We all want the world to hurry up and advance far enough so it recognizes that each of us, regardless of how we present or express our “inner persona,” is worthy of respect and kindness. I think it needs to begin within our own circle of friends and acquaintances. I read something a while back, (and fortunately saved it as I couldn’t locate it again on the internet.) It’s a story simply titled “Why.” I think its message is both heart-rending and thought-provoking; I present it here as a challenge to us all. I have a few more comments to share below it:
“Why?”
Submitted by efindumb on Tue, 2016/02/09 – 12:46am
It was a rare chance to spend time with my niece and nephew at the park. The two ran ahead and met up with friends while I held back to observe. What I heard shocked me. What I saw frightened me. What I did will forever live in their memory.
The group of 14 year olds confronted a young lady. She was simply sitting on a bench reading but the group descended upon her. “Fag” “Sissy” “Queer” “Homo” were being flung around among the group.
She ignored them and continued reading but then one of the group grabbed her arms. Another grabbed her legs. A third grabbed her hair. She was screaming for help and people just stood around staring at her.
My own niece and nephew held back and were laughing at the poor girl. My own flesh and blood had done something I never believed was possible. They participated in an act of bullying and allowed this poor girl to be abused.
Looking at me they saw rage. I let out a loud and booming “JUST WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING TO THAT POOR GIRL!” The group scattered while my niece and nephew stayed put. They were caught and they knew it. They tried to justify their actions but no words came out.
One motion of my hands to signal them to be quiet stopped those words.
The poor girl was still crying. I did what I could to try to calm her. She looked up at me and asked me “why?” I told her the truth “because you didn’t do anything to deserve what happened to you.” She thanked me for my help and tried to leave. I asked that she stay put for a few minutes. She reluctantly agreed but told me she needed to go.
I turned to my niece and nephew and offered them one simple word: “Why?” Neither could answer. I asked again “Why?” They tried to find the reasoning but couldn’t. I asked a third time with force “Why?” They couldn’t answer.
I took the opportunity to set things right. In a calm voice I asked “do you know who she is?” They nodded explaining who she was and why she was dressed as a girl.
I asked “and is it not correct that until last summer you were friends with her?” They said yes.
I asked “then why if you are friends did you allow her to be brutally berated and attacked?” They told how she was constantly teased by everyone and the students did this all the time.
I asked “why?” They admitted “because she is becoming a girl.”
I asked “why?” They mumbled that they didn’t know.
I asked “did you ask her?” They admitted they haven’t spoken with her since her change started.
I asked “why?” They admitted “anyone who does is teased mercilessly.”
I asked “why?” They admitted “because they don’t like her.”
I asked “why?” They admitted “because she is different.”
I turned the questioning around. I asked “did you like it when you were being teased because of your casts or your crutches?” They both answered “no.”
I asked them “so if you didn’t like getting teased then why did you do it?” They admitted “because we didn’t want to be different.”
I asked them “other than becoming a girl has she changed?” They both said no.
I asked them “If she hasn’t changed, has she done something to deserve being ignored? Is she annoying or verbally abusive or make crude jokes?” They both said no.
I asked them “so if she hasn’t changed who she is, she hasn’t done anything to be ignored, and only changed her outward appearance then why?” The both mumbled “I don’t know.”
I asked one last question “if you were in her shoes, would you want people who liked you, who were your friends, who got along with you to stand back and do nothing?” They said “no we would want them to help us.”
I asked “why?”
They both looked at her and saw what I meant. I told them “she deserves an apology. You were raised better than this. Popularity or not your friends are your friends regardless of how they look.”
I watched as the two offered apologies. She cried as they did so, looking at me with joy.
She got up and walked over to me and asked me simply “why?” I told her “why not?”
What a powerful lesson taught to these children; far better than simply not being rude or abusive himself. He stood up for her, and then he took the time to not only comfort the girl who was being bullied, but to teach two lessons—one to his niece and nephew about what friendship SHOULD mean and another to the girl being victimized. There ARE people who stand up for others; not just being complacent and not participating but purposely intervening to help someone in trouble. Fortunately, I have a friend who DOES see that I am the SAME person regardless of what outer shell I inhabit. I know because he has shown me by both his words and his actions—that though he doesn’t understand WHY I need to express the Cyn that had been hidden for so long, he knows that it hasn’t changed who I am at my core.
Here at Crossdresser Heaven, we have a home and friends who accept us just as we are, and for that I thank Vanessa, our site founder, for creating this amazing place where there is nothing but love and acceptance. While our lives all have peaks and valleys, we know we have each other here. Although we may or may not always have the support of those in our lives, we still are never alone. I think the song below captures that sentiment well and the title is truer than ever “You’ll NEVER Walk Alone!”
You’ll Never Walk Alone
When you walk through a storm
Hold your head up high
And don’t be afraid of the dark
At the end of a storm
There’s a golden sky
And the sweet silver song of a lark
Walk on through the wind
Walk on through the rain
Though your dreams be tossed and blown
Walk on, walk on
With hope in your heart
And you’ll never walk alone
You’ll never walk alone
Walk on, walk on
With hope in your heart
And you’ll never walk alone
You’ll never walk alone
Songwriters: Oscar Hammerstein II / Richard Rodgers
You’ll Never Walk Alone lyrics © Imagem Music Inc
(*the above lyrics and story were reprinted to add poignancy to the introspective points contained within the article.)
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Hi Cynthia, Well said! You look fabulous!
You are far too kind but thank you.
Beautiful girl!
Thanks Sapphire!
I’m speechless beautiful words . What you have said should be said to all that need to know of the true values found in each person. An understanding, a respect and most important acceptance in who they are to others to themselves and those full of ignorance who is in need to be guided, taught with values that they seem are missing.
Cynitha well said…
Stephanie….
I’d like to think that I would have done at least some of what the father in the story did. But all I can do is try to do the right thing at every opportunity in life. I always want to be known as someone who stands by my friends in good times and difficult times. I have had as i wrote above some very accepting friends who treat me no differently after knowing about Cyn and in some cases telling me they admire me for having the courage to be who I am. I fall short of always standing… Read more »
Thanks for this Cynthia and so grateful that person was there. I do hope that their niece and nephew will now have the strength to restore friendship with the girl and others will follow – why not?
Of course, being different is never an excuse or reason in answer to why. No two people are ever the same. Loving others as yourself is why as so eloquently espoused.
Cyn,
That was a wonderful story; but also a reminder that we are living in a society where most people refuse to stand against bullying…and that needs to change.
BTW, that’s a beautiful pic of you.
Lovely Cyn
Cyn, Thank you for sharing this story. We need to stand up for each other and for those in trouble. I believe that we have all experienced different levels of bullying over the years for being who we are. It has effected each and everyone of us in different ways and always will be with us. We should always support and help each other and those in need. CDH has been a safe haven and God send to me. I have never experienced so much support and everyone is so positive and willing to help. Thank you to all of… Read more »
wow that was great you came in and stopped it, for the girl did nothing to no one but read a book and leave every one alone. why do people have to be this way? some one needs to correct the younger generation. and thanks to you , you started to correct it. its a shame that people do not except x dressers, we are not sissies, gay, queer, fag or what ever people what to call x dressers. we are human beings that just don’t like our self’s as we were born, so we change it. woman wear manly… Read more »
Thank you for your words Lucinda but I must not take credit for the actions of the person-it was a story I read-I was just struck by the piece and felt that its message needed to be heard and shared. I THINK I’d have done the same under similar circumstances but I can’t and won’t take credit for another’s actions. I took it as a challenge to myself to live up to the ideal so well illustrated by the narrator of that piece.
Cyn
thank you for letting me know but it was a great story that you read back in years. it goes to show you what people will and will not do! i would stand up for the person that is being picked on. i don’t take s— for no one. i am the type to stop a fight or stand up for that person. there is a lot of rude and inconsiderate people in this world that need a can of wip a–. drivers a another one can;t drive get off the road. but that was a great post you put… Read more »
I hope that you do not mind, I know I should have asked before I copied this and pasted it on FB, But this just so touched me that I did and now I am asking you if it was ok. I did not take credit for it in any way, or post your name. I said that it was from a site I belong to on the web. I just felt that this story was so strong that it needs to be spread as much as possible. Again, I know I should have asked first. Paula
Not a problem-as I said it was a story(not an original by me) that I read three years ago and had posted in the forums back then but a lot of people had joined who hadn’t read it so I added a bit of commentary and posted as an article to spread the message among a wider audience. I never mind my OWN writings being shared either (I like to know so I can get feedback on my original stuff-comments are a writer’s lifeblood. If you wanna read other stuff (that I actually wrote all of it ) go to… Read more »
What beautiful story. It reminds me of the quote, “All it takes for evil to triumph is for good people to do nothing.” We a charged by our creator to mourn with those who mourn and stand up for the oppressed not to stand on the sidelines or follow the crowd