I've been crossdressing on and off most of my life but have come out to very few, and with mixed reaction, so have been cautious in sharing. I enjoy my male persona, its trappings and style and wouldn't want to give it up totally. So why I revel in my female side is a bit of a mystery, but it feels good and doesn't hurt others, and if I'm discreet so as not to "upset" social "norms", why not? When I've been in a close relationship, which have all been heterosexual, haven't had as much urge to go to my feminine side, but have been without a partner for quite a few years and when the pandemic hit, exploration of my feminine side became more regular and intense... the woman in my life has become me! It's a challenge immersing myself in the feminine... clothes, makeup, attitude ... if I do something I want to be "authentic" . it takes practice and a certain relaxation, a "giving in", which I think is why it attracts me. Again, I like the "high" of my male intense drive and what that brings, but also the clam and reverie of what is my female fantasy (and certainly its a foolish fantasy to think calm and peaceful is all there is to being female, the totality of which I don't think I could handle... I just want the fun parts!) I also have to learn better how to take pictures of my fantasy as one can see by my photos... And does anyone know a makeup artist that caters to CDs in the Albany, NY area?