I sat across the desk of my CEO, a 265-pound pro body builder and company owner who I worked for. I extended a shaky hand offering my phone, revealing an image of Char to him for very the first time. He gazed at the image for a minute without flinching, handed the phone back to me with a smile and casually said ‘I can support this, just own it’
Just own it?
What does that even mean? Several years later and I believe I have an answer to that question.
The steps to Owning it come in three stages of growth:
Stage 1 – Denial. Being able to stop the denial and resist what is continually trying to emerge from deep within. I have purged the closet several times over the years, as many of us have or continue to do.
It’s like trying to hold a big beach ball under water on a windy day with one hand and no easy task. That something trying to emerge has been trying to surface ever since I could chew. I had purged a few times in the past and was familiar with the resurgence of desire, forever returning. Some months after I had purged almost everything, except one pair of skinny jeans a top, Char eventually succeeded in emerging. The jeans and top had been tucked away deep in the abyss a drawer, just in case.
Stage 2 – Acceptance: This is the point where I chose to own it. Shortly after I started purchasing clothes, make up, and shoes again.
Char was a part of my soul trying to express itself. Acceptance began to allowed the harsh suffering to subside. I wasn’t constantly having suicidal thoughts and hating the reflection in the mirror. I accepted that this was not going away or a phase I would grow through and out of eventually. In fact, the more I consciously chose to say kind things to the girl in the mirror, the more I began to like her, bringing me to the next state.
Stage 3 – Owning it: The true power came from acceptance, my soul’s desire to truly embrace Char. Embracing, in the words of Fern Gully ‘help it grow’. Taking part, intentionally and consciously, in the fullest expression of my soul’s desire. Mirror talk is far more powerful when I as questions such as:
- What do you need today Char?
- What do you want most today?
- How can I help you grow today?
Char always answers with a quiet voice, a feeling or a nudge in one direction or another.
Embracing is leaning into the emergence of beautiful you. A state of mind, where we know that we are simply playing a character from a deep desire within, who is attempting to be seen, heard and known. One who loves and wants to be loved.
This week as you Reset, observe where you are resisting, repressing and holding back your own growth. Allow that part of you to emerge, allows more freedom from suffering and victim consciousness, but is still a defensive mechanism. Embracing is gifting yourself the best ever support. It’s intentionally creating the best conditions where and when we can, to safely support the full and authentic emergence of beautiful you.
Becoming our authentic self and embracing this part of us will create the greatest of all human experiences; feelings of satisfaction, happiness, courage, self-esteem and self-love.
Thank you for reading Your Weekly Reset and thank you for being exactly who you are girl!
Namaste
Char
ORIGINAL
I sat across the desk from the CEO of the company I worked for at the time. I was nervously extending my shaky hand with an image of char on my cell phone screen showing her to this 265 pound, pro body builder and company owner, for the first time.
He gazed at the image for a minute, then handed me back the phone. “I can support this; just own it” he said smiling.
Own it? I thought, what does that even mean? That was several years ago and now, I think I have an answer to my question.
Owning it has 3 stages of growth to move through.
First, owning it means to stop the denial and resistance to what is trying to emerge from deep within. I have purged the closet several times over the years as many of us have or even are at present.
Its like trying to hold a big beach ball under water on a windy day with one hand; it is no easy task. What is emerging now has been trying to since I could chew basically. I remember one day months after I had purged everything I had of Char’s emergence, everything except one pair of skinny jeans and one top. Both items were tucked away deep in the abyss of one of my drawers, just in case.
I had purged a few times in the past, so I was familiar with the resurgence of “desire” after extended time gaps, and, it came around again. This time several months had passed with no desire to dress, then one day I found myself rummaging through closet and drawers looking for the outfit.
Shortly after I started purchasing again; clothes, make up, shoes and this time I chose stage two of owning it; acceptance.
Once I stopped denying and started accepting that Char was a part of my soul trying to express itself, the harsh suffering began to subside for me. I wasn’t constantly thinking suicidal thoughts and hating the reflection in the mirror. I accepted that this was not going away; it was not a phase I would grow through and out of eventually and in fact, the more I consciously chose to say kind things to the girl in the mirror, the more I began to like her. This brings us to stage 3 of owning it.
Stage three is a mighty difference. It is the difference between accepting this aspect of my soul’s desire to truly embracing it. Embracing means to, in the words of “Fern Gully”, help it grow. Taking part intentionally and consciously in the fullest expression of my soul’s desire. The mirror talk is far more powerful when I ask things like, what do you need today Char? What do you want most today? How can I help you grow today? Char always answers with a quiet voice, a feeling or a nudge in one direction or another.
Embracing is leaning into the emergence of beautiful you. The state of mind where we know that we are simply playing a character and that we are creating this character from a deep desire from within. The desire of a character who is attempting to be seen, heard and known. A character who loves and wants to be loved.
This week, as you Reset, observe where you are resisting, repressing and holding back your own expansion. Resistance causes suffering. Allowing this part of you to emerge creates more freedom from suffering and victim consciousness but its still a defensive play. Embracing is gifting yourself the best, ever, support. It’s intentionally creating the best conditions we can, as we can, safely, in support the full authentic emergence of beautiful you.
Becoming our authentic self, embracing this part of us that is emerging will create feelings of satisfaction, happiness, courage, self-esteem and self-love, the greatest of all human experiences.
Thank you for reading Your Weekly Reset and thank you for being exactly who you are girl!
Namaste’
Char
More Articles by Char
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Latest posts by Char (see all)
- Happy Holidays? - December 20, 2021
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Thank you so much for this Char! <3 It resonated so much with me
Wrap those inner arms around you Eva and hug her heart until it’s full of love, yummmmy 😉 Namaste’ dear
n huggles of course
Char
I love reading your articles Char. This one I found particularly relevant at this point in my life. Your other one about ‘Stop Resisting the Resistance’ got me though another situation.
Great work!
~K
and THAT is what fills my heart Kristy, thank you for saying and feel free to ask questions, here or in pm and I will do my very best to help all I can dear.
Thank you for being exactly who you are Kritsy
Namaste’
n huggles
Char
I met a lovely lady one evening, who rapidly became a soul sister.
As we parted company, she looked at me and simply said “It was lovely to meet you, but you need to own Laura."
I am still trying to figure out how to do that, but at least I have a great goal to focus on!
“Owning" really resonates with me, so I am owning this. This life, this everything – and hopefully I will become a better owner as time goes on!
Love Laura
no hoping about it dear, you are well on your way even as we speak.
Owning is a two step process, accept, and embrace 😉 hehe okay, now that’s another article; thank you for that 🙂 watch for it in the coming weeks Laura, you owner you!
Namaste’
n huggles
Char
For me denial was from childhood through my early 40s, Acceptance was from then until about two years ago. Owning it? well I’m not quite there yet but working at it. Perhaps I can admit I am “renting to own" at least! I’m still not out 24/7 but Cyn is definitely at least a tiny bit visible even in stealth mode at work and league pool. And I have no problems driving, flying, visiting store etc. in full Cyn mode.
Cyn
hehe yeah, I think I stepped out of denial in my early 20’s and into accepting,,secretly,,and with a big bag of shame and guilt stuck to it. Mid 20’s, crisis, back into denial and purging, rinse and repeat a few more times. Then, a slower step into accepting but with less shame and guilt. Then the ever so slow expansion into yes, rent to own is awesome!! hahaha thank you for that Cyn haha, owning was relatively easy comparatively speaking haha supporting Char’s expansion has been a steep hill at times, but really very satisfying and rewarding because each step… Read more »
Hi Char, How does one balance the need to embrace one’s authentic self with the need to respect the wishes of a knowing but unsupportive spouse? If one focuses too much on being authentic, does that not come across as a bit selfish to the spouse? And if one focuses too much on bowing to the wishes of one’s spouse, does that not lead to a bit of depression? I find myself continually juggling these two needs and at minimum find myself being a bit dizzy at times from all that juggling. Always enjoy reading your articles, Thanks for sharing,… Read more »