I have been thinking about writing an article for some time now but going back and forth about a subject. I guess during these troubling times of a pandemic and self- isolation and self-reflection, the topic now seems appropriate.
Like other girls I started my fascination with cross dressing at an early age. I would wear my older sister’s clothes and dream about being a girl. I was almost found out by my father and was petrified with fear but actually exposed myself to my sister while wearing some of her clothes. She was taken back by my appearance, and that was not the response I was hoping for so I played it off as a joke. That turned me off for quite some time. I was in my early teens and I put my fantasy out of my mind. I felt I was the only person who did such a thing. High school, college and the service followed and my embarrassment and fascination with dressing disappeared. Along with marriage, children, buying and taking care of a house, a 40-hour work week and even a part time job to make ends meet. I was too busy and poor to think about dressing, let alone buy feminine clothes.
As a health care professional, I worked nights so with my wife at work and my children at school, I was home alone and my availability and desire to dress increased. I accumulated some things when I had the courage to go shopping and started purchasing things online. Of course, I couldn’t have them delivered to my house, so I obtained a P.O. box. I stored them in large plastic bins in my garage and crawl space, always afraid someone would find them. When I wasn’t exhausted from work I would bring some items in the house and enjoy being Jenna even for a short time. Guilt would set in and on some of my feminine things mold grew and I took that as a sign to purge my items. Of course, I missed dressing, and would purchase other things from time to time. Life went on, my kids grew up, they got married and we now have grandchildren and within the last few years. Both my wife and I retired!
I know this is a story that is most likely a carbon copy of many girls here, however, this is where my story has a twist that I haven’t read from others on this site. I am bisexual! My wife does not know of my desire to cross dress and in addition have an attraction to men when I’m dressed as Jenna. I know a lot of you would say I should come clean to my wife but I don’t think she would handle this bombshell very well. No matter how I try to curb both my crossdressing and my attraction towards men, I always get drawn back into the dressing, back into that attraction to other men!
Thank You for taking the time to read my story! Hope we all can have an exchange of thoughts and ideas! Please feel free to answer one or more of the questions I’ve posed to you below.
- Have you ever felt the urge to be with a man or even fantasized about being with a man when you are dressed en femme?
- Have you been living in secret like me and can’t bring yourself to come clean with your wife or significant other?
- Did you totally lose the desire to cross dress after getting married, working a full-time job, raising children, and just not seeming to have the time to cross dress during that particular time of your life?
Hugs to you all! Jenna
Hi Jenna your story is exactly the same as mine, I’ve been living in that crossdressing closet for years, only venturing out when my wife is out and about, sometimes she goes away for a few days and i can be Rozalyne all day long without fear of her catching me out, I’m also bi and i have an urge to be with a man when I’m dressed up as Rozalyne, it’s not so much coming out it’s what the consequences will be, I’ve retired too and like you I’m a grandad and in January this year i became a… Read more »
Rozalyne! Thank You for your kind message! It’s good to know I am not the only CD with this issue. Congratulations on your becoming a great grandad, that is exciting and very happy for you! Hugs. Jenna
My wife got tired of the crossdressing and divorced me. We had other major issues but when she said she wasn’t a lesbian, I knew she did accept the crossdressing in bed. I am totally straight (most cross dressers are) but I sometimes fantasize about men but have no interest in pursuing that. Hope that helps. This is my first post. It feels great to help someone who struggles with their crossdressing. I read a lot of articles to understand myself. Keep posting and reading…You’ll get the advice you need from someone who understands and has experienced what your going… Read more »
Josephine. Thank You for your message and keep posting! That was my first article and I was nervous, not about sharing but if I may catch some grief. I’m glad I did and hope to write more articles in the future! Hugs Jenna
Hi Jenna You are right. Your story is a lot like many of us here. It is how we deal with it that makes it a little different. Your desire to be with a man when dressed seems to be pretty common in our community. It is some thing i did earlier in my life . I used to go out fully dressed to a gay night club. There were many girls like us from many parts of the world. There were also many men that were attracted to girls like us. It was so much fun and exciting. I… Read more »
Stephanie! Thank You so very much for your thoughtful and encouraging message. I loved everything you said and it brought a tear to my eye! I’m so grateful that I could share my story and thankful for all the wonderful and kind replies to my article! Hugs Jenna
Jenna – you are not alone. I just wish there was an easy answer or a switch we could flip and have everyone accept who we are. Your gender preference and sexual preference are different. As a man I consider myself bisexual but leaning more towards women. As Sharon I am only attracted to men. That is when my feminine side and sexual preference interact with one another. I wish there was an easy answer to the path that society and choices we had lead us down. You feel trapped and not being able to fulfill your urges plays mind… Read more »
Thank You Sharon for your kind message. I have gotten nothing but kind and helpful replies to my article. It’s good to know that there are so many thoughtful and considerate girls here on CDH. Hugs Jenna
That story really hit close to home with me. I was crossdressing secretly through high school and college. Then the real world came along and I didn’t have the opportunity to dress en femme. Then I got married, had a child, busy job, and everything else. I was finally getting time to dress and the passion has come back in force. Sometimes when I’m dressed, I do want to be had by a man. Other times not so much. I finally got hormones and things are progressing nicely. I have talked to my wife, but she will not have any… Read more »
Marlie. Thank You for sharing your story and best of luck with your journey. It’s a very emotional and difficult path to follow but you need to do what you feel is best for you. Good luck! Hugs Jenna
This sounded a lot like me. I was too poor when married to crossdress. I got divorced and raised two children. I did a little then but was too poor to buy much. After they left home I got remarried and started to crossdress more, I am lucky that my wife will accept a little cross-dressing. But there is a line I can not cross.
Megan! We all take different paths and follow different dreams! It’s part of life and why all of us are not alike. I understand and the important thing is being happy. Best of luck to you. Hugs Jenna
Hey Jenna, for me I had come to terms with being bisexual,myself, many years before this burning desire I now get at time to forsake my own gender and make great efforts showing off, mostly to me, but sometimes others how much of a girl I just love to be haha. So when i discovered how amazing those lace panties felt , it also had another byproduct effect which was exacerbate my bisexual behavior… I can’t say I’m too surprised by that one tho. It just made more sense really as I run further into a gender identity switch, certain… Read more »
Lacey! Thank You for your reply and good luck with your journey. Just as long as you are happy and I hope you find that special person to go through life! Hugs Jenna
Hi and while my story is a bit different than yours in alot of ways it’s the same. I am bi/pan sexual as well and while I never considered a relationship with a man, I have expored my sexuality with them. I have only dabbled at cross dressing in my life at best, but I knew I wanted more than just that. After years of being unhappy and seeing no end in sight I just told my wife, here’s where I differ.. I told her I am planning on transitioning. I spent my life as you did, not following my… Read more »
Tracy Lynn. Thank You for your lovely reply and best of luck on your transition. I know how difficult it must have been for you to tell your wife about your dreams and desires. Follow your path and enjoy your amazing journey! Hugs Jenna
hi jenna.. thank you for sharing.. pandemic and social isolation induced self reflection do makes one wonder… most of the time I crossdress just for me, but there are times when I crossdress I want to be desired and I imagine myself with a man☺☺..so I guess I might be bi… but irl I can’t muster up enough courage to act on it.. and with the way I am, I guess I’ll never know (or maybe I don’t want to know?..) I am in my thirties now and from the looks of it (based on the shared opinion and responses)… Read more »
Selilah. Thank You for taking the time to reply and share your opinion. I understand about the fear factor involved with such a big step. It wasn’t easy for me either but like many girls on CDH have pointed out, you should be true to yourself. I’m finally happy with my life and need to continue with my feelings. Hugs Jenna
Hi Jenna Just read your post and wanted to tell you that your not alone with your feelings about wanting to dress en femme and your not alone about wanting to be with a man Crossdressing for me and looking like a lady is what makes me feel feminine and want to be with a man. The first time I got the courage to be with a man i was on vacation away from where I live and no one knew me. I actually slept with a man and it was the most incredible experience I ever had .I I… Read more »
Jannie! Thank You so much for your kind and thoughtful message. I knew there had to be girls like us. You don’t really see it or hear about it on CDH. I just wanted to put the subject on the front burner and take it from there. Thanks again and stay safe! Hugs Jenna ❤