This thing (whatever crossdressing is to me) has been nothing but a burden. When combined with the added stress from all of the years I’ve been avoiding it, I’ve reached a point where I finally need to deal with it.

I have read many articles on ways to stop the urge to dress, but mostly found them to be sexist and ridiculous. A few come from a more religious view, damning someone worse for their clothing choices than murder, which just seems ludicrous. After reading through countless articles, I can honestly say that those that dress regularly seem far saner to me than those in denial (or at the very least they are happier.)

So here I am, about a year into this journey, and I haven’t done much of anything but worry myself sick. I ask myself countless questions without even looking for answers. Although I’m fairly new to this site, and I haven’t really been active, I have decided to reach out to all of you, this community.

I choose to remain anonymous and not explain my life, because that simply doesn’t matter… However, reaching out does matter in my personal search for answers (especially if the thought process I am sharing is relatable to anyone else in need of help.)

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I have a few supportive friends (including my roommates). The way I told my roommates (a male and a female) was almost more like issuing a warning. I told them individually that I’m not sure how far I’ll go, but I can’t stress myself out worrying about hiding everything (from small stuff like mail to more obvious things such as deciding to shave my legs).

I was fortunate in that both of they were very supportive and chose to recognize me as the friend I’ve been. They supported me by claiming that this doesn’t change anything. When I told them I would get it if they moved out, he laughed and she expressed sadness that I didn’t feel comfortable talking to her sooner.

This has reduced so many worries; I recommend to anyone wanting to experiment with anything to share it with your more accepting friends! They remind you error is part of “trial and error,” and that it’s OK to have some bumps along the way. I feel very lucky, but I think that’s just kind of how friendship works.

With all of my friends’ support, and my own determination, I have a huge problem… I haven’t really accepted myself. This is why I’m even writing this article. I have so many fears, a lack of information, and I am stuck in this state of ambivalence. So I ask all of you, a community full of wisdom that shares such similar experiences all based around the same topic… How do I proceed? What does it take to accept this aspect of yourself?

To get over my fears I want to just dive right in! This is a challenge, though…

-I haven’t dressed in several years, although the urges never stopped.

-I am poor, and I’m not willing to shop offline (yet).

-I have no confidence; I am scared.

-I am not sure of any preferences (or my size… I need a cheap way to figure out what I like and how things fit).

-I know nothing about style/fashion.

I don’t know where to start, and I am much too stubborn to borrow anything. My goal can be broken down into two things:

  1. A better sense of understanding as to how important, or what, crossdressing is to me.
  2. To learn how to have fun with it and not be so ashamed…

I have finally learned that this is something that doesn’t just go away. I’m not sure what other goals I need at the moment, how far my interests will take me, or even why I’m doing this. And yet… I have decided that I am doing this and it’s time to figure it all out. I appreciate any tips, or advice, and the time you’ve taken to read this.

(Also, I get the whole “take as much time as you need” thing. Honestly, though, if I don’t just jump in, nothing will change… Something has to change, and with as much caution as I’ve been taking, I don’t think I will be doing anything I’m uncomfortable with.)


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    Nameless One

    25... Starting to try to understand this part of me after 15 or so years of tormenting myself about it.

    Latest posts by Nameless One (see all)

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    4 years ago

    I thought I could quit crossdress also. And I did many many times. I got caught by my wife and told her I wouldn’t do it anymore. Time after time after time. So the last time I got caught I just said to her, honey, I love you and I’m the same person I was yesterday and the day before that and even the day we got married. Of course, she wasn’t aware I was underdressed until a little later that night. Her maid of honor knew I was a “little different” as I was growing up. (She lived next… Read more »

    Brandy Chatte
    Brandy Chatte
    4 years ago

    I have tried quiting countless times, the last time I purged all my clothes shoes, toys makeup everything… It lasted nearly a year and then the temptation just became to big, sad and angry and excited at the same time, now i miss my shoes and clothes and makeup, and battling to replace the items, especially the shoes, Oh how I miss my shoes….. What have I learned, it costs money to replace all the stuff every time you have a spate of feeling bad or whatever it is…. so now, where to, no idea, time will tell, maybe I… Read more »

    Missie Fem
    4 years ago

    If your female roommate is accepting ask her about helping you determine clothing size. Could be a lot of girl friends time. If your uncomfortable with that then go to amazon do a search for female clothes. Generally there will be a chart that uses body measurements to determine sizes. Pick a brand name product and not an Asian site. The later is not as reliable in US sizing ( runs a lot smaller). Once you have sizes try shopping at a second hand store to get clothes in you size. Point is to get a small select to see… Read more »

    4 years ago
    Reply to  Nameless One

    Nameless One, Like you I am relatively new to this site and how it works. Unlike you I am approaching the “sunset" of my life at age, as of April, 2019, 79. I have been a closeted crossdresser for the last 40 years of my life! I know just what you’re asking as the unjust guilt and shame we put on ourselves is hard to live with. How and why I resumed my feminine needs and passions is a story for another time and I’ve shared it many times around the web already. (I only use 2 femme names, Berta… Read more »

    Lucinda Hawkns
    Trusted Member
    4 years ago

    great post, i have dealt with my x dressing for many years hiding it. now in my 50s my wife found out and lets me dress up when our last adult child is not home. she still does not know why i dress up, neither do i i gave up wondering y? its part of me and that’s all that matters to me. i feel happy when i am dressed up as a female for lots of reason, panic attacks, depression, anxiety, stress. being the person i should of been when born. for i have a feminine figure. i have… Read more »

    Angela Kearney
    Active Member
    4 years ago

    Nameless one; I hope this helps: First, realize that you are on a journey that you did not choose. I can tell you that I did not choose to be a cross dresser. Basically, it chose me. Understanding that you are in a situation not of your choosing is freeing when you come to terms that is the case. Also, spend some time identify what power this gives me that other people don’t have? It gives me a greater appreciation for what hard work really goes into making someone’s outward appearance beautiful. It also has provided me the realization that… Read more »

    Jessica Rabbit
    4 years ago

    They say ‘change what you can and accept what you cant’ this would be one of the things that you can’t change, so embrace it. I tried fighting it for years and it didn’t work, glad you seem smarter then I was honey. I think most of our shame about this comes from old fashioned ideas and misunderstanding, but times are changing (at least it is here in the UK) . It wasn’t so long ago that homosexuality was a prisonable offence, and there was also a time that a woman who dressed in trousers would have been scandalous. Now… Read more »

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