Resolutions…

It’s that special time of the year when we promise to be better (or less bad) than we were the year before. Kind of like Tim McGraw and his next 30 years. I thought it might be fun to look back at my life by decades and do a “He Said, She Said” compilation of resolutions come and gone. At the end, I will share a few of this year’s. I hope you will provide some of your own, as this shouldn’t be taken seriously… (mostly.) 😉

I wanted to mention also that I’ve recently been posting pictures of myself (Yes, new ones as it’s been a while since I have.) I’m hoping that my trend will inspire some of the other girls here to do something similar. I offer some insights on each one, hoping others might find a tidbit here and there to use themselves. I’m not the prettiest, best at makeup, fittest, most definitely not the youngest—or oldest, great at fashion, picture posing, or anything else, for that matter. What I am is 60, 180 pounds (with a goal of reaching 165) and 6 ft tall. In reality, I’m average with a nice pair of legs. I’ve carried a midsection since I was a chubby kid. I’ve been told the only way to get rid of it is through surgery. I’m contemplating CoolSculpting on those love handles. I believe we have a lot of tricks that we can share with each other…

So, here we go…

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Back in my teens:

“I’m going to ‘Man up’ this year and quit fantasying about high heels and nylons.”

“I’m going to buy my own high heels and nylons and quit trying to wear the ones that don’t fit.”

“I’m going to hit the weights and really bulk up.”

“Ich! I need to do something about the hair growing on my chest.”

“I’m going to find a nice (and hot) girl to be with.”

“I’m going to dress like a hot girl. The nastier, the better. I love extremely high heels.”

“I’m going to stop having these girly urges and throw away my stash.”

“I need to find a better hiding place when I buy more things.”

Back in my twenties ( I was married at 21):

“I’m married and it’s time to have a family. No more girl time (I didn’t yet know what I was or that I was a crossdresser. I thought I was broken and could fix myself.)

“It’s a shame that I can’t fit into her clothes; they’re so pretty. Guess I’ll buy my own.”

“It’s been nearly two years clean, but the stress is getting to me with the new baby. I won’t give in!”

“Did you see those shoes in the window at Younker’s? They’re on sale and lingerie is 60% off.”

“I’m going to toss everything before we move into our new house. Start fresh and be a better husband and father.”

“Ooh, I found a great place to stash and rebuild my wardrobe. I think it’s time I start growing my hair longer and quit chewing my nails.”

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“Three girls in the family! I’m doomed! I have to spend more time with the guys!”

“Little girl clothes are so adorable! I love watching my wife put on her makeup; she’s so good at it. I bet I could do that. I’ll wait till she’s gone for the weekend and try.”

Back in my thirties:

“I can’t take this anymore. I need to purge everything; the stress is killing me.”

“I’ve been doing research and there are many others like me. The internet is wonderful.”

“I need to lose weight; I’ve really started to pack it on. I’m going to join a fitness club.”

“Pilates and aerobics would tone those legs and improve our health. We should start using some moisturizing cream on our face and do something with those shaggy eyebrows and the hair in our ears.”

“I need to reconnect with my wife. She is becoming distant, and we argue all the time. I need to be better and not so sharp in tone and my actions!”

“More me time and the stress will go away. I’m not a cancer but a vital part of you. Maybe it’s time to confess and accept the consequences.”

“I need to focus on the family and do what’s right!”

I’m not going anywhere. I’m that part that makes you kinder and empathetic. Listen more to me and life can be better for all of us.”

“I need to do more research on what it means to be a crossdresser or if I’m something else. These feelings keep telling me that this isn’t ever going away.”

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“There’s nothing wrong with you. You are who you are. Together, we can be whole.”

Back in my forties:

“I promise to be a good father to the girls now that I’m divorced. If she rats me out, I’ll face it.”

“I will buy all the things I’ve never had and shine! I’ll learn to do makeup, style my hair, and live openly.”

“I need to move on and find some validation in another relationship.”

“I’m going to fit into that size 12 even if I have to exercise vigorously and do extreme dieting.”

“I’m going to purge all of my feminine things and delete all the pictures. Time to be 100% man.”

“I’ll give you time, but I know you can’t ever be all man again. I’ll be back!”

Back in my fifties:

“I think that the best thing for me is to be single. Learn to love all of me for who I really am. Two failed relationships have lots to tell about my shortcomings. Focusing on me is what I should do.”

“I will help you see I am you and always have been. Together, we will grow and learn to be content and happy.”

“I’m going to do the things that make me happy and not worry about what others think. It’s time to embrace who I am.”

“I’m going to whisper in your ear, and you’ll see how much calmer our life will be when you listen more to me. We’ll take our time and work on us.”

“I won’t give up on a relationship, but if it happens, I’ll be upfront early. No more hiding this part of me.”

“Wouldn’t it be wonderful to find a new place, in a new state, where we can be us without the expectations put on us by others? It’s never too late in life to be who you were meant to be.” 😊

Now, in my sixties:

“I’ll care less what others think. I’ll be kinder to everyone. I won’t put demands or expectations on others, and I will treat myself with respect, toss away the stigmas and labels so that I can just be me.”

“I will smile more, moisturize, moisturize and moisturize. I will hold my head up high and walk with grace. I will be quick to forgive and less judgmental… especially with how I look. I will continue to work on becoming the best, blended version of us.

“I won’t be afraid of what others may think and deal with it should the time arise. I will not be afraid to be different, to be me. I will continue to find blessings and accept happiness.”

“I accept we may never be more than what we currently are. I won’t push. I will enjoy the beauty of this life and be content with sharing time. I will also be brave and move out of the closet into the sunlight.” 

EnFemme

More Articles by Sabrina (Brina) MacTavish

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Raymond Swarmer
Lady
Member
2 years ago

WOW!!! Brina you look great! Loved the article. I saw so much of myself in it. I hatd that I had to purge while I was in the Army. Now that I’m totally retired, and single ( wife passed recently) I’m able to pursue Ragina completely

Stephanie Aston
Lady
Trusted Member
2 years ago

Hi Brina
I love reading all your articles but I especially liked this one.
Just about everyone of your His/Hers points resonate so much with my own over the decades I think the only difference is that I’m still married!
This articulate made me (and I’m sure many other girls reading this) smile, laugh, think, grimace, cry, ponder, sigh etc.

Thank you so much for writing this and all your other articles, every one is priceless.

Stephanie x

Lucinda Hawkns
Lady
Trusted Member
2 years ago

WOW!!! Brina, you look great! love how you dress, you look so pretty and passable keep up the good work.

Alexis "Lexi" Moon
Alexis "Lexi" Moon
2 years ago

I love this! My favorite part is how as you get older, the ideas expressed seem to converge, versus being diametrically opposed. I think we’ve all been there in our youth, treating our female side like a demon that needs to be cast out. Something seems to happen in your 40s where you start thinking, “F- it, this is who I am!” Nice job, girl.

Alexis "Lexi" Moon
Alexis "Lexi" Moon
2 years ago

Oh, and if I may add my own spin on this: “It’s a shame that I can’t fit into her clothes; they’re so pretty. Guess I’ll buy my own.” After we got moved in together, in my 20s, it was, “Holy crap, her clothes fit me perfectly. I literally can’t stop trying them on when she’s not around.” And literally every year after that was, “This is terrible of me. I will never do it again!” Finally, in my late 30, I decided “I will buy my own women’s clothes and shoes, so I can stop wearing hers.” But I… Read more »

Danica Daroy
Lady
Trusted Member
2 years ago

Awesome article Brina,because I can totally relate to all of the analogies and thoughts that you described. As I approach 66 in a couple weeks myself, your article confirms that we’re all in this together, having many of the same CD characteristics no matter how old we are. Then, once as individuals, we realize that this is who we are, all the “ mind games and guilt etc.” go away. Thanks again Brina for a serious yet humorous article. Love it!!
Danica 🙂

Nyomi Katz
Nyomi Katz
2 years ago

Brina, you are as beautiful as you are eloquent. What a unique way of reflecting on your journey as a CD. Thank you for sharing. It makes me think about my past in the same way. Even though my CD journey is fairly new, I think I’ve also had these mental conversations between both sides of me. Your article definitely makes me ponder those instances

Amy Myers
Baroness
Noble Member
2 years ago

Great article Brina. Very current since so many of us make resolutions, but I’m not one of them. One comment you made about little girls clothes really reminded of something I used to do, that’s buy my daughter a special dress for Christmas and often Easter too. There was a time when she was about 5 and we were out somewhere and a woman complimented her on the dress she was wearing, so she said “Daddy bought it for me". The woman was very surprised and said something to her friend, they seemed to be almost flabbergasted. I over heard… Read more »

Brooke Lynne
Lady
2 years ago

I thoroughly enjoyed this! Like others, I saw alot of myself in it. Not the purging per sé, but the doubts, the struggling, the anxiety, the internal conversations Lol. It is so well worded and such a unique and clever composition. Can’t wait to read more of your work!
Xo
Brooke ❤️

Martina Klarc
Duchess
Member
2 years ago

Very gorgeous pic !
And the article is so spot on for an older gal like me. Thank you so much for sharing it !

Cassie Jayson
Duchess
Trusted Member
2 years ago

Brina, another great story. Love you shoes and I am so jealous, such shoes hurt my feet so bad. the best I can do is my 2″ wedges, I can walk in them almost all day and they show off my colored toe nails. I can relate to much of your stories, I spent from mid 30’s to early 60’s setting aside raising my 3 wonderful kids. Some of my happiest days going to my sons little leage and middle school football. Now almost 3 years ago the desire to dress up became so overwelming. Back in Sept of 2020,… Read more »

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