My journey of self-discovery started so long ago that I can’t even remember its beginning. It could mean that my feminine feelings and desires were baked in at the start. The phases I’ve gone through parallelled what I’ve read and seen from other women like me. My interest in girls’ things goes back to childhood, the feminine feelings throughout my adolescent and teen years (in varying intensity,) thinking I had outgrown it, thinking I had “Married it away,” only to have it come back, to trying on my wife’s clothing, buying my own things, eventually to coming out to my wife and gaining her acceptance, and the end?

Well not so fast, it seems that with every milestone I reach, I immediately start thinking of what’s next and how to push the envelope a little further. In the beginning, I dressed at home alone, and then later with my wife’s help. She helped me with clothes, makeup, accessories, pretty much everything. I needed a lot of help because my instincts were so bad. Being a typical trans woman, I tended toward dresses or skirts that were too short, lips that were too red, my hair being too long, too curly, or too blonde.

Fortunately for me, my wife was there to correct and redirect me when needed. Over the next year, my clothes became more age-appropriate, my makeup more practiced, and my mannerisms more feminine. Dressing at home with my wife became comfortable; to the point that I knew it didn’t bother her. I could even tell she was enjoying it more and more until one day she told me, “I like you better this way.”

My wife has always been a little bossy or directive, so I went with the flow, at least while I was dressed. For example, if her clothes were in the dryer, and I needed to use it (or even if I didn’t,) I would hang, fold, and put her clothes away for her. If our room was a little messy, I would straighten everything up while she was out. Whenever I dressed, I would find something to do that I knew she would like and would also save her from having to do it.

Maybe this was a bit manipulative, but I wanted her to associate my feminine side with being something positive for her. This seemed to satisfy me for about a year until the urge to go out started to hit me. Like a lot of girls, my first outing was to the gas station to fill up (how brave?) The next outing was the Wendy’s drive-through. I finally worked up the courage to go into a Walgreens, making sure it was one in a different part of the city. It took place during the pandemic when I wore a mask along with my dress and heels. I remember walking through the front door, my purse slung over my shoulder just as I practiced many times at home. I expected the Earth to spin off its axis, but nothing happened. Nothing except me picking out some lipstick, and standing in line to pay for it, and then getting back in my car.

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Over the following weeks and months, I took every opportunity to get out. Sometimes, I would go in, and other times I chickened out, leaving without even getting out of my car. I started choosing my spots, such as TJ Maxx or CVS, usually going in the evenings about 30 minutes before closing time when virtually no one were in the store. Gradually, I began to go earlier when there were more people. I made it a point to buy something (even if I didn’t need it) just to stand in line with the rest of the women and pay. It may seem like small steps, but to me they represented progress.

In August of 2021, I started attending an affirming church. To my amazement, there were several in my area (Jackson, Mississippi). From the moment I walked through the door, my life changed for the better. In addition to the membership, which is 95% LGBTQIA+, I became connected to PFLAG, Capital City Pride, The Trans Program, and an organization where I can volunteer as a woman.

During these “Outings” what stood out the most was how no one seemed to care, even that no one seemed to notice. Over the last couple of years, I’ve been going pretty much anywhere, any time of day. Recently, I went to our neighborhood grocery store at 9:00 in the morning. Also, I’ve started asking my wife to make shopping lists, so I don’t rush in and rush out. It takes me a while to find what she wants, giving me time to search up and down the aisles. Once I have everything on her list, I select the longest line so that it takes longer to check out.

Just this morning, I was dressed and running some errands when my wife texted to tell me she had a prescription at CVS to pick up. “Why not?” I marched in, went to the pharmacy, and walked out with her prescription.

Just remember girls, it takes time to undo a lifetime of conditioning. We’ve all been taught that boys don’t wear dresses or makeup or other typically female items. Well, yes they do, yes we do, and yes I do.

My most enjoyable times are spent as a woman, especially with my wife as two women. Everything feminine makes me so happy; it’s hard to explain. So I’ll keep dressing, and I hope all of you will, too. Please ask me anything, I always love chatting with my girlfriends.

EnFemme

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Erika Bell
Duchess
Active Member
1 month ago

Very nice article Suzanne. You paint a pretty picture. I love the variety of pathways possible on this journey of feminine discovery. I’m absolutely with you on having to we condition the mind to accept the true nature of our being. Also, on making our wives lives easy now that they too are in a new state of mind. However, this nonsense about wanting to be in the longest line. Haha girl I couldnt fathom that desire. I despise the grocery store and want nothing to do with its aisles and lanes. Just kidding around. This is a great read… Read more »

Last edited 1 month ago by Erika Bell
Rochelle Mundy
Duchess
1 month ago

What happens if you had a bad first time up how do you get over it

Harriette
Lady
Active Member
1 month ago
Reply to  Rochelle Mundy

@Rochelle Mundy You pick yourself up, analyse what happened that bugged you, and then you plan your next outing. That one should go better if you properly addressed any problems. If not, then start at step one again.
Welcome to CDH, Michelle / Rochelle!

Charlene Victoria
Lady
Active Member
1 month ago

An excellent article Suzanne; very upbeat and encouraging. Thank you.
I look forward to making your achievements as a lady my own someday in the not too distant future. Your experience, shared here is almost like a how-to manual.
Charlene

BriannaLeah Powers
Active Member
1 month ago

Hi there and good on you for having so much fun. I’m envious. In the last year I’ve really started to branch out where I thought I never would. One thing that I always wonder about is “dressing age appropriately". I’ve had discussions with other girls here about that. The conclusion we seem to come up with is dress the way you feel. If I dressed typically for my age I wouldn’t want anyone to see me. I wouldn’t want to see me. So I dress way younger. Some might accuse me of trying to look like a hooker and… Read more »

Natalie Gay
Lady
Member
18 days ago

@Suzanne Jeffries I’m in my 70s, and I definitely do NOT dress that old.

Natalie Gay
Lady
Member
11 days ago

@Suzanne Jeffries Suzanne, if you truly do not like your guy self, and he seems to have few or no redeeming qualities, that could be a sign of one of two things…. 1 Low self esteem, or 2 It may be time to think about transitioning, especially if you’re only happy as a gal. I was both. I still work on 1. But living as a female has made me so much more well adjusted, I still have problems, but I deal with them more effectively, and no longer sweep them under a rug by getting drunk. One thing that… Read more »

Megan Suravlas
Duchess
Member
1 month ago

I truly don’t care what people think.I dress everyday and go out shopping,groceries,etc.Am I passable?I hope so,but if not I don’t care.I don’t need anyone’s approval or satisfaction.Just live your life is my best advice.Im not a fan of all this pride stuff being shoved down peoples throats.Again,just live your life.People have their mind made up and it’s not going to change.Im not in any position to tell others what to think and they must agree with me.

Megan Suravlas
Duchess
Member
1 month ago

Thank you,I really don’t think I’m passable.I have my moments for sure.

Alice Black
Duchess
Active Member
1 month ago
Reply to  Megan Suravlas

I agree with Suzanne. You look very womanly in your appearance.

Vera
Vera
1 month ago

Thank you so much for your story .

Natalie Gay
Lady
Member
1 month ago

Your wife is a rare treasure! Keep her.

Alice Black
Duchess
Active Member
1 month ago
Reply to  Natalie Gay

You are very lucky. My wife barely tolerates and I have to limit my activities to her sleeping hours(which fortunately are long).

Vera
Member
Vera
1 month ago

I see you are so right , we need to Overcome Programming at some point and love our herself and so many older and senior girls are now coming out for good and peace of mind to feel Complete and Comfortable .

Polly Jocelyn
Lady
Active Member
1 month ago

Nice article, slowly building the story from early steps to confidence. Do we still have to pass as literal women, I wonder, if there is really acceptance of cross-dressing nowadays? I suppose we do, though it would be good not to fear an ‘outing’.

Alice Black
Duchess
Active Member
1 month ago

Enjoyed reading your article Suzanne, Very well written.

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