,

Icarus was a Cross Dresser.

Yes, a random statement but let me explain.

Icarus set himself the goal of flying like a bird and, as the story goes, was able to achieve that dressed in a suit of feathers. He was able to soar with the birds, become one of them if you will, but he then set his aspirations much higher. He wanted to get even closer to the sun. It was an aim which he was unable to achieve without his suit of feathers being scorched.  Then he fell back to earth and… well, let’s just say it wasn’t good for our formerly feathered friend.

Stepping Out Secrets

By now most of you are staring at this and wondering if I’m drunk or on some solvent or maybe I should be on some meds while I write this, but I’m getting there.

There have been mutterings around the closet doors forever about not being presentable or pretty enough or photogenic enough to pass, or even to be on CDH. Now, I’m here to tell you that is BS and explain why.

In our perfect fantasy worlds, we are able to come home from work, shower, slide into fabulous outfits, post wonderful pictures of ourselves, and even go on outings without anyone batting an eyelid in our direction, except maybe to admire our shoes or our fashion style. But I’m sorry, for most of us, that is an unobtainable standard. Those of us who are closeted are destined to struggle in this area. That doesn’t mean it isn’t possible, but its tough. Real tough.

Firstly, we can’t commit fully to feminizing without triggering off questions from our workmates and family. Shaved bodies and plucked eyebrows will probably get noticed by most women and some men too. A skin care regime will make the wife notice at least and, if she doesn’t know, trigger her into wondering what’s going on (but that’s a whole different article). Sure we can talk about aging and the sun ruining our skin or we are cycling so need to shave our legs but those excuses only work for some.

Secondly, if you are new to this whole “dressing up thing”, your wardrobe will be limited to what you can cobble together.  So, putting together a perfect ensemble suitable for the catwalks of Milan, let alone Walmart, will be difficult. And then we have the makeup fiasco…. Oh dear God help!!!! How many of us have watched the videos online and thought, “piece of cake”? But when we are finished, it’s not a beautiful lady with delicate features and highlights looking back at us but rather someone resembling a raccoon after a 3-day booze bender with a few brawls thrown in for good measure that is staring back. I put my hand up for this being my signature look if I try to go for the sophisticated, night-out, smoky-eyed, feminine appearance….sigh.

Thirdly and maybe the most difficult is that we are dealing with the bone structure and musculature of men. Sorry, but some of us are doomed not to be delicate flowers. Of course, we can try diet and exercise that will shrink us a bit but if you are 6’5” and have shoulders of a linebacker then that little black dress with killer 5-inch stilettos might never be the best look.

And you know what. Who cares? Yes, I’d love to manage to be able to sneak out in public and not be seen, to blend in if you like. But to what end?. I’m closeted and my only outings have been to a friend’s place who knows me as both male and female. So she’s not going to be a good judge of whether I blend in. She has an image of who I am as a dude, so that image will always be the one she puts against my fem side.

Okay back to the pics.

We all see pictures here of ladies who we think are gorgeous. Yes, let’s use that word. They’d turn heads anywhere they went dressed as they do in their pictures. And we secretly hate them…No… I’m kidding. We are envious and we want to be like them, but we don’t hate them. We hate ourselves for not being able to attain that look ourselves. We hold their images up to the standard that we must meet to be considered worthy of the title Cross Dresser. Of course what we don’t see are the hours of practice that went into perfecting just one aspect of their look. Or the time spent looking through clothes and getting things that matched perfectly. Or the time they spent with someone whose job was to make them look fabulous for that one photo.

Yes, some of those shots aren’t pics of people who’ve just got home and slipped into something straight out of the shower. They aren’t generally closeted. Some of those people are further along the spectrum than just being a CD. They may be in the process of transitioning and as such have had years of time to work out their look. To figure out the best angles (let’s face it we all need help in this area) and perhaps the bodies they are presenting aren’t quite what they used to be. HRT, supplements, diet and exercise regimes, as well as possibly surgery, play a big part in where they are today.

The important thing to remember is that at some stage they were where you are. They had that raccoon looking at them. They had the dude in a dress look as well and had “picture envy” of some gorgeous woman they held up as their standard. And also if you can’t attain that standard because of the stuff life throws at us, then why set the bar that high? If you love the feel of silky undergarments or the swish of a skirt against your nylon clad legs, does it matter if you don’t have the same portfolio of gorgeous photos? Those photos shouldn’t be what you allow to define the you that you want to be.

Be true to who you are. Enjoy what it is that you enjoy. Don’t listen to others, setting your goals based on their goals, set your own. Our lives are all different, our situations are different and as such we can only succeed where we control the journey.

Lofty goals are great but if you reach too far, the price may be too much and it could cost you far more than you ever thought.

Okay, Icarus probably wasn’t a CD, but he tried to overreach and in the end he went too far. Besides, someone with that much of a liking for feathers has to at least be a drag queen.

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Sarah Daniels

Im a Wannabe writer. Short stories so far but I want more. Like everyone I think I have a novel in me somewhere, but not sure what it is yet. Have a few things on the slow boil and a couple of cold cases tucked away for another time.

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Rozalyne Richards
Lady
Member

Hi Sarah well what can i say i identify with your story what i see in the mirror is a man in drag and not a beautiful woman, I’ve tried putting makeup on and I’m not very good at it i would need a professional to help with my make-up to make me look anything resembling a woman, i know that i would need a lot of hormone and surgery to make a difference in my appearance, that’s why I’m still in the closet because i don’t think i would be able to really pass as a real woman outside… Read more »

melissa la quinta
Duchess
Member

Hi Roz: Well, Ive seen your profile pic and I disagree that you look like a guy in drag. You look perfectly feminine. I’d love to be your friend, and we could dress and get made up together. XXOO

Rozalyne Richards
Lady
Member

Hi Melissa i would love to have you as a friend x

Rhonda Roe...
Managing Ambassador
Member

Great read Sarah. So on point. Thanks for sharing.

*skippy1965(Cynthia)
Ambassador
Active Member

Sarah you have a great gift for writing! Id love to read more by you! Thanks for a great article that made great points!
Cyn

melissa la quinta
Duchess
Member

Wow! Your article touched so many nerves in me, and on so many levels. I, too, fantasize about looking runway-model gorgeous and going out clubbing, while being ogled and admired by men, women and other cd’s. But alas, having purged one too many times, I’m stuck at home with bras and panties, and cute sleepwear, that I can only share with my tolerant but not wholly supportive spouse. Oh to be dressed, made up and out! (Sigh)

Amanda Patrick
Member

Hi Sarah, Thankfully I never seemed to have High Expectations for myself. The first person that helped with my make up told me I had nice skin for a male person. And that I would be easy to do. I have 3 Items that I use. And Recently my wife gave me some blush to try also. I went with the advise I have been Given. And so far things have worked Out. Of course we will all have those Nerves . I was all so over weight at First but went out any ways. To Safe Spaces of Course.… Read more »

Jack Straw
Lady
Active Member

Hit home good.piece

Alison Elliott
Lady

Hello Sarah, I can fully relate to what you have written. There is so much that is all about me. I am 75, but in my mind I am less than half that age! I have dressed a few times a week for the past 30 years, with many long breaks, including two purges and I only wish that I had kept going with it more than I have in the past. My Wife is fully understanding, so I am very lucky, so that is not a problem. We went along to a Trans Pride show last month and spoke… Read more »

Patricia Marie Allen
Lady

Passing is over rated. “I Yam What I Yam & Dats What I Yam!.” Popeye the Sailor-man. I think we all have, at one time, struggled with the passing issue. We buy into the Hollywood image of what women should look like. You know, five foot two and eyes of blue. Beyond that one hundred twenty pounds, 36, 26, 36 and gorgeous hair, shapely calves, delicate hands, high cheekbones, arched eyebrows and plump, sexy lips. Well in the real world of genetic women, it just ain’t so. In my observation, most women come it two categories; those who think they… Read more »

Myli Embers
Guest
Myli Embers

Very good article, I have felt hoplessnes in the past concerning whether I’ll ever look even half as good as others. With time I realized its better to just focus on having fun with what you have and loving how the clothes looks and feels on you. Nobody is perfect but we can do our best to feel great.

Myli Embers
Guest
Myli Embers

Very good article, I have felt hoplessness in the past concerning whether I’ll ever look even half as good as others. With time I realized its better to just focus on having fun with what you have and loving how the clothes looks and feels on you. Nobody is perfect but we can do our best to feel great.

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