My Second Me

How do you explain this thing that compels us to dress in female clothes? How do you explain how relaxed you are when you dress? Don’t worry I’m not going to try to explain it because I don’t know either. What I do know is I have thrown away so many clothes thinking that I can cure this urge and that a new partner or just plain positive thinking will get rid of this persona. We all know it won’t go away.

There are too many variations of crossdressing to discuss in a simple article. And I’m not looking for the Noble Peace Prize for solving it either. I love to wear women’s clothes. I’m a tranny, crossdresser, transvestite, or maybe I’m just ‘My Second Me.’ What upsets me now is I have done this on my own for so long. Thankfully, things do move on. Thank God for the internet, now I don’t have to pay a fortune for crossdressing magazines. When I was younger, I spent a small fortune buying fetish magazines dedicated to crossdressing.

My first marriage did not break up because of my dressing. It was not hidden, but it was not shared. ‘My Second Me’ or, rather my dresses, lived in a suitcase in the loft and we didn’t discuss it. When the marriage hit the rocks, it did come up in conversation at marriage counselling. I explained that when I dressed, I was able to solve problems and completely relax. The counsellor said to my wife that she should perhaps try sharing it. She suggested we buy satin pyjamas for me to wear, but she refused. It certainly was not helpful when the female counsellor said “Well, to be honest, I’m actually jealous of you having that comfort. I wish I had something like that to help me relax.’’

My second wife liked my dressing in the beginning: it was kinky, it added spice and she liked to be in control. She admitted that she was bisexual when she was younger. This seemed to help in a strange way. Then we had kids and guess what? ‘My Second Me’ went back in the suitcase and up to the loft. Everything changed. She announced that the kids needed a real father, not someone who wore women’s clothes. This was ironic because she really loved me when I was dressed and we shared those kinky evenings together.

I had a female friend that I met at work 9 years ago. I have no idea why, but one day I decided to tell her about my dressing over a coffee. She is American and highly intelligent. Her reaction blew me away. She said, ‘Ok, so you like to dress in women’s clothes?’ I was lost for words for the first time ever. I found that I didn’t have to explain myself to her. I don’t know why, but she understood.

Two years ago, I was talking to a friend. He said he had been writing adult stories and publishing them on the internet. He said he did it for relaxation when his marriage broke up. We discussed it at great length, and he told me he was now earning good money by publishing his stories. It was ironic because my second marriage had just failed. I told my American friend about the stories he was writing and she said I would be good at it and should try doing one. So I did and sent it to my friend and he loved it. As a result, I am now writing crossdressing stories on the internet and have a small fan base. How funny is that?

So maybe things really do happen for a reason. My American friend is now my partner. She loves when I dress and it all feels like it’s just normal. It’s sad that it’s taken so long to finally be free.

Ladies, accept your other self. The thing is you’re dead for a very long time. Don’t get to 65 and have regrets. As soon as you accept your other self, you will be so much happier.

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Fiona Manndee

Probably like most of us, it all started when I was around 7 or 8. The comfort and smell of female clothes just seemed to calm me down. By the age of 10, puberty and sheer excitement took over. My secret that I couldn't share had become addictive. 35 years ago, you could not talk to anybody like you can today. Thinking back, they were sad and miserable times when you compare some of the most dreadful things that we hear about in society today. The journey has been so hard, and only now do I feel that I can finally share it and be myself. I have tried to share it over the years with different partners that I felt I could trust-then suddenly have it thrown back in my face. But now, I have met the most amazing girl who simply has no malicious or demeaning opinions of me. We met at work 9 years ago when I was married and remained friends for years. Two years ago, I announced to her that my marriage was over. She immediately offered her support. Now, we are in a loving, committed relationship. As a result of this relationship, I have now started to write stories about crossdressers and would love to hear from anyone who is interested in sharing my stories.

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  1. *skippy1965(Cynthia) 9 months ago

    Thank you for writing what so many of us feel. Like you I thought my needs would go away after I got married but they only intensified as I got older. Congratulations on finding your place-I hope one day ll be able to do the same!

  2. Anastasia Irish 9 months ago

    Thank you so much for the great read. This article touched me deep inside. I know a lot of us have similar stories but to hear that there are successful ones really makes me hopeful. Thank you and I look forward to more.

  3. Sandi 9 months ago

    All of us are on different journeys, separate, and also a part of one another’s. I have never felt The inner joy and peace as a man, that I feel when I am in “en femme”. Mmmmm!

  4. Yvonne 9 months ago

    I want to briefly commit on this wonderful website and I will be posting much more after this, thank you for your attention.

  5. Olivia 9 months ago

    Fiona, you have made me curious. where do you publish these stories?

  6. Janet 9 months ago

    Ty sooo much for sharing. I absolutely love the time I get to spend as a woman. So relaxing and rewarding. I enjoy every aspect of transforming myself into Janet. I’ve become such a nail polish girl.


  7. Rozalyne Richards 9 months ago

    Hi fiona guess what I’m 65 on the 25th of may and I’ve been cross dressing most off my life all in secret, I’m like most of the people on here i started when i was about 8 or 9 years old i thought that i was some sort of freak too, i got married to see if it would ” cure me” as if i had some sort of illness but it’s not an illness it’s just me being me, I do have regret’s that I’ve not come out of the closet to my family maybe I’m scared of rejection and of losing my family and ending up on my own, the summer is the worst because you see all the girls in their skimpy dresses and wish if only that could be me, anyway i think everything you have written is correct hun x hugs Rozalyne x

    • Yvonne 9 months ago

      A lot of this text, I can relate to. And I’m also 66 years old and I have been wearing women’s clothes since I was in Jr. high school, after High school I enlisted in the United states Navy, during the Vietnam era, during the “don’t ask don’t tell ” and I had two friends that lived just as I was, but one of them decided to go into town fully En femmen and got beat up very badly and had to be discharged, I returned to civilian life and have been living as Yvonne to this very day.

  8. Fiona…..thank you for sharing your thoughts with us. It seems that society has a plan all mapped out as to how we should live our lives. We are taught from infancy how we should be and behave. It takes years for us to realize that there are alternatives out there. I was trained to be a man and act accordingly to that script. Years later I discovered that I do not have to be that way. So, I explored a few options and found that I like being a girl….being a man was hard and very painful at times: and what was it for….nothing. I wore pants, dated females, married one and had a family. We or I rarely had sex. My head was in an entirely different plain. Divorced now and estranged and quite distanced from an interfering family, I am free to do what I want, when I want, and how I want. What a release….I am content to free to persue my own venue. Is that not what life is all about? I enjoy CDH and conversing and assisting a lot of the girls along their own pathway to enlightenment, in anyway I can. I have found a purpose to live for, something I feel that matters. The rest….well…as they said in Nam…”it don’t mean nothin”.

    Lady Veronica

  9. Wanda Silver 9 months ago

    I just joined a couple of groups and find it soooo relaxing to dress and go about my daily chores.
    Just the freedom of wearing women’s clothes makes me want to get up each morning and look forward to being a girl. I also have become a mani/pedi freak.
    I love how it feels to have colorful toenails and fingernails that I constantly get great comments.
    Shopping for cute sandals, skirts, and camis is so much fun. Hope everyone is enjoying their day.

  10. Terri 9 months ago

    Thank you Fiona for a great article. I will be 70 soon and my need to be my femme self is stronger than ever.

  11. tonya williams 9 months ago

    I love these Hi good morning yes iu6

  12. Heather Stevens 9 months ago

    I loved your story. Would love to know where you are posting continued stories as well. I am certain you must have a big following of supportive sisters.

  13. Genivieve Bujold 9 months ago

    Fiona, Lovely story and so true! thank you sharing it hun!!

  14. Yasmen Drew 9 months ago

    I had sisters they put bras on they painted there nails had nice under ware. Now I paint my nails have nice under ware put stockings on and ware a bra it’s just nice

  15. Marie Sweets 9 months ago

    Hi Fiona, thanks for sharing.

  16. Sarah Mack 9 months ago

    Thank you for sharing your lovely story I’m glad that you are happy in your relationship now

  17. Susan Fox 9 months ago

    All of these stories has part of Susan in them. I will be 68 soon and have dressing secretly since I was about 14. I have been married since I was 21. My wife does not know ( to my knowledge). I had many, many years that I never dressed. It has only been the past several months that this addiction (?) has overwhelmed me. In the past I never had my own clothes. I started by wearing my moms then would accumulate a few other things one way or another. Now I have bought complete outfits, usually on the Internet, and had them shipped to a P.O. box. The first time I put a new dress on, new high heels, pantyhose, and a new wig made me feel so wonderful and pretty. I put an advertisement on the Internet for a makeup artist to do my makeup. She is wonderful. I am taking a day off Thursday and doing it again (Susan’s Day). This time I’m going to have a photo shoot and have lunch somewhere. I have tried a few Internet chat groups but to no avail. I have a very bad habit of talking in the 3rd person. Susan is going to do this or Susan bought a new dress today. I received a lot of remarks where people were confused. I tried to tell them that I have 2 people living inside of me. I have a lot to say but I don’t want to bore everyone with too much. Thank you for reading this. Susan.

    • Kate Phillips 9 months ago

      Hi Susan I’m a lot like you it took me 69 years to realise that I am trans what a waste of time when I çould have enjoyed who I really am love from kate

  18. Andi McDowell 9 months ago

    Lovely story. Frustrates me how society is indifferent to women wearing businesses suits and clothing that is very masculine but we are not able to wear a skirt without ridicule. I am certain that one day our dress choices will not matter but that’s not now. We as a group are paving the way for acceptance, pioneers if you will. Be who you are and happiness will find you.

    • Lara Cross 8 months ago

      Andi– You are spot on! We have such a duplicitous acceptance level for men and women (not even going to consider age or race as well). I am not envious of women for their liberated nature, I want to be one of them as well. I love the feminine perspective… and I also am encoded with the male perspective. My answer is to enjoy both as far as society and my life will allow me. I think many people are “midlings” when it comes to their sexuality. I know those who are alpha-male and I certainly know those who are alpha-female. I can manage with both, but I see myself in the middle enjoying the scent of my Coty Musk perfume as well as the aroma of my after shave. –Lara

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