This is the final installment of my posts addressing the questions put to me by a beautiful friend here at Crossdresser Heaven. You can also read Pondering Life as a Crossdresser Part I and Part II. Tonight I summarise my thoughts and feelings about the things she raised..
When I stand in front of the mirror to apply my makeup I am in no doubt who I am. I know my 60 years have not necessarily been kind to my face, particularly since I only really started to look after it properly after I came out to my wife. I detest the word “passing” because I think it causes too much grief for those of us who have a distinctly masculine shape or appearance. Once you get your head around the idea that passing is as much a frame of mind as anything else then life gets easier. I doubt anyone who sees me as Jane thinks I’m a genetic female but the reactions I usually get are at worst a bit curious and at best outright respectful and polite. If you dress well and appropriately for your age, make a good effort with your makeup and then present with a display of happiness and confidence then things are more likely to go well. I do say ‘display of happiness and confidence’ because I know it can be easier said than done but after those first few tentative ventures out into ‘the wider world’ it does actually get easier.
Despite the fact that there are many similarities along the way each of us has out own path to tread. We can seek help and encouragement from others but in the end it is we as individuals who have to make the decisions about where our journey takes us. There is no ‘right’ destination. No outcome is ‘the’ outcome. What we should be looking for is the destination best for the ‘me’ in our lives.
My friends I believe that you should happy with who you are. You have all struggled in many ways to get to where you are now so enjoy the benefits of those efforts. Embrace everything about the wonderful person you’ve identified and let her be the guide to your journey from here. We here at CDH will be here for whatever help and encouragement we can provide. If something should go wrong when you’re out and about do not be discouraged. Nothing in life is 100% successful. Work out what happened, what you might have done differently and work from there. Just like for the good times, we’ll be here for the bad ones as well. That’s what friends do for each other.
Let me finish with an anecdote of my very first adventure in public. I went for a makeover weekend and had a wonderful time being made up and being helped to dress in all manner of outfits for some photos. At the end of the Saturday afternoon I was asked to choose an outfit I wanted to wear out to dinner. I was a bit stunned and instantly terrified of the concept. I saw a huge difference between being with a couple who knew and understood how I felt about being a CD (though just knocking on their door that morning was a bit step) to going with them out into the big bad world. After I expressed my fears they suggested that we’d just get a take-away meal but that I still had to go with them to pick it up. We got to the restaurant and my tummy was a mass of butterflies but just before we went into the restaurant I was told that if I really didn’t want to do it they were okay if I stayed in the car. By that point though I knew I’d hate myself if I didn’t go in so I told them I was fine.
Anyway I approached the restaurant expecting that everyone in there would see me come in, turn to stare and have a really good look and maybe a laugh. We opened the door, stepped in and… nothing. The other patrons went on about their meal, the girl behind the counter smiled and said a pleasant “Good evening” and we stood for a few moments while she fetched our order. She handed it over, we paid and I walked out carrying the meal. The sky had not fallen one tiny bit and in hindsight I was actually a bit disappointed that after I’d made so much effort to look nice no-one even noticed me beyond being just another person.
Ladies your feminine persona is a very important part of the world now so just let her enjoy life. You deserve it.