….....The CD in Me........ Hello everyone. My name is Joann. I'm a man but a fem at heart and love cross dressing. I've been doing it in earnest for about ten years now but it started long before that. Let me first say that I'm a married man in my mid 50s who has a very lovely wife and other than me wearing panties from time to time she does not know a thing about me cross dressing. I would love to be able to tell her and share my passion for dressing with her but knowing her as well as I do I know she wouldn't understand. I have completely shaven my body and even have my wife shave my back for me. My explanation to her for wanting to have my body shaven is just for the sake of it and she doesn't question my motives any further because I've always been a person that experiments sexually and otherwise. I enjoy keeping things interesting by always trying new things and she's very much use to my constant desire to change things up so me wanting to keep my body hair free doesn't give her any cause for alarm and she has become accustom to me being that way. I experimented with cross dressing as far back as the age of 13. When no one was home I use to put on my mother's and sister's panties, griddles, bra's, and anything else I could get my hands on. I can remember it feeling so exciting and loving the feel of the silky, smooth material. From that point on I was hooked and have always enjoyed the feeling of wearing woman’s clothing. I think women are so lucky to be able to dress as they can. I love the feel of female clothing and how it feels against my skin. The feel of silky thigh highs on my legs is so exhilarating. Now for the last 10 years I have been working out of town away from my home on an extended long term basis where I have my own place. A temporary home away from home you might say and I only return home once a month for a three day weekend. So with that has come the freedom for me to take my desire to be fem a far as I desire. I was finally in a position to have all the privacy I wanted and I started going crazy with perusing my fem desires. I make a very good income so making purchases was never a problem which allowed me to buy whatever I wanted or felt I needed to enjoy being fem. I purchased a prosthetic vagina and breasts forms along with all the thing it takes to fully transform myself into the women that I always wanted to be. All the makeup, wigs, dresses, skirts, blows, panties, bras, thigh high stockings, padded hip and butt griddles and especially the high heels. I love wearing heels. I have bought allot of heels over the years and can walk very comfortably in 5” heels but I didn't start out that way. It was tough in the beginning starting with a short heel and working my way up to the 5” heels. I practiced walking in them every night after work. I have researched everything I can find on the web about being fem. How to walk, how to put make up and false eyelashes on which I might add is not as easy as it looks....lol....How a woman’s mannerisms and expressions are different from a mans. How to talk like a women. I have researched and practiced over and over everything a man needs to know about being fem. I made allot of mistakes in the beginning and I'm still learning all the time and striving to perfect every little detail to be as fem as I can be. It hasn't been easy by any means as I'm sure all of you realize. It's taken lots of will power and dedication as well as allot of practice to get it right so the fem in me is natural and simply second nature where I don't have to concentrate and can just be relaxed about my appearance. In the beginning of this wonderful period of time in my life and this fantastic journey I've been on there's been allot of trial and error. I have spent a fortune on all of these things especially makeup....lol....I've spent thousands of dollars on makeup alone just trying to find out what works for me and what doesn't. Oh and I fell in love with my prosthetic vagina and breast forms. I love my vagina so much I wear it all the time. Even when I go to work I wear it with panties under my regular male clothes. Once it's on it feels like it's part of me and the way I was meant to be. If only my coworkers knew that I had a pussy instead of a cock and balls under my pants....lol....It's the most wonderful feeling to be able to sit and pee like a women and still to this day touching my pussy gives me a rush every time I do it!! Also on the weekends when I'm not at work I can use the adhesive that I purchased with my breast form to glue them on to my chest. I remember the first time I put them on and got to feel what it was like to have female breast with beautiful light brown nipples and to be able to walk around nude in my place with my vagina and breasts. To go the whole weekend like that. To sleep and wake the next morning as a women. God it's an amazing feeling!! After a short period of time and allot of practice I got up the courage to go out in public in full dress. I started out experimenting by going to gas stations and stores like WalMart that stay open 24 hours. I would go in the middle of the night so I would only have to interact with a minimum number of people. I would get a stare or glance once in awhile but for the most part they never seemed to realize that I was anything but a women. My self confidence started growing every time I would go out and at this point I now feel completely comfortable going out to stores ,restaurants, and clubs with out a second though. I am by no means a raving beauty but I'm not that hard on the eyes either. As a matter of fact I've even gotten a couple of complements on my legs from a couple of guys at a club. That felt great and it's nice when a strange man holds the door for me. It really give me a warm feeling all over. I love going cloth and heel shopping and have never felt embarrassed about talking with a clerk or a sales person in any store I've ever been in. Not even when I shop for under garments dressed in my male clothing. I have always felt completely comfortable shopping. Most of the time the sales person is a women to begin with and they never given me any cause to feel uncomfortable. The way I see it, is that they are there to do their job and they don't dare make a customer feel uneasy so for me shopping for fem attire has never been an issue. So that's the story of my fem journey thus far as condensed as I can make it and it feels absolutely fantastic to finally be able to tell my story to like minded people. I'm very happy that I found this site and all of you that I can confide in. My only regret is that I don't have at least one close friend that I can share my fem side with. I so long to have a friend that I could go out shopping with or out for a bit to eat or maybe out for a few cocktails with. It would mean the world to me to have a close friend that knew and excepted me as Joann.