Hello ladies, my name is Linda.
First of all, I would like to show my appreciation to each and every one of you on CDH for all of your time and experiences you have graciously shared here with us. I read quite a bit on all the subjects on CDH, and I wish I could say I participate more frequently, but I really haven’t. I will try in the future to work on my communications here on CDH.
My situation is rare but not uncommon. I am a middle aged heterosexual male crossdresser, who has been married for 16 years.
My wife is a very open and understanding woman, after all her son is openly gay and early on while dating, she opened up to me about a short lesbian relationship she had years before we met.
My wife should have been clued in a few years into our marriage about my crossdressing, because I wore panties on a very regular basis. I’m not sure if she knew or just ignored it. Yes, you are very correct. I should have had “The Talk” before we tied the knot. One day early on she called me and asked who’s panties were in my laundry. I confessed that they were mine. Nothing else was said. I continued to dress in private and collect my feminine wardrobe. Throughout my years I have purged and yet regained my collection again. To my knowledge she has never found my collection.
Fast forward to three years ago, my wife went on a girl’s vacation with her family. I had finally found a company that makes a women size 17 classic 4-inch-high heel and I had to have a pair of these heels.
I spent much of the week alone in my home dressing and enjoying some “Linda” time. Well it was time for her to come home and I had to clean up. When I first opened the heels I had placed the box next to the living room garbage can and neglected to dispose of it. She came home and while I was helping everyone unpack from our van and reload their cars, my wife found the box and that started a very stressful and terrifying night. I wasn’t sure if we were going to separate. Well we didn’t, thank God.
We had a very long conversation that night, and many of the same questions all of you have had or will have to answer one day to an inquisitive wife or SO who is not aware of your thrill of cross dressing. She came to a conclusion; she doesn’t want to see me dressed or even help with my dressing. At first I was so worried about so many things like, who is going to help me with shopping, makeup, hair styling and walking in heels. Then I realized, it’s not all about me.
I married her for who she is and she married me for who she thought I was, which was a large 6’6″ tall, 350-pound dude. Her protector and her rock.
I really started to think about, what if things were reversed and the sweet, sexy, lovely, girly, feminine wife I married wanted to start taking testosterone and started cross dressing with men’s clothing. In a perfect world I would stay by her side and help her with whatever she/he needed. This would be just as difficult a situation as she has to cope with now with me.
There are so many of us who have heard of the unicorn and in a perfect world we could have it. Ladies I really wish all of you the best of luck in search of the unicorn, but don’t be blinded in your search of the woman that will except you and be your girlfriend and your wife.
In my life, I have my best friend who is the love of my life and someone I would lay down and die for. So what if she doesn’t want to be included in the cross dressing part of my life. We all have certain things in our life that our wives aren’t involved in such as sports, cars, movies, in-laws and more.
What I’m trying to enlighten you about is the fact it’s not all about you. If she knows and doesn’t want to know then don’t tell her. Take a separate vacation and go to a girls social and get all dressed up. Wait until she goes somewhere to dress at home.
For all of the other girls who their wives or SO’s don’t know, that’s a whole other story. Hope my story helps you ladies a little bit.
Thank you girls for reading my article and now I ask you to either comment on my writings in the article or offer up and answer to one or more of my questions below:
- Have you mistakingly left an article or two behind after a cross dressing session later to find your wife holding the femme articles and asking some embarrassing hard to answer questions about the items?
- How did you answer those questions and what was your wife’s reaction and resulting actions if it was the first time she learned of your thrill of cross dressing?
- Why is it, do you think, that so many wives don’t understand our thrill of cross dressing?
Love you girls and I’m so looking forward to your comments to my article or answers to one or more of the questions I’ve posed to you above!,
Sincerely, Linda
More Articles by Linda Carter
Linda Carter
Latest posts by Linda Carter (see all)
- Not Knowing Is Bliss, For Her! - January 5, 2021
I agree. I see a lot on here about the quandary people face about telling significant others, and I really always advocate against that purely because I disbelieve it to be the ‘cure-all’ so many of us mistakingly believe it will be. It’s an amazing discovery to bring this side of us to life, sure!..some run with it, some like to keep it a little ‘secret’ of theirs. I don’t see any problem with either, problems arise when we kid ourselves into believing we can just expect others to follow-along with our rather unorthodox(?) leanings. There will *always* be repercussions… Read more »
Kitty, first thank you so very much for reading and responding to my article. I feel much the same way as you, sometimes we can already predict the reactions of our loved ones which can help you to decide whether or not to come out of the closet wearing our best outfit. I can only hope for the best for anyone in our situation.
XOXOXO Linda
I told my first wife, and I will never tell my second. I didn’t marry her because she accepted my crossdressing. In fact, I married her for a lot of reasons that would probably mean she wouldn’t accept it. And unconditional love isn’t the same thing as unconditional acceptance. As soon as she knows, I have to be willing to give it up. I’ve tried for years, and haven’t been able to yet. If you’re willing to tell your SO, then you’re willing to lose your SO and everything you have. Each time I dress or sneak in an item… Read more »
Emily, thank you for sharing your own personal situation and thank you for reading and responding to my article. I know we are not alone in our struggles for acceptance from our loved ones. My personal experiences are only with my first and current wife. I will do what I can to pacify the situation between us and continue our marriage. I wish I could give you insight on what to do in the event of a second relationship following the demise of the first for whatever the reason. I can only speculate on my experiences that knowing how crossdressing… Read more »
thanks so much for this article! As others have said, it feels like I could’ve been writing about myself. When my wife and I had “the talk" she made it clear that she didn’t care what I did, but she didn’t really want to be a part of it. Unfortunately, I violated that by going overboard the next Halloween, with little to no warning to her. She was…not happy. At that point, due to my own recklessness, I tried to give it all up. It didn’t last (of course!), but at that point I made the same commitment you did.… Read more »
Lexi, first of all welcome back to CDH. I like to think I speak for everyone here in our community by saying we missed you. Sometimes in our journey to dress we become tunnel visioned in our own search for acceptance and confirmation. In that we feel that what we do should be accepted by all.
XOXOXO Linda
I came out because I was afraid. For me it has been accepted. At first it was the worst part she ran Way crying I thought it was the end. Some how we worked through it. Life is great we have recently been out as girl friend. But I understand for most it is not. Hugs
I feel as though I’m living a “charmed life “, because not only did I find a “unicorn”, not only did I marry her, but we BOTH wore a wedding dress! My wish is for everyone to find universal acceptance.
I am, was, and always will be an advocate for the “Tell It All Up Front" School of Relationships. Starting a (hopefully) long term relationship with secrets is NOT the way to do it. Remember the fable about Loving Something? “If you love it, let it go. If it returns to you, it is meant to be" (paraphrase, but you get the idea) I wanted a partner who would love me — ALL of me — so I told her once we started getting serious. If she had turned me down, I would have been devistated, for a while. But… Read more »
Dear Julie, I do understand where you are coming from. If I were to play it over I would be more open. Unfortunately we do not have that power, so in any case what is done is done. I did not beg her or plead with her to compromise, her feeling were that she didn’t want to know about it or see it. I am completely devoted to my wife and if she does not want to see or hear about it I will respect her decision. I feel blessed that it wasn’t the “give it up or im gone"… Read more »
I have mistakenly left things out in the open or in the washing machine. I once left a pair of panties in the washer only to be found by my wife. She was curious as to who they belonged to and I told they were mine. I did answer some difficult questions with half truths and empty promises that it was a 1 time thing. Over the years, I have unintentionally left things in places I didn’t think she would find, but she did. we have come to the point in our marriage where we’re not sure if we stay… Read more »
Hi Linda and girls, Recently I returned to crossdressing after a 20 year hiatus. My wife knows that I have returned. She doesn’t really approve and I keep my dressing from her. I think that she sees it as a selfish indulgence. She saw my eye makeup remover in the cabinet and said “I saw your eye makeup remover, nice! Maybe I’ll use it?“ in sort of an off hand snippy way. The last few weeks I have been dressing and putting on makeup Saturday morning when she goes to visit her mother. She phones me when she’s leaving her… Read more »
Jenni, thank you so much for reading and commenting on my article and I hope you make it through without incident. We all have been there and its not fun. Wives can be unknowingly mean at times because the are confused and have no basis of experience to draw from. I love my wife very much and I know she loves me but she doesn’t except my way of life. I’m not sure what the conclusion will be once she discover what I really do when im out of town working. Truly, I’m not sure I want to find that… Read more »
Thanks for this article, Linda. My spouse was very supportive at first; we bought clothes together and teased each other about it. I was very happy. Then something changed. I don’t know what. But now, she doesn’t want to see it, talk about it, and I had to either hide it from her or stop altogether. As far as she knows, I’ve stopped. I love her too much hurt her, but the ongoing deceit is taking its toll. I know it’s difficult for her; I wish we could talk about what changed. It was hard enough to reveal this part… Read more »
Dear Wendy, thank you so much for reading and replying to my article. I know first hand just how difficult it can be to keep all three of you happy. I truly understand the deceit you feel when you hide wendy from her. I too have a secret life away from my beloved wife. I do it out of selfishness and love at the same time. In the beginning, if your wife sees just how happy dressing makes you, she knows you won’t be able to stop. My wife is extremely observant and when I shave off my goatee and… Read more »