I wanted share my storyn  Some of what is to follow might be upsetting but there is a happy ending …

I was born August, 1970 in Manchester, England to older parents. I was an only child, had half-brothers and sisters from my parent’s previous marriages, but they didn’t live with us as they were much older. My father ran his own business. I was brought up in an affluent part of Cheshire called Hale. The area was nice, but it was a lonely as I had no siblings around and only a few friends.

My mother had a violent temper, brought on because my father was a womanizer who stayed out until the early hours of the morning. I was subjected to their reoccurring arguments. I went to school with bags under my eyes over the lack of sleep and the worry it caused me. My mother was not maternal by any means.  I had to make my own breakfast and cross three busy main roads at the age of six. It was a tough life, even though I lived in a nice area. At times, my mother would totally lose it and beat me with a high heel shoe or anything else she could get her hands on. I continued to show her love and affection in return.  I didn’t know any better.

Unleash Your Inner Woman

My parents split up in the early 1980’s after he told her that he didn’t love her any more (I don’t think he ever did.) The feelings of emptiness and rejection grew stronger inside me. I couldn’t escape the thoughts of why this was happening.

My mother and I lived in Altrincham, Cheshire for a few years, where things calmed down. She met a man who lived some distance away in Bolton, Lancashire. Eventually, we moved there and I had to start at another school. I found it hard to mix with the others because of joining half-way through the third year and because I spoke differently as I didn’t have a Lancashire accent.

It was during this time I began to wear women’s clothing. I tried on a pair of my mother’s panties, but I didn’t fully understand what I was doing and why it felt good. With the supply of available clothes very limited, I didn’t often get the opportunity wear girls clothes. After my mother broke up with the man from Bolton, I once more found myself moving, this time to Great Sankey in Warrington, Cheshire. It also meant another school. I attended three different secondary schools, and because of our moving, my education was inconsistent and difficult. This is where my story becomes interesting…….

After moving to Great Sankey in Warrington, we lived in a row of four terraced houses. Living next door to us was a very beautiful woman and lovely man, both of whom I got to know very well. I was 15 at the time, and my feelings of wanting to be a part-time female were getting stronger. It was made worse by the beautiful woman next door, who happened to be from Finland. I had no female clothing I could wear; my mother’s knickers were too big for me. I couldn’t buy them from the shops without money or courage. I had to do something. I have never done it since, and I regret doing it, but I took something off a washing line! It was the woman’s underskirt from next door, and I cherished it for many years to follow. Her husband came round and informed us that his wife was missing some clothes off the washing line, (I only took one.) My mother found it quite amusing that there was a knicker-pincher about. I kept quiet because the humiliation would have been worse than the confession.

Over the next several years, I managed to scrape together a few items of female clothing to wear every now and then. I frequently wore the underskirt in bed.  It just felt so silky and the fact it had belonged to such a pretty woman made it that much better. I believe that my mother never knew about my crossdressing. She passed four years ago, and I am not aware that she had any idea.

By the time I was 30, my crossdressing had really taken hold of me. I moved out on my own and met a nice woman who is now my wife. When we first met, I didn’t confide in her about my crossdressing.  It’s not really a normal topic of conversation, is it? Trying to find time for crossdressing became difficult because she had two young sons at the time who needed lots of care and attention. I was restricted to wearing women’s clothing only at night and hidden under my pajamas. As time went by, my frustrations built up because of my desire to be female. I was supposed to be the man, responsible for holding everything together in the family. The boys grew up and became independent teenagers. I had time to spend on my own, upstairs in the bedroom, where I could dress up and be reasonably safe from being caught. My female clothes were still very basic. I was getting bored of them, as you might imagine, wearing the same ones for years.

It happened five months ago, as I felt I couldn’t keep holding back the stress of keeping my secret. The deceit, the hiding, the wanting, the needing, all became too much for me so I confessed to my wife. I told her what had been going on all these years and what my feelings were. Surprisingly, she wasn’t the least bit amazed, saying that she’d suspected something. It had been the little things, various items of her clothing being moved or missing altogether.

My story, as it stands now, isn’t perfect but it is a start. My wife now knows and she is reasonably agreeable for me to pursue my interests, within reason. She’s not willing for it to become an obsession but she is happy to interact with me every so often. I tend to model myself more as a girl at age 16 rather than a woman my age. I have a superb wardrobe with lots of pretty clothes – short skirts, tights, jumpers, leggings, pajamas, etc., all the things I could only dream of having a few years ago. I’m currently experimenting with make-up (with varying degrees of success.) I have three beautiful, long blonde wigs that I cherish and properly look after.

My road into crossdressing has been a rocky one. It had been mostly done in secret and in fear of being caught, up to recently opening up about my feelings and sharing them with my partner. There is still much to be done. I need to show my wife that I still love and cherish her, as I did when we first met. For me, the biggest lesson I’ve learned has been to stop selfishly thinking of only myself. My wife and kids come first and they always will. Whether Fiona continues to be as free as she is now or is once again constrained, I am and always will be a crossdresser for life.

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fiona moss

hi. I have been a long term cross dresser but ive only recently admitted it to my wife. I like to dress up as a youngish woman and enjoy wearing pretty clothes and smelling nice. it would be nice to chat to like-minded people like myself as its such a difficult subject to broach with non cross dressers. I consider myself a friendly, easy going person that cares about others and my fellow cross dressers. please dont hesitate to send a friends request if you wish, I would enjoy to chat sometime and make new friends.

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Gabriela Romani
Ambassador
Active Member

Fiona,

Thank you for sharing your story with us. I know you have touched our hearts as many are able to see themselves in that lonely child looking for affection at some point in our lives.

I so hope you will be able to keep your marriage and that you will continue discovering more about who you are, but above all, I wish for a smooth road for you from now on.

Hugs,
Gaby

Bianca Everdene
Lady
Active Member

Thanks for sharing your story Fiona. You are in good safe company here. A Rocky Road indeed, life is a rollercoaster, and if you have experienced the lows, the highs become so much sweeter, an ability to appreciate the simple pleasures such as a beautiful sunrise, or the feel of a silk underskirt. This site allows us to share stories we would probably not be comfortable sharing with others face to face. Many of us can empathise with these hardships. It was a kind of therapy for me, to finally open up to others about crossdressing, and finding thousands of… Read more »

Alice b Carpenter
Lady

Glad you found yourself, i must put my story down one day,
Its getting over that hump i think and having support from your partner. Support makes all the difference hugggs

PY Marshall
Duchess
Member

Hi Fiona,Thank you for sharing your story with us .I felt the emotion In the letter and have read it several times.This is a special place for us all.For the first time in my life i am able to relax and speak freely and i hope that by joining ,It will do the same for you.Good luck on your journey Py xx .

Terri Anne
Ambassador
Member

Hi Fiona,
Such a beautifully writen article. Thank you for sharing your tearfull story. My life has never been so hard as yours. Even though My mum was of a similar nature and we moved fairly often.
Bless you and your new journey love.
-Terri Anne

Jade Smith
Guest
Jade Smith

Hey, I also moved around a lot when young, albeit for different reasons: my dad seeking promotions. Also left largely to my own devices as my parents were always busy with something work related. I’m also familiar with your locations, being a Northern soul, though the Eastern side. I’m glad you’re beginning to find happiness and fulfilment. Pm me if you wish.

Michelle Liefde
Ambassador
Active Member

Hi Fiona, thank you for writing your story. When we share our pasts with each other, it can only help each of us to understand and grow in our community. And as someone whose wife knows and is supportive, I agree that always showing your partner that love and cherishing what you have made together is so important in keeping each other happy. So I am rooting for you, my dear CDH sister!

Hugs,
Michelle

Lisa watson
Guest
Lisa watson

Interesting story they all seem to be that way.

Thank you for posting as I could relate to a lot of it.

Lisa

Michelle
Lady

Thanks for sharing!

And am I the only one that read that voiced in a proper British accent?

Michelle
xoxo

Mandy Cross
Lady

You aren’t alone Michelle, I can do a pretty good Manchester accent too! Mx

Sa·man·tha
Baroness

Fiona dear… Thanks for writing, for sharing about yourself. Your article grabbed hold of me, because in every paragraph I found an echo of myself, either as the child or as the parent…
Btw in regards to your forum post: I think a lot of us see our feminine side as at least somewhat younger than our masculine…ask me in drab and I’ll tell you I’m 40. Find me en femme and I’ll swear to you I’m 31

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