woman_reflection

Have you followed Sophie’s journey from the beginning?  If not, be sure to read Part 1 and Part 2.

Over the course of the evening, my daughter and I spoke; we were finding common ground.  By the end of the night, we were in a much better place.  We were both able to laugh at each other again, something we aptly demonstrated the next day.  While we out shopping the next day, we crossed the road by some traffic lights.  As I ran across the road, I suddenly saw that I was distinctly running just like a woman, and it made me chuckle.  I told this to my daughter who laughed and said “yes, you did,” in agreement with my own observation.

I am happy to say the week that I spent with my daughter was very special.  I believe that we covered a lot of ground, and my daughter understands exactly who I am.  I also know what she needs from me and can cope with things if I visit again at Christmas.  I have no problems with that now.

My daughter has also been helpful in a way of which I had only hoped before my visit.  She is a qualified beautician, and is very good with makeup.  She gave me some mascara, a sponge applicator / blender for foundation, and a great eyeliner.  She also promised to send me a list of products that she recommends I try.  I am thinking that I may be glamorous when I visit at Christmas so I need to buy some pretty clothes too.

Before I end this story, I have to mention my ex-wife and the mother of my daughter.  I was completely surprised by how cool and fully accepting of me my ex-wife has been.  She was extremely supportive, and we talked a lot while I stayed with her, at the start and end of my visit.  During the later part of my visit, she gave one of her night dresses as I had not room to take any of Sophie’s clothing.  I was very touched by that and found a little comfort in that.

Despite the emotional ups and downs, my visit with my daughter has taught me much about who I am.  I have learned that my daughter really needs me to be a father in her life.  Though this may change in the years to come, it is true and important for the time being.  I had not expected to discover this, and it took me a while to adjust to the idea.  This visit has brought me to a new place in my life.  After some thought, I realised that while I may not have dressed as a woman for most of my life, I have been Sophie for longer than I gave myself credit.  This realisation has given me new strength, and turned what appeared to be a negative point in my life into a positive thought.

In closing, I would also like to share that the trip has inspired me to begin writing more songs. Writing songs is a very therapeutic process for me.  It allows me to get things out of my head and onto paper where I can absorb my words again and reflect on the whole picture. It’s really helpful.  At this time, I have written two songs inspired by my experience. The first is provisionally titled Bare My Soul and the second is So That’s What Love Is.  Both powerful stuff.  I will need to sing these songs a few times before I can get through each without falling apart – that is a key to development for me. I am discovering the depth of my new sensitive and emotional life as Sophie.

On a another note, what I have learned about myself has already helped me in other ways.  I have three months of cooking in a restaurant as a man this summer.  Before this trip, I was concerned how I would handle the limits that this responsibility would place on Sophie.   But I am happy to have found a way to get myself through these upcoming months.  No matter how I am dressed, I know that I am Sophie on the inside and that will not change.

 

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  1. Makamae 3 weeks ago

    Great story and thank you for sharing it.
    Lately I’ve come to realize that I have been Makamae all my life and no matter what my thoughts were (male or female), even my actions I was always Makamae. She is not someone i invented, she is and has always been me.
    So it doesnt matter what the outside looks like because your still who you are. Be fabulous.
    Makamae is me, not my alter ego.
    Thanks again for sharing…

  2. Melinda 4 weeks ago

    Im first in this website thank you all for the help

  3. Sarah Daniels 1 month ago

    The others have said much of what I would say Sophie.

    Be true to your self and be happy is all I can say.

    I hope to one day be able to sit and sip a wine with the others, while you sing your songs.

    Hugs Sarah.

    • Author
      Sophie Frenchie 1 month ago

      Sarah, It would give me immense pleasure if I could play all of you my songs in person.
      They are so very personal to me and are me to the core of my soul, heart on my sleeve stuff!
      Sophie xxx

  4. Kara Kelly 1 month ago

    I am so happy that this all worked out for you the way that it did.

  5. skippy1965(Cynthia) 1 month ago

    Sophie, what a touching story of the way love can overcome our apprehension about changes that initially make ourselves or those around us uncomfortable. As you know, I am in a situation with some similarities to yours. My daughter’s wedding is a mere 5 weeks away. While I am not yet certain of my final path I know that she is NOT currently in an emotional place to accept the Cyn parts of me-whether in dressing and presenting more publicly or whether I take further steps towards transitioning. And yet I don’t know whether I can wait as long as she might wish(forever? 🙂 ) before I let Cyn out of the chains she has been bound by or so long. I pray that eventually her tender heart and the love I know she feels for family can overcome her distaste or lack of understanding about those of us with souls that don’t always match up with the physical shell we inhabit. I know that however far I go in the long run, I am not retreating from the point I’ve reached in life already.

    Thank you for sharing your experience-it gives hope to all of us!

    Luv,
    Cyn

    • Author
      Sophie Frenchie 1 month ago

      Dear Cyn, thank so much for your kind words. What I wrote about was probably one of the hardest things I have had to do in my life. I am just relived that it ended in a nice way. Things have improved with my daughter and I hope that before long I may learn that she is ready to meet Sophie. I feel for you sweetheart and I wish you all the luck in the world. Sometimes we have to believe in ourselves and those closest to us and that maters will take the right course because of the love and connections that we have with our families. However, this is an unknown for us all and it does take courage to confront it.
      To all who desire to do the same, I offer my support and encouragement in spirit too. I am with you all in my heart
      Sophie xx

  6. Paula1 1 month ago

    Thank you for your article, I have two girls and a son that I am hoping to be able to come out to one day, you have given me the strength to be able to push myself a bit more after reading your story

  7. Rachel Rose 1 month ago

    I loved this article.

    • Author
      Sophie Frenchie 1 month ago

      Thank you so much Rachel.
      From the start this was just about me needing to write down what happened. My heart is warmed by the responses that all 3 parts have evoked.
      It is my therapy as are my songs
      And they all make me cry in the process, but I need to do this for myself
      xxx

  8. Nice to have you add a little more to the story Sophie. It sounds like you are in a good place with your daughter, yourself, and even your ex-wife.

    April

    • Melinda 4 weeks ago

      April you look pretty in that picture verry nice

  9. Eddy 1 month ago

    wonderful article as you have learned on this journey there are,, times when we need to be women enough to man up when our children need there father or our wife needs her husband we need to be strong enough in our women hood to man up for our; family and our self

    • Author
      Sophie Frenchie 1 month ago

      Dear Eddy, thank you for taking time to read my article. I am undeniably father of my daughter and was born a man. Most I am not so sure that I was fully a man. I have a son too and I have no regrets and have been lucky enough to have had my life enriched by two children. But the things I have written in this 3 part article are very much from my feminine persona. What I did, said and subsequently wrote about was out of pure love for my daughter. So while I fully understand your comment of “man up” – the thought of manning up is something long past my abilities and concept. I do understand my daughter’s needs, which are changing since I wrote this. She is coming to terms with who I am and has been supportive. I will continue to proceed with caution and love, listening to what she says and how she is dealing with this change in my life. I will not compromise her confidence in me or my love for her. I am confident that things will turn out just fine. Love is a very powerful driving force that can get us through the most horrific experiences, traumas and sadness in life. This doesn’t come close to any of those, so I remain positive and hopeful.

      • Eddy 1 month ago

        Dear Sophie I didn’t mean to offend you. Your story touched my heart. Even in our feminine persona we can be the strength they relie on. I wish you and your daughter all the best. Eddy

    • Author
      Sophie Frenchie 1 month ago

      Dear Eddy, I wasn’t offended at all sweetheart. I just wanted to get that point across. I am sure it is probably just where my head is at the moment. I am halfway between leaving behind my life as a man and arriving at spending the rest of my life as Sophie
      xxx

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