First I will preface this little story by saying that I am a Certified Life Coach. The importance of saying that is that this story is centered around a session I was doing with a client where I learned something that is huge for me. My hope is that it helps you as well.
I woke early that morning feeling the desire to put on my beautiful long dangling Montana silver feather earrings. At this stage of my journey I still had the curtains closed, door locked and was gripped with fear at the thought of being caught. I was still closeted and this day I had a few hours of “Me time” before the client arrived.
As my day began I put on my earrings to help myself become comfortable in wearing them without the usual self criticizing inner voice. I had been wearing them since 7 am and actually met with great success at silencing the inner critic. So much so that I had forgotten I was wearing them altogether when the door bell rang. I opened the door with smiles and invited my client in. I offered refreshments and we made our way to the comfy sofas in the great room to begin the session.
Everything was perfect. We chatted, laughed, shared and the session moved forward perfectly.
It was as we were chatting that my own lesson showed up. We were seated on one sofa kind of side ways facing one another; I was conscious of trying not to appear too girly. I leaned back with one arm over the back of the couch and felt a tickle on my neck. I reached up to brush the hair away and realized it was not hair that tickled my neck but a dangling silver earring. My heart slammed up into my throat, my pulse raced; the voice in my head screamed, “OMG you still have your earrings on!!” Fear gripped me and I felt my body stiffen as if any slight movement might somehow give me away. I froze!
I quickly scanned my client only to see her eyes jetting from left to right like a puppy at a tennis match! She was looking at my left earring, then the right and back! I was terrified! After all, I was the calm, centered “Life Coach” guiding her to deeper self-awareness remember! To be outed would surely end my career. I felt like an imposter!
I took several deep breaths to re-ground myself. Once I had regained inner composure I quietly asked my client, “when did you notice these earrings?”she replied. “As soon as I walked in, I can’t keep my eyes off of them they are so beautiful!”
In this brief exchange I discovered something I have been practicing awareness of ever since and that’s what I wish to share with you here.
When I had forgotten I was wearing those pretty earrings, the critical voice of self-judgement was silent and I saw no judgement in the eyes of the other person. I simply “was” in that moment with no excuses or fear. My inner critic was silent. The moment I “remembered” I was wearing them (when the earring tickled my neck) that critical inner voice came out screaming!
I realized that when I think and feel confident, secure and at peace “inside” my skin, so did my client appear to be at peace. The moment my inner critic screamed, I saw what “appeared” to me to be judgement in the eyes of my client. I realized that the judgment I thought I saw in her eyes was in reality a reflection of the “internal” judgment I held against myself! As soon as I let go of the self-attack thoughts I literally watched the perceived judgment vanish from the other persons face.
I do not profess to say that this is always going to be the case in every situation, but what I have now come to believe and live, is that the majority of the time, what “appears” to me to be judgment in the eyes of another is in reality a reflection of my own critical inner thoughts. When I “choose” to feel “okay” in my skin, the perceived criticism vanishes from the eyes of the other.
I now believe that the greatest challenge each of us has in life, is to, retrain our brain to think self-love and acceptance. By erasing the critic on the inner world, we automatically erase that critic from the outer world as well, one heart at a time.
As we learn to love and accept our “Self” we allow others to do the same. I choose to love me just as I am. I am beautiful inside and out!
What will you choose to believe about you today?
Namaste’
Charee’
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Quote: “I now believe that the greatest challenge each of us has in life, is to, retrain our brain to think self-love and acceptance. By erasing the critic on the inner world, we automatically erase that critic from the outer world as well, one heart at a time.
As we learn to love and accept our “Self” we allow others to do the same. I choose to love me just as I am. I am beautiful inside and out!"
I love those 2 paragraphs your wrote. Fantastic article!
Charee’,
A wonderful story about an potentially anxiety ridden situation but instead proved to be a wonderful self revelation!
Hugs,
Codille
Thank you Charee, so uplifting, and so very true
Hugs
Sally xxx
Thank you for a wonderful story. I have found the same thing to be true. I am wearing nail polish, fingers and toes, pretty much all the time now, as well as a toe ring and ankle bracelet. I am also clean shaven from the face down. Even when wearing shorts I have noticed that I am basically the only one aware of any of this. It makes it so much more enjoyable, whatever I am doing, if I don’t try to spot someone spotting me. It also helps being at an age where I don’t care what anyone else… Read more »
Maggie,
So glad you are wearing fingers and toes pretty much all the time now! LOL 🙂 Sorry I could NOT resist that opening! (though of course I KNEW what you meant! 🙂 )
Cyn
What a delightful story! I love when things turn out well for someone, and they more fully realize their own self-worth and acceptance. It’s also a lesson for me. Thank you.
Charee, Thanks for a beautiful article!. Though I have not yet gathered the courage to get Cyn out of my car and inside a store or restaurant yet-(Crossing fingers that WILL happen sometime soon in the next month or so!), I HAVE had my sister and niece over to my house and I felt totally natural and comfortable and at ease being fully dressed in front of them! WE had a fabtastic girls night in! IT was SO comfortable that while trying on one of the dresses and my breastforms were not sitting quite right, my niece said “come here"… Read more »
I love your stories very much and also true. I am a 60 year old crossdresser and only been out a couple times completely dressed but almost 100% at home. One morning I was up doing work around the house and needed something at the store. Who’s in the store for about 5 or 10 minutes and I picked up what I needed I was standing in line just had a t-shirt and shorts on t-shirt and some writing on the back. The gentleman behind me was reading what was on the back. He asked if he could read the… Read more »
Charee’ I can relate, both to the joy of a favorite pair of earrings, and to confidence and other’s reactions. I power walk in the mornings with my dog (it’s a power walk because I literally need to jog to keep up with her) and work on my feminine walk as I do–the hip swing, the arms, posture, all of it. Anyone in my country housing addition can watch me out the window–I no longer worry. There are a few other walkers that I pass by, I don’t alter my walk and they never blink an eye. One time, I… Read more »
Great story Charee’ – and yes – being comfortable with oneself makes it easier for others to be comfortable with you. It is surprisingly easy to silence that inner voice of criticism and doubt.
Charge,
Great story and a wonderful life lesson. Thanks for the nice article.
Donna