A story of society and crossdressing acceptance

Dear Readers,

I know it’s been a while since we last spoke – I want to thank you for all the contributions of stories, articles and experiences you’ve shared. I’m finally back from all my travels the last six months, and will start looking through all the wonderful words you’ve shared.

To start us off, I want to share a story from Charlotte, about society, acceptance and how sometimes even those who profess to accept still have a ways to go in acceptance.

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The other day my family and I were eating out at Café Nero in Derby. We walked in and got ourselves something to eat and drink. My parents told my Sister and I to go and find a seat so that is what we did.
My Sister looked over and saw a lady and said do you think that’s a bloke?

Being a Crossdresser myself I looked over and then looked back at my sister and said so what if she is. With that my Mum and Step Dad came over to the table my Sister had to point the lady out to them. My Mum and Step Dad as well as my Sister all know that I Crossdress although they don’t understand and some would feel uncomfortable if I were Crrossdressed in front of them. I know that they don’t understand and don’t want to see me Crossdressed, but they are of the opinion that people should be who they want to be as long as they’re not trying to inflict it on you.

My other family don’t know about me Crossdressing and that is how it will remain as they don’t understand why people do it either.

Don't laugh at me

Don’t laugh at me

Not long after I was outed to the family that know my Nan said they saw a guy dressed as a girl in Tesco’s and was saying “he looked silly” and was really ripping him apart saying “I don’t know what he thought he looked like” etc. I thought fair credit to the guy/girl as they are expressing themselves without
fear of judgment or being judged and that is how ideally it should be.

The second time my Nan and this time my Mum would bring the subject up as when they went out to some National Trust house. In the grounds they were holding the Bearded Theory Festival.

There was a guy in a dress with a beard who fell under the scrutiny of my Nan and my Mum. My Nan being an oldie feels that people that are Gay, Lesbian, Crossdressers etc shouldn’t show it or “Flaunt it” as she says. I’m not gay myself but I think as my parents say what does it matter as long as you’re not trying to push someone into doing or being something they’re not then it’s fine.

Getting back to the original Café Nero experience and this is where the other experiences that the others have had ties in with all this; the person who was Crossdressed at Café Nero was not causing any trouble and was minding their own business so why did my family have to make remarks at this experience of seeing them?

My Step Dad looked over once and then kept on looking over even though after the first comment he made it seem clear that he disapproved and was of disgust of the lady who had come out Crossdressed. The lady after all was only sat minding her own business relaxing in the Café on her computer. I will admit I looked over a couple of times because it is the first time I have seen anyone brave enough to go out Crossdressed; and it is the first time other than myself in the mirror that I’ve been face to face another Crossdresser.

I was proud to see that the lady didn’t even react to us looking over but then I guess that is how you deal with any unwanted attention that you are receiving.

Why do people they say they don’t mind people being themselves when they comment about them when the person who is different isn’t doing anything to the onlooker? Perhaps people who wish to comment in a negative way should stop, think then if the feeling is still negative either go away and educate themselves, ask the person for the information e.g. why do you Crossdress etc or better still remain silent.


P.S. Stay tuned for a fabulous competition that is coming soon!

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Dedicated to creating a safe, supportive and welcoming environment for everyone in the transgender community.

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  1. Lynne 2 years ago

    Hi girls I have been dressing for years but only recently have I been getting serious about it again.I had open heart surgery about a year and a half ago and they said it would affect me emotionally ,did it ever I would find myself crying all the time and also embracing my feminine self like never before .Words like adorable and gorgeous came creeping into my vocabulary.For example I like wearing these adorable 5″sandals around the house to show off my gorgeous painted pink toe nails .I am new to this chat forum and will no doubt be sharing further rambling in the future .I am still trying to get up the courage to go out in public hopefully in Feb planning a small trip to Regina to explore the town .

  2. Gr8Legz 4 years ago

    Regarding the statement in the article “I was proud to see that the lady didn’t even react to us looking over but then I guess that is how you deal with any unwanted attention that you are receiving.”

    I am a trans-andro (trangender androgyne) and wear a mixture of “male” and “female” clothing on a daily basis, both at home and in public. I wear skirts and tights openly in public, often with either a T-shirt or male fashion collared shirt, or else wear up to 3″ heels with boot cut jeans (male or female) and either a male shirt or female top, lthough my own preference is for something not too feminine. I also wear a little light make up and also nail polish on a daily basis.

    I have a very supportive partner who, if she notices people staring, will give them the evil eye in return and if they are really giving me unwarranted attention – pointing, commenting to each other, joking about me – has been known to approach them and ask “Do you have a problem?”. There hav been occasions when she has comented to me on someone’s reaction and I’ve told her honestly that I didn’t notice.

    For many years I felt embarrassed and ashamed of my desires for dressing in a more feminine manner and only came to terms with this about four years ago at around the age of 50. When I decided to “go public” I came to this line of reasoning with myself:

    Q. Who are the people that are important to me in my life?
    A. My family and close friends.

    Q. Do they have a problem with the way I dress?
    A. No.

    Q. Do these other people have any significance in my life?
    A. No.

    Conclusion: So why worry about the opinions of people who are of no significance to me?

    The net result was that I classified these people as “Insignificant Others” and stopped worrying about their opinions and reactions. When I did this I also began to stop noticing their reactions. If anyone ever asks why I am wearing nail polish, I reply “Because I like it. Why should girls have all the fun?”

    It may be that this gurl, who was relaxing in the Café on her computer and minding her own business, had developed a similar mindset, really didn’t care what others may think of her and was intent on just being herself.

    Good for her and more power to her.

    • Jane don 3 years ago

      Perfect–just perfect

      • Lucinda 3 years ago

        It’s great that you dress up, it’s all about who we are and feel. We dress to feel more comfortable. It’s all about showing a new trend of designer wear. Good for you on having a supportive partner. I do have a partner how lets me dress up but at times does not like to see me all dressed up pretty. I feel more human and happy.

  3. lucinda 4 years ago

    its a shame that other people redicule cross dressers that are brave to come out of the closet and be them shelvs. what is so wrong with dressing up like a woman or girl? woman do it daily and they are not rediculed about the way they dress! i am a closet cross dresser and my wife knows of it and my daughter does also, but she only seen me 1 time. not any other time when i do dress up. i love the feeling of female clothing, the look of being pretty and respecting woman on how long it takes to get dressed up pretty.when i dress up in female mode my fem side takes over me and dresses me from head to toe. make up perfume, jewlery, heels, bra, nylons, slip, dress. i love the look when she is all done making me look pretty. just wish i could go out in public as a female and flunt it.

    • Lucinda 3 years ago

      Yes it is a shame on people reticule us cross dressers, they should either comment on how pretty we look, if they don’t have something nice to say to us , then they should just keep their mouth shut and keep walking. There is real woman who dress up male clothing and nothing is said to them. Society needs to except the new tread of generation of cross dressing. There is nothing wrong with men wearing female attire.its all about showing a new designer clothing, who said dresses or skirts we for females? It’s just a material to cover the naked body.

  4. k.j.s 4 years ago

    I cross dress, I love doing it, I am not Tough, but I am Sensitive, I have been cross dressing most of my life, I believe I might be a bit sissified and a bit of a girly girl, I always get turned on and absolutely don’t like my guy type clothes, but my family and friends would, hate and disown me , if they ever found, right now I am wearing little girl satin panties, ultra shinny suntan footed, tight fitting tights, a pink and white little girl’s bra, a very shinny dark brown and tight fitting and lovely and beautiful ice skating skirt, a very small tight fitting long sleeved and very smoothed fitting little girls black turtleneck, little girl’s soft pink socks, everyday I wear feminie under garments and sometimes my girly sissy outfits, under my regular guy clothes. I have a very large assortment of girl’s / teen girls and young womens, skate skirts, panties, bras, tops, dresses, skirts, girl’s socks and tights and nylons.

  5. elisas michelle 4 years ago

    As a crossdresser girl,who wants to develop more confidence in going out in public as a woman.I can totally relate to the difficulties other girls face,I share ahouse with an older brother and sister,who are not at all sympathetic to anyone who believes in an alternative lifestyle!whenever i go to a Club,or meet other “girl”,always have toleave the house after midnight,when everybod is either asleepor watching television.would love to see a world where i could freely dress at anytime, and without hassles!!

  6. dorthy 4 years ago

    I finally my mom and brother said they don’t want me on there facebook my mom said cause she don’t like the the questions her friends ask her the other thing going on is we tried to take over for new baby from cps they took them after we got temp guardian I don’t know the laws but the case worker said they shouldn’t have took her from us but gave our email facebook names away and there family tried to add us is this against the law

  7. Astraia 4 years ago

    Like someone said, xdressing has become more acceptable. Btw, always go “dressed” if you go girl shopping. If you go as a guy people think you are a freak or something like that. It’s better being called “homo” than a perv.

  8. dorthy 4 years ago

    i weied way im kinda differnt my family dont like it but i went shoping because i went to woman section and was gonna purchase somethin i went to try it on in women section they stoped me wouldnt let me try it on i have done that in girls shorts though and have asked to try shoes on

  9. Leah Lenoire 5 years ago

    Unfortunately it will take a while to undo the damage that thousands of years of religion and aristocratic rule have done to our “free society”. Things seem to be getting better for us though. There will be a time someday when trans-people will be able to walk freely without judgement, we have to be patient though until then, as these ideas are very new to most people.

  10. elisa michelle 5 years ago

    Hi! loving these stories of how tg/cd girls deal with the, “biased” opinions of the general public!.as for me have been a Cd girl for many years,dont get to dressed up often as woman,but when i do it is a very liberating feeling,and know that expressing myself as woman,is something that is truly withing me,and it is something that enjoy doing,as i see nothong wrong with expressingmy feminine feleings and desires!as for people,who feel compelled to voice negative opinios,i always think to myself:they are the ones with a problem,not me!

    keep up the good work!!!!!
    elisa michelle

  11. Marty 5 years ago

    I have been living as a female full time for nearly a year. I live in a small town in South Dakota, USA where you’d think people would really cause a stir. Even the largest city in South Dakota, Sioux Falls, where my wife and I shop, take care of business, work, go to school, etc) She’s even use going out with me fully dressed, with our without makeup. First of all, there are still a lot of people out there that are unaware of the LGBT community, and mainly Transgender people like us. In my opinion I look like a very ugly, masculine woman, but it is the best I can do, and after 40 some years of hiding and wanting to kill myself, I knew it was time to be true to myself. It was very scarey, and I saw the school counselor to help me get through the fear, etc. But I made it through. Yeah I get weird or nasty looks sometimes, but I learned I cannot let what others think stop me from being myself. F**K them if they don’t like it! They can just look away or leave the room. I basically ignore those knowledgeable, ignorant people. And, I must say that as time goes by you get more used to it, and it becomes easier and you start to feel more comfortable and relaxed out in public. People think I’m brave. Maybe I am, but my only motivation is to be who I am, be true to myself, and not wanting to commit suicide all the time.

  12. Rogina Bakey 5 years ago

    Some of us are out and about all the time and blend in quite well.I have never had a negative issue of any kind in many years.Most people don’t understand the “T” mind at all so few know that it is something we are born with.Acceptance is growing worldwide as young people are grasping the idea that gender has a wide spectrum.Educating the young about this is a powerful step forward.

  13. rachel 5 years ago

    I often go out, alone or with another t-girl. Often I goto art galleries, museum, shopping centre etc. For me, I find families with children, less likely to cause an issue, in fact I’ve often chatted to parents, kids or elderly alike without incident.
    The one negative comment came from a single male, trying to be tough in front of his male friend.

  14. Chelsea 5 years ago

    People who live by unexamined values tend to see them as “natural” or “obvious,” and people who don’t fit in are subject to pressure to make them fit in. If that doesn’t work the stakes get higher: shunning, hospitalization, incarceration, beating, murder… Not only does this help perpetuate the unexamined value system, it also serves as an outlet for unexamined and denied feelings. Those who don’t adapt enough of the conditioning are dehumanized as unnatural, and therefor it is considered fitting that they should be subject to barbaric treatment. Perhaps the best solution is to surround yourself with a core group of intimates who support you as a feeling subject, rather than a correct subject. They’re out there! Above all, our greatest strength is the joy we release when we live from our feelings. Smiles open hearts. Love, Chels

  15. cuckholddon 5 years ago

    I can’t help but comment!
    I do get out “Dressed” sometimes But rarely by myself-usally with wife& or friends!
    I know That I’m going to be stared at& the occation comment(esp. when I’m dressed like a slut& kind of enjoy it!
    It’s not often I get really negitive things said-Sometimes people wil grab thier children & hurry off the other way(that is hurtful) But Many will let the kids ask me the questions they are afraid to ask-Like “why are you dressed like a girl”-I say-I like to play dressup& the parents& kids are happy with that answer!
    I am quite happy to answer folks questions(no such thing as a dumb question)!
    I firmly believe that We Crossdressers need to Educate the public whenever we can& that we should expect to be stared at (at least for NOW!!

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