The “resistance” to our expansion is what we do in creating our own suffering because resistance causes friction.

There is a quote; “In life there are problems and challenges, but suffering is a choice.”

The first time I heard this, I winced and pulled back ready to defend the underdog who seemingly has no other choice but to endure their suffering.

Have you heard of Victor Frankl?  He was an Austrian psychologist as well as a Holocaust survivor. Or how about Nelson Mandela who served 27 years in an African prison before the conditions were right for his emergence into his vision.

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If either of them had resisted the conditions they were in, their suffering might well have been greatly exacerbated. Instead, they both did their best to remain focused on their vision and did what they could, as they could, to move toward it. Mohandas Gandhi was another hero who only expressed the experience of suffering from his own thoughts as he lay in self-imposed starvation for the emergence of his vision.

The challenges were huge at times, but the real suffering only occurs in the mind. Frankl quoted “Everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms—to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way.”

This is where our choice of roles or archetypes comes into play on this big stage we call earth. Here’s a famous statement.

“All the world is a stage, and all the men and women merely players; they have their exits and their entrances, and one man in his time plays many parts” …William Shakespeare.

To resist or suppress the role that you were born to play and consciously or unconsciously had chosen as a small child can create a lot of suffering.

Many people have accepted the role of victim as their default role. You will hear them complaining consistently about anything they can—the weather, their health, the neighbor next door, that wing-nut on television, the service at such n such. Victims love to blame anything and anyone for the drama they experience in their lives, and they refuse to accept responsibility for making the choices that created their outcomes.

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Anytime we choose to believe we are helpless to change our attitude, we are firmly seated in the role of victim, resisting our greatness, our purpose. Not Frankl, not Gandhi, and not Mandela suffered as victims throughout their extreme challenges; their attitudes remained focused.

Whatever you have chosen as the vehicle for serving your purpose, whatever role you have chosen, no matter what is happening in your life, do your best to remain focused on the vision and know that as long as you are moving toward it, it is moving toward you. And one day, you and your vision, the soul’s purpose, will meet in the middle.

There are many roles we can choose from; hero, victim, rescuer, pioneer, persecutor, creator, servant, and similar. I think you get the idea; Google it and choose the next role you’d like to try on, the one that serves your expansion and purpose as well as the greater good. By embracing the teacher within me and the gender fluid role of which I live, and after decades of resistance and suffering, I have gained far more than I can reasonably articulate in these articles, but I will always do my best to serve.

There truly are as many characters in life’s play as there are people on the planet. As children we are unwittingly plugged into certain roles based on cultural, religious, and family beliefs. Ideas taught to us (programmed into our mind through repetition) by the well-meaning caregivers of our young lives.

As parents, we all do our best to teach our children well, but we cannot give what we do not have to give. If we don’t know the skills we are missing, how can we teach what is needed to our children? And the same is true for a few generations back in our families. The sins of the fathers (and others) are visited on by the fourth and fifth generations.  The DNA and the beliefs we currently have came from those who have come before us and are passed down through the generations. These beliefs are only updated as we choose to “seek to understand” something new or different. To become curious as little children and learn.

This week, knowing that resistance creates suffering, you can begin to practice the life-skill of embracing what may appear broken in you and take one more step on your path to creating your amazing life; this will improve your own life and the lives within the generations to follow you.

Thank you for reading dear souls, and thank you for being exactly who you are! This is world change we are up to; keep on in kindness.


N huggles



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Dropping out of high school I began touring in the Canadian country music scene at age 17; clubs and soft seat venues, drummer/vocalist for 22 years. After 4 suicide attempts and heavy cocaine etc addiction issues, i decided to learn Self-Acceptance as apposed to self-hatred. I became a student of the Universe and an Instructor of Life Skills at a local College while operating a Private Coaching Practice. Currently, I am rebuilding the Life Coaching practice after a couple years of more personal work well under way. I am also creating online opportunities that will serve our world community…and our world in understanding how the learned life skills of Intentionally and Consciously Creating an Amazing Life have filled my life with Passion, Purpose and Prosperity and they can for you as well... Namaste'

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Kendra Woods
Active Member
4 years ago

Char, What a thoughtful, intelligent, and nicely-written article. Much of that you shared resonates within me. One additional thought I would add is that friction in our life can also lead to significant change; feeling discomfort (for short periods of time anyway) is a sign that something needs to change within us and often leads to significant growth. I agree 100% that self-induced misery does nothing but make us miserable and imprisoned in our own psyche. Change is inevitable and resisting it does not alter the outcome. To quote a line from one of my favorite movies (Bruce Almighty!), “Be… Read more »

Kristy Violet
4 years ago

Thank you so much for writing this Char. Your article is perfectly timed for where I’m at right now.
Hit me like a ton of bricks … in a good way. Exactly what I need to hear this morning…


Donna Allen
Donna Allen
4 years ago

Nicely said.

Nicole M
Nicole M
4 years ago

Hi Char,
Loved the piece you have written. I may have a go at putting some thoughts down soon.
It touched a few nerves in my psyche and understanding of how i see myself and deal with the challenges i have been facing in wanting to be Nicole more and even embrace being Nicole. Quite refreshing actually but then we do take different things from others outlook and experiences.
Thanks for sharing this and take care. xo Nicole

Tiffany Alexis
Tiffany Alexis
4 years ago

If more people had this attitude, this struggle would be over in a year, and we would never have to hide again. Very well stated Char.

skippy1965 Cynthia
Trusted Member
4 years ago

Char, As always you hit the nail on the head-attitude drives experience. We can get through the worst experiences in the world with a positive attitude (“the world is NOT going to hold me back or beat me down”) or we can be miserable despite extremely favorable circumstance by focusing on what we still DON’T have(“ even though I have had many advantages,OTHERS have it better than I do”). I wrote similar things in my last few articles this year. And regarding the effect we have on children and th future, I wrote about that in this post And… Read more »

Tracii Greene
4 years ago

I think a lot of people in the trans and CD world bring problems on themselves because they don’t like who/ what they are or they feel shame so they punish themselves over and over.
So many have this victim mentality and blame the world for their situation in life.
Some don’t realize they are the cause of a lot of their problems but not all.
We all have problems we have to deal with and that will always be a constant.

Tracii Greene
4 years ago
Reply to  Char

If you don’t love/respect yourself how can you expect others to return the favor. I have found you be nice to others and they will be nice right back to you. If you carry a negativity around you and you are always angry at others then that’s what you bring around you don’t blame others for what you do. I know everybody has their opinions about trans people or anyone for that matter but I try my best to be nice to everybody and I respect their opinions . The trans activist types I try to keep my distance from… Read more »

Tracii Greene
4 years ago
Reply to  Char

So right.

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