see her personally in th efuture if needed was different.
Ooooh – camisoles: I may need to try that!?!?!
I would love to chat more if you wish. I just thank all my friends at CDH for helping me move on to more challenges!
H&K
V
Omg girl what a great outing! I slowly started shopping with my wife at Target and now I do it sometimes on my own but haven’t had the courage to go up to saleslady for help like you did! I’ve wanted to grab some women’s clothes and cover it with men’s clothes and go into the men’s dressing rooms but dressing rooms are closed down here in Florida due to Covid. Reading your story and many similar ones here on CDH is also, slowly, giving me the courage to go shopping for women’s clothes. I totally agree, this website and… Read more »
Isn’t it just the greatest feeling being able to look and touch clothes and try them on. And hon it only gets better as you get further in to the experience shopping while dressed en femme is without a doubt the most fun you can have. Good luck with it and enjoy yourself
Thank you for sharing your experience. I have shopped at a local thrift store and only guessed at sizes, only to get home to find they don’t fit. I would love to go to a real store and ask for help. I just don’t have the nerve today. Maybe some day. Thank you for the inspiration.