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by dianecrow
in

The day after Thanksgiving, my mother and I went clothes shopping. It was a small thrift store, and when we arrived everything was half off. She and I had the most wonderful and magical experience shopping for clothes for each other. I would try on dresses and she would comment on which ones work best for me and she would try on dresses and we did the same and it was just delightful. She reminded me that when I was a young boy, because I had such a tiny waist and big behind I had to get my jeans from the girl section and she would take me back over to the boys section so I could try them on. I felt like we had seen everything there was to see in the store, but as we were about to leave, there was a small circular rack at the window, and all that rock there was this gorgeous Burnt velvet Tahari dress with the tags still on it. I saw that the original price was $50 so the price would be $25 today. I said oh I’m not gonna spend that much on that dress and put it back. My mom said you really should go try it on . And when I did, I almost cried. It was such an elegant and beautiful dress, and fit me so perfectly. I cannot express to you enough how much that shopping experience meant to me. Just today, in fact, I asked her, “ do you think you’ve gotten used to calling me your daughter yet?” and she said.” here take this Kleenex, and clean up that little bit of lipstick on the edge of your lips.” and then, in the same breath included.” most of the time every once in a while I’ll slip up and call you he.” it was such an ironic and beautiful moment between mother and daughter formally son.

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Diane Crow

As I think back on my life, in my youngest days I loved looking at my moms Glamor mags and the Sears and Roebuck catalog looking at the cloths, shoes and undergarments. I loved the style and design. I would even try on my moms panty hose. Over the years on occasion I would try on one of my wife’s dresses when home alone. As a photographer I was ask to photograph an lgbtq event and while I was in my ubiquitous photographers black on black pants and shirts. Everyone else in the place was in fabulous costumes and outfits. They were beautiful and so much fun. This year the event was in February and in October I decided that I would go in femme! My wife (who is super conservative and freeked out by anyone different) was gone for 3 weeks. So just me and the dog. I decided then and there that I was going all out. I went to see Phebe Cross here in Georgia, who works with the lady’s to dress them and style them and put makeup on them. It was a wonderful experience! I never felt so complemented in a genuine way. I felt for the first time in my life, beautiful. Phebe even gave me one of the outfits she dressed me in because it fit me so perfectly. I recognized that everyone really, man or woman, wants to or wishes they could be seen and feel beautiful. Who wouldn’t? I told my wife and grown girls that I went through that process to prepare for the event and shared with them the photo’s with mixed results. My girls were ok with it but my wife did not like it at all. I focused on loosing weight so I would look as good as I could in Feb. I went to Goodwill and would buy heals but was to embarrassed to try them on in the store so I would buy them, take them home and try them on and if they did not fit I would return them. I finally went to DSW and asked them to help me. They were fantastic! I found a pair of heals that fit me right and wore them out of the store. I went to the bank in them and I swear no one even noticed. I loved what wearing heals did for my posture. I would wear them around the house all day and worked on my walk. I ordered wigs and dresses on line and could not wait for them to come in to try on. I would wear night gowns to bed and shaved my body from head to toe. I loved the way my smooth skin felt. I remember thinking that if men would just shave there body there would be less violence and wars. My first experience doing my own make up was terrible. My wigs looked bad on me. But I finally found a wig that fit my face properly. When my wife got home after 3 weeks away she saw several dresses in my closet and went off on it. “You have women’s dresses in your closet!) I said “Those are not women’s dresses. Those are my dresses”. Those dresses are still in my closet but all the other stuff is hidden away. So the night of the event came and my wife chose to leave the house to shop but I am sure she did not want to see me prepare for the event. I got showered shaved and dressed up and headed for Sephora. I had to valet my car and in walking to the store no one even gave me a second look. I told them it was my first time out in femme and they were amazing. The makeup job was great and a ton of fun. Again not a single person in the store, women or boyfriends gave me a second look. I then went to the event and it could have not been more affirming for me. People who I have known for years did not recognize me but when I spoke to them and told them it was me. The response was wonderful. There was a woman who identifies as a lesbian approach me to tell me how great I looked and that she would totally date me!! I shot that entire event in 4 inch heels and had a fantastic time doing it!! I felt amazing! When I got home however, my wife came to see me and just stared. I said aren’t you going to say something? “What is there to say”? I said “I don’t know maybe you look great?” Nothing, she just went upstairs and has not mentioned it at all. I still keep those few dresses in my closet. But I now have probably 20 pair of shoes and I don’t know how many dresses and outfits that I keep hidden away. I only get dressed up when I know my wife will be gone. I still shave my legs every other day and my underarms and man bits daily. I put lotion on my legs and moisturizer on my face after every shower. My nails look great, and I am getting better about my makeup. In spite of my wife and her absolute objection to my experience, I have talked to her about what a wonderful experience it was for me and the never before level of self-care I am giving myself. I am very proud of my femme side. I share the photos with everyone I know. Not embarrassed at all to shop. Yesterday I went to Goodwill, mask on of course, and bought a dozen dresses, pants and tops. I was so happy to be doing it and did not feel the least bit conspectus or embarrassed in any way. I will sit down and try on heels and not think twice about it. So I am very proud to be exploring my fem side. I know this is a long story but thank you for giving me an opportunity to express it. UPDATE: I have been living as my true female self full time for the last 2 ish years and loving it! I've been on hormones for the last 10 months and have beautiful b cup breast. I've not worn breast forms in 6 months!!! The Atlanta Jewish Times did an article on me titled " Photographer Finds True Self" I am proud to say that I did not lose a single client or friend! Tells me I had the right clients and friends! I am living my very best life so far and intend to keep on that trajectory. I have had my own show "The Diane Crow Show" on my Facebook page and am the Co-host of The Gayly Dose. You can see that show on YouTube or anywhere you watch or listen to your podcast.

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Peggy Sue Williams
Duchess
Famed Member
1 year ago

Hi Diane!

Thank you for sharing that precious time you spent with your mother this holiday season, and it relates very closely to a topic which was just discussed in the CDH
forums. It is clear that you have accepted yourself for who you really are, and you
are now enjoying life.

Merry Christmas!

Jill Marshall
Duchess
Active Member
1 year ago

Hi Diane,
That’s a lovely story and you have a lovely dress to remember it by!
It always makes me happy when I read the stories that go along with your pictures. Hope you are having a wonderful holiday-
Jill

Linda mm Magliore
Lady
Trusted Member
1 year ago

What a wonderful relationship you have with your mother. Very happy for the both of you.

Roberta Broussard
Duchess
Noble Member
1 year ago

Lovely story Diane, thanks for sharing it. I wish i still had my mother. She would have been the first person I would have come out to. we had such a close relationship.

Sabrina (Brina) MacTavish
Managing Editor
Noble Member

wonderful story! The dress is “Oh, so, elegant!”

Rozalyn Richards
Lady
Trusted Member
1 year ago

You look truly amazing Diane, I love the dress your wearing it’s fabulous, good luck for the future I’m sure in time all your mom will see is what a beautiful daughter she has X
Hugs and kisses for the new year Rozalyn X

Hope Roberts
Baroness
Active Member
1 year ago

You look beautiful poised and happy Diane! So glad you could share that time with your mother❤️

Melody Scott
Lady
Active Member
1 year ago

A beautiful photo that befits a beautiful story! Thank you Diane. Hope you have a wonderful holiday!

Jennifer McCrennaugh
Lady
Member

What a beautiful dress and an even more beautiful story. Thank you so much for sharing.
-Jen

Deborah Sullivan
Lady
Trusted Member
1 year ago

what a magical time it must have been.

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