I hope you had a chance to read Part I of my adventure. It was a scary, but an exhilarating experience for me. As I wrote in Part I, I was on a huge high from having success beyond my expectations, and I didn’t want my day to end.
I’m an older crossdresser- 6’3″ in bare feet. Unlike so many of the lovely ladies I see here on CDH, I’m not one who expects to pass when out and about. In that regard, I’ve challenged myself by going out driving, getting gas, or going through a drive-thru. Many of you share those same experiences. I’ve also been out at night, where a few have seen me from a distance, but I’ve never had a face-to-face interaction beyond handing someone my money and getting my order. I’m not really out to my wife, and if you read Part I you know that this day was on a whole other level for me!
What happened next? Well… I was so encouraged that I decided to throw caution to the wind and continue being a woman for the day. I hadn’t made time to do my nails previously, so I put on one layer of polish. A nice off-red shade to go with the coral top I was wearing. I brushed my wig, grabbed my purse, and checked that I had everything I needed. I touched up my lipstick and out the door I went. This was one of the few times I’d been out in the daytime, but I had much bigger plans than just being out during the day.
My first stop was at the post office to drop off a return. It was a pre-paid return package, but not one that would fit into a mailbox. I needed to walk into the post office, full of people waiting in line, and walk past them to the drop-off area and then walk back by them again. I didn’t make eye contact, but I did have a Mona Lisa smile on my face as my low heels clacked on the terrazzo floor. I noticed in my peripheral vision a few heads turning my way as I walked by. Nothing bad, but I did get a sense from one man that he was trying to figure out if that was a very tall woman or “something else.”
On my exit out, a woman in front of me didn’t realize how close I was following. As I caught the closing door, she looked back and said, “I’m sorry, ma’am, I didn’t see you.” Those of you who have had that kind of validation will know how heartwarming it can make you feel. For her, it was a quick aside to someone she only saw out of the corner of her eye. To me, it was more fuel on the fire that had been built earlier that day. I was presenting as and being treated as just another woman living her life.
With my confidence high, I decided to go for broke and shop at the mall. On the drive there it started raining really hard. I figured it wouldn’t last. Once I arrived in the parking lot, I looked for a place close to a door and sat in the car waiting for it to let up. It didn’t, and I didn’t have an umbrella or a rain coat with me. Wearing white skinny jean, I finally decided that the mall would have to wait for another day. So with great disappointment, I turned around and headed home.
“What else could I do while out today?” I asked myself. The gas gauge was near a quarter, so why not fill it up? This time, instead of looking for the most unobtrusive place to get gas, I decided to go the station where I normally go, which also has a big grocery store and lots of gas pumps in the same parking area.
The place is busy as usual, but there was an open pump. I pulled up, got out with my wallet (a pretty cute one with pink flowers on it,) and withdrew my credit card. Cars are coming and going, people are pushing their grocery carts to their cars, and everyone is going about their business. As I’m pumping gas, a youngish man walks within two feet of me to pre-pay his purchase with cash. He didn’t glance my way; there wasn’t any hesitation on his part as he paid no attention to me. I was just a lady getting gas. Again, it was what I’d always dreamed about, but never thought I could achieve. It was just an average day out as a woman to go along with my “First Time…In.”
For those of us who haven’t felt brave or foolish enough to venture out, or lack the confidence to step out their door, I offer my two-part story as an inspiration. It can be done. The world won’t end. Small successes will lead to more successes. Fake confidence will lead to real confidence. You can be the woman your imagination says you are and most of the world will take you at your word. After all, a gentleman never contradicts a lady!