I’m sitting here in a pair of yoga pants and a pink tank.  I’m wearing them because the person that I know I am on the inside, holds very little resemblance to the body I wear on the outside so I do my best to change what I can and accept what I can’t, without sounding like my own personal 12 step program.

As I sit here trying to think what I should write about for this site.   I realize I am saying ‘I’ way too much, when I really should be talking about we.

My friends, thank you for taking this journey.  We are all on it for different reasons, and have different needs and expectations, but the fact remains we are here together, and this site is honestly one of the few safe “havens” we have right now.  Politics are difficult waters to swim and lately hard to steer clear of as well.

It doesn’t take much to see the challenges and great divides our status inspires.  Crossdresser, or transgender, we are sort of the last frontier of tolerance in our country right now (Though thinking about it, if they stop hating us, people will probably find something else to hate quickly).   Most of my friends here try to just do the best they can to blend in, and are very gracious to offer tips to us newcomers on how to do the same.  We don’t seem to be clamoring for the spotlight, or wanting to be a political movement, and yet here we are inspiring bizarre laws and unfounded fears all over the place.

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Strangely my mother who fought valiantly for equal rights for women, seems to be far on the opposite end of the spectrum, fighting against our rights to live as them.   And that is our dilemma, how do we blend and yet effect the social changes required to protect who we are, or how we dress, or what we are allowed to become in this life.  Now please don’t think I’m asking you to grab your picket signs and lipstick and wear out your heals marching for a cause.   But we must stop and ask ourselves what we will do if and when the fight for our freedom comes to us, hopefully not in huge dangerous confrontations, but even in the smaller hate that we have seen hurled outside of Target store bathrooms.

Some of us may have been lucky enough to have a strong woman raise us, and teach us how to stand with dignity for what we believe in.  As the events unfold around us, my hope is that we all find not only the strength to do the same, but are blessed with some safety through the storm.

For myself, I know that just as I walk a journey towards my outside matching as closely as possible to my inside.  I have to be ready to face the challenges that come with the changes.  I wish they were physical and mental alone, but you have my commitment to do the best I can to be an instrument of change for the better as I transform myself… with liberty and high heels for all.

EnFemme Style

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Vicki T.

46 year old "new born" to transitioning. I'm finally coming out of the box I kept my true-self in for so long, and though it's not always easy, its definitely more the real me every day. I'm looking to make new close friends. I have so much to learn and I can use all the help and support I can get.

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Tiffany Anne
Tiffany Anne
7 years ago

Fantastic Article Vicky!

For you, I wish you the best as you continue on your own journey. That you may find peace and happiness as you work to match your outside as much as possible with your inside.

For “we", I too wish that we will find understanding and at least “tolerance" in the world and the freedom to be our complete, whole selves in our collective journey as well as our own personal journeys.

7 years ago
Reply to  Tiffany Anne

Just read this article and is so true. Good luck Vickie,you have my support and friendship if youd like.

skippy1965 Cynthia
Trusted Member
7 years ago

Well written Vicki! I too am on that journey -not sure of my final destination but I DO know Cyn can no longer be locked away in her home behind darkening curtains! She is emerging into the light and while it is possible that getting out more may be enough for her-It is also just as possible that this is but the first step toward full transitioning! I am sill trying to determine what the correct path is for me but am enjoying the journey of exploration along the way!


Claire Renee Howard
Claire Renee Howard
7 years ago

This is a wonderful statement. When I was young we were thought of as mentally ill. Only recently has that started to change. Tolerance is still difficult but what we really need is respect. I have grown to dislike the word, tolerrate, because it allows people to keep their negative attitudes and feel good about letting us exist. Letting us exist.

Dianne Baldwin
Dianne Baldwin
7 years ago

Very good article Vicki it has given me a lot to think about. I was brought up in a household where male figure was dominate and I’m more like my mother which is not bad but has caused me to be on my house hold to be far from dominate.
Hopefully I’ve become stronger and now able to stand up for my inner desires as a woman

Jessica Hiver
Jessica Hiver
7 years ago

Well said, Vicki. If we swapped high heels for assault weapons just think how much safer our world would be! Seriously, your words express important ideas. Jessica

Frances walker
5 years ago

i think understanding and acceptance of ones self is the key my self i know i’am a man and i want to transition but that takes time so i improvise and pretend that makes me happy

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