So I’m a long time crossdresser who has decided to come out to his wife after 23 years of marriage.   So why now you might ask.  There are two reasons, the first being me going through a health scare which caused me to accept my mortality and the second being that I retired early and now have the time I never had to explore being Carole.  Prior to that Carole was only able to come out on a very sporadic basis.

As a result of my renewed desire to be Carole I have gotten a therapist and also have explored CDH to a much greater degree than when I joined a while back.  I have made some great friends for which one has become a closer friend than most of my male persona friends I have known in person for decades.  I am able to share who I am with her and she has been so great with her friendship, her ear to listen to me and her advice and counsel.  Other friends on CDH have been so kind and caring, the network is unbelievable! Then add the Chat feature where you can talk to so many girls that share their experiences, dreams and advice.  We even had an online bachelorette party for one of the girls one time! To all of my friends, whether I talk to you everyday or once in a while, thank you from the bottom of my heart.  Lastly the articles and forums provide an unfathomable amount of information.  I never realized what was at my fingertips until I needed it   Thank you to all of those that make CDH what it is!

My fourth visit to my therapist is in a few days.  I had gone to her for one visit a few years ago and told her it was all about work stress and that I needed her help but bailed on going to see her after my wife saw the remaining bill from our insurance company.  So going back to her, she was ready to follow up on the stress conversation until a few minutes in I blurted out that I was a crossdresser.  I remember thinking as she was talking to me, should I tell her or not tell her but I am so glad that I did. Through our conversations I have discovered a few things.

The first being that I have had deep feelings of being ashamed and embarrassed of my other which resulted in me being aggressive in other behaviors such as being more masculine, not showing my feelings, and being right in everything.  Being right meant that I would debate with my wife as I had to be right on any issue small or large. I now realize that it was my insecurities about who I was that caused me to over compensate.  This led to me writing an apology letter to her and to also do it in person.  I cried writing the note as I felt so bad but also because it was such a release of my feelings.  The second revelation is that I realized that I have been alone my whole life with regards to being Carole but that meant I could never share my whole self  with anyone  I had to hide and not let people know that feminine side of me.  The realization of the weight of carrying that secret of mine finally came to light.  It was immense once I reflected on its toll it had taken on me.

Crossdresser Superstore

So that brings me to today. My plan is to tell my wife about me and about that other side of me in the next 45 or so days.  My therapist has been very helpful with helping me plan it out. Maybe not plan but more so to put some structure around it.  Everyone’s situation is different so you don’t know what the reaction will be. My normal type of person wants to follow a playbook that will lead to success.  That’s not me anymore though. Everything can’t be planned out.  I’m going to tell her, I owe her that much and then she can make the decision. The advice from those that have done it is the same…go slow, communicate and give her time. All of which is great advice!

I’m more scared than anytime in my whole life.  My life will change for sure and it could be changed quite dramatically. However, in the end, my hope is the value of the weight being off my back will offset the pain I will cause. When we’ve had “The Talk” and when that conversation is over, my hope is my wife and I will be in better places … hopefully together!

Wish me luck ☘️ Sincerely, Carole

  • Have you had “The Talk” with your wife and how did it go?
  • Did your wife have a pile of questions after you detailed your thrill of cross dressing dating back to when you were a young boy?
  • When you had “The Talk” with your wife, did you tell her everything or hold back some information and if so, what didn’t you tell her?

Thank you girls so very much for taking the time to read my article and please take a moment to leave a response to my article or to one or more of the questions I’ve posed to you above.

 

 

 

More Articles by Carole Corbett

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    JillianW
    JillianW
    1 year ago

    Hi Carole,
    Good Luck to you and I hope that “The Talk” goes well for you.
    I appreciate your sharing your story with us as we have all been in your heels at one time or another. I wish you all the best in the future.
    Keep us posted.

    Hugs, Jillian

    Natalie Elizabeth
    Duchess
    Active Member
    1 year ago

    Carole,

    I wish the best for you and your wife as you share Carole with her. My wife has known throughout our marriage, but it is had it’s ebbs and flows. We’re at a point now where it’s just the two of us and we’re in a good place with Natalie. Fortunately my wife has grown to appreciate what Natalie brings out in me and into our relationship. Lots of hugs and I hope all goes well!!

    Natalie

    Natalie Elizabeth
    Duchess
    Active Member
    1 year ago
    Reply to  Carole Corbett

    Carole – it has been an evolving process. I told her about wanting to cross dress before we got married. She actually was curious and we talked about it on and off. My “collection” was only a few pieces and no wig or makeup. When kids came all bets were off, at least for a few years. I would bring it up, but it was never the right time to start again. So it wasn’t until we had problems that she was willing to talk about it again. She realized that it was an integral part of me and actually… Read more »

    Dawn Judson
    Ambassador
    Active Member
    1 year ago

    Like you, Natalie, I made my wife aware of Dawn shortly after we got married. Unfortunately, my wife resents me. She feels like I’m stealing her husband & refers to me as a “bitch”. Best of luck, Carole.

    Dawn Judson
    Ambassador
    Active Member
    1 year ago
    Reply to  Carole Corbett

    I feel ya!

    Stephanie Kennedy
    Active Member
    1 year ago

    Hi Carole Thank you for sharing your story You are right, being connected to people in our community is so special. We all have so much in common. Being able to share your feelings without any concerns of safety. So many of us have a therapist that help us navigate something we did not ask for but have to learn this is just apart of us that needs attention also. I truly hope al goes well with your wife. I guess it is up to her how she handles it.That can be a little scary when you are accustomed to… Read more »

    Marie Law
    Member
    1 year ago

    After hiding away for so many years Carole, I congratulate you on your decision to tell your wife. It is a very brave step and I am sure everyone here will give you all the support you need. I truly hope that she accepts your choices as my wife has, as you will be a better person without the guilt that you can feel.

    Marie x

    Rikki Edwards
    Active Member
    1 year ago

    Hi Carole, Very thought provoking article. I will be waiting to find out how things go with your wife, and wish you all the luck in the world. I felt very much alone in my first marriage, which eventually ended primarily as a result of my wife not being able to deal with my crossdressing at all. After we split I vowed I would not make the same mistake of hiding my crossdressing, so on our second data I told my now current wife (we have been together for almost 20 years now) about Rikki. She has been much more… Read more »

    Michelle Jamison
    Ambassador
    Active Member
    1 year ago

    I think it takes real courage to confront the situation and deal with it. I wish I had your bravery. Will be hoping for the best outcome for you. And I will be with you at every step.

    Lucinda Hawkns
    Active Member
    1 year ago

    Hi and wow now that you can dress up in front of wife and be excepted as Carole. you are so lucky to have a wife to except your CDing and let you be your self and free. you look great. wish you all the happiness. Lucinda

    Terri
    Duchess
    Active Member
    1 year ago

    Good luck with telling your wife. I told my wife 40 years ago. We will be married 50 years next month. Needless to say my wife was shocked when I told her. Every marriage is different. Balance is the keyword in my life.

    Terri
    Duchess
    Active Member
    1 year ago
    Reply to  Carole Corbett

    Every marriage is different. Some wives are happy their husbands told them. Some feel betrayed. Some are so shocked that they end the marriage. For me its all about Balance. My family always comes first. I love being a grandfather, but I also love getting my hair done and go shopping in the mall. I know that Terri will always be part of me. If I had known that I would have told my wife before we married. But I think if I had she wouldn’t have married me.

    Terri
    Duchess
    Active Member
    1 year ago
    Reply to  Carole Corbett

    I agree. I am not one for surgery or hormones. I sometimes dream that if my family situation was different, I would get implants and live as a woman. But I love my family. Holding my grandchildren in my arms is wonderful. But also is getting my hair done and going out is too. Good luck.
    Yours Terri

    Sarah Lane
    Active Member
    1 year ago

    Hey Carole.

    Not easy laying it all out but I hope that your writing this article has added a bit more confidence to what you are planning to do. As many have already said, we are all here for you. Good Luck to you.

    Sarah

    Leonara
    Ambassador
    Trusted Member
    1 year ago

    Carole, thank you for writing a thought provoking article that many of us ladies can relate… about five years ago my “talk” with my wife was precipitated due to her coming home early and met Leonara for the first time… I was a deer in lights..many questions: gay no… seek therapy; little did I know when I was careless, she was relieved that she saw lipstick on a coffee cup was another woman! Kathy continues to process her husband’s revelation…and requests if and when I express my feminine side, she is not home… “don’t ask don’t tell” is our compromise…… Read more »

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