Hi Girls, Scarlett here!
Now these stories and suggestions are strictly based on my own cross dressing history and experiences with my wife, along with my readings from two cross dressing sites. And girls, I could write a novel on this subject, however, considering the number of word restrictions placed on these articles, I’ll keep it as short and succinct as possible.
With my wife, she was extremely reluctant to have “The Talk” and it didn’t take place until years after she first found out about my thrill of cross dressing. I finally had to insist she sit down and listen to me from start to finish, and to let me answer any questions that may arise from our discussion.
1) I felt it was very important to let her know when and how my desire for wearing lady’s clothing all began. And for most of us, it starts as a very young boy with our mom’s or sister’s clothing. Regarding me, I told her it started with me discovering two full drawers of the sexiest black lingerie I ever saw in my life in my mom and dad’s off-limits bedroom while snooping around while the entire family was gone. This black lingerie of my mom’s was found in two full drawers in her main chest of drawers right in their bedroom.
I told her about selecting and putting on my mom’s black thigh-high hose first and then the black garter belt and a sexy black bra. After finding my dad’s secret stash of Playboy and Penthouse magazines, I spread some of them around me on their bed, opened the magazines to their centerfold pictures, and then had my way with myself for over an hour. After that session, I carefully put everything back exactly where I found it. And that’s how it all began.
2) I told her my cross dressing continued after that specific day but with huge gaps of no cross dressing at all for long periods of time. I either didn’t have the time or the urge with the responsibilities of working full-time, going to school full-time at night, and coaching my two sons’ baseball teams in between my semesters of college. During those many years, I had never taken it to the level of full-up cross dressing which is where I’m at with it now.
3) Several questions came up from her during our discussion. I don’t have the luxury of noting each one of her questions that came up because there’s just not enough space in this article to list them all. However, as a result of her questions, I had to assure her I wasn’t gay, I had no sexual interest in other men or women, and that I loved her more than ever. And most importantly, the fact that she would always be my first love. In my opinion, you must make this perfectly clear to your wife or SO. Remember that your own personal cross dressing wardrobe can’t ever love you back, however, your wife or SO can always love you back. Please remember that fact girls! If your cross dressing is more important to you than your wife or SO, you probably had some serious issues with that person prior to having “The Talk” and there’s no telling how much longer your relationship will last!
4) One thing I had to drive home hard was the fact that if it came to choose between my sexy redheaded wife and Scarlett (the name I use when I’m getting my total girl on), Scarlett would have to go! Unless your marriage or relationship is on the rocks, your wife or SO must know that your cross dressing serves as a distant second to your love for her or him!
5) After getting that cleared up, I had to describe in detail to my wife how important it was for my mental well-being and total happiness to continue on by exploring my feminine side and by continuing to cross dress. Shopping for all the items pertaining to being dressed as a cute, pretty, sexy, and classy girl named Scarlett was also an important part of the process to continue as well.
I told her and showed her that my thrill of cross dressing was not related to becoming some version of a “drag queen.” My ultimate mission with cross dressing was to become 100% passable as female when I made the total transformation from me in Handsome Husband mode to Scarlett with my total girl on in that dress or cute outfit.
She wanted to know where I learned my expert makeup skills, and I told her my skills were all obtained by watching YouTube videos on my laptop which were videos produced by professional makeup artists. I also told her I had never had a professional makeover done in person by anyone.
6) I made it clear that my admission to her of my thrill of cross dressing increased my ability to relate to her as a beautiful woman so much easier. I also told her my coming out helped me steer clear of any depression, guilt, or shame I had experienced in the past by keeping my thrill of cross dressing a complete secret from her and others over the span of so many years. I suggest you tell your wife or SO the same thing.
7) I also told her I simply wanted her to accept me exploring my feminine side and in no way was I going to shove this cross dressing issue down her throat. I told her the acceptance by her of my cross dressing could go as slowly as she wanted it to go. I also assured her, I wouldn’t be cross dressed in her presence if she was uncomfortable seeing me dressed as Scarlett, which in fact was the case. The comfort level with that issue will vary from one wife or SO to another for sure! Some wives and SOs will even let you get your girl on while going out shopping or on a date with them. Those cross dressers, based on my research, are in a small minority. It appears most wives and SOs – especially long-term wives are not comfortable with this at all! My sexy redhead sure won’t be going shopping or out on a date with me dressed as Scarlett anytime soon!
To my amazement and surprise, she decided to accept me and love me as I was. She assured me that my cross dressing would never, ever lead toward what I was afraid it might lead to and that was either a separation or worse yet – a divorce. She let me know that her love for me would maintain and stay as strong for me as it always had, and I could continue my cross dressing with only two conditions. One condition was that I didn’t dress up as Scarlett in her presence and condition number two was that the neighbors and her coworkers from her high-level position/job in our county would never find out about Scarlett.
After showing her about 50 of my best photos of Scarlett, I simply got up and gave her a big hug and kiss and told her the limits she placed on my cross dressing were more than reasonable and just fine with me!
After seeing plenty of the photos of Scarlett, she more than confirmed that I would totally pass 100% as a girl. She even admitted Scarlett was just as pretty and cute as she was!
Well girlfriends, I have almost met my word limit with this article so it’s time to bring this one to an end.
I’m sure you have further suggestions to add with mine, so please feel free to expand my limited list!
I would also love to hear how you broke the news to your wives or SOs and to tell me how your version of “The Talk” went with them.
To all my CDH girlfriends – I love you all and hope you enjoyed this entertaining subject. I so look forward to your responses to this article!
XOXOXO Scarlett
More Articles by Scarlett398
- Scarlett Looking Back At Her Very First Cross Dressing Experience!
- Scarlett’s Purpose at Crossdresser Heaven!
- A Few Of Scarlett’s Hot Tips On Fashion And Beauty!
- “Scarlett’s Hot Tips On Photo Shoots!”
- Scarlett On How To Share Your Thrill Of Cross Dressing With Others
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i came out to my wife after 27yrs of marriage(that was 8 1/2 yrs ago), we both had nervous breakdowns over my coming out as a crossdresser or maybe non op mtf woman, we almost divorced over it(we probably should have in hindsight) she has become tolerant of Giselle and even attends support group events with but we have ceased to be husband and wife and now are good friends but have no physical life at all, i regret to this day telling her about Giselle as it hurt her so much and caused her to lose her trust in… Read more »
So sorry your transition and cross dressing brought an end to your physical relationship with your wife. That probably would have been the end to my marriage. I couldn’t live without date night and our strong physical connection at the end of date night.
Wishing you well in the future Giselle and that sounds like a tough situation to be in!
Sincerely, Scarlett
Good article, I’m glad your wife is accepting!
Me too Christine! I’m very blessed to have my sexy redhead. Now there are limits. I can’t be dressed as Scarlett while in her presence and I can’t let the neighbors or her coworkers know about Scarlett which both are just fine with me.
XOXOXOXO Scarlett
Hi BFF. this is an absolutely amazing and accurate article. I identify with so many of the points. Thank you dear girlfriend. your insight truly helps me along with my own journey. Love ya
Danielle
Love you too as always my BFF! Gonna take a month off from photo posting and article writing. I honestly think the girls are sick of looking at me and hearing from me.
So no Scarlett for the entire month of September. Gonna have a bunch of fun with myself. I’m gonna do two photo shoots per week and a lot of shopping. Just having fun with me and Scarlett!
Love you! XOXOXO Scarlett
Oh, I’m gonna concentrate on college football as well!
yaaay girlfriend. girl/me time is always so so needed. plus college football. Heck yes. Go Huskers…sorry, that is my team…
Love ya
Have a great month. will keep up with in private chat.
XOXOXO
P.S.
Never ever tired of Scarlett pics. I love them
Danielle
Hi Scarlett, First, I love your outfit. Second, great article. I’m a bit of a late bloomer. Throughout my life I managed to suppress my desires to dress until about five months ago when the desire was so strong that I gave in and decided that I should let my inner girl out. Before I bought a stitch of clothing, I came out to my wife of 20 years about my feminine side and my desire to dress. She was very appreciative that we talked about it first. To keep a long story short she has been supportive and doesn’t… Read more »
Robin my wife’s the same way. I can’t dress as Scarlett while in her presence. I honestly think she’s a bit jealous of Scarlett. I’m just a bit hotter than she is and she’s a real looker. So don’t feel like the lone ranger when having a wife who can’t relate. Most of us are in the same situation. I’m just really happy she’s been supportive and even lets you be Robin while in her presence. You’ve got more than I’ve gotten from my wife. I can dress as much as I want as long as she’s not around. Which… Read more »
Scarlett, Trust me when I say I count my blessings when it comes to my wife’s acceptance. I tread lightly and take it slowly when dressing around my wife.
Robin
HI SCARLETT , I ENJOYED YOUR ARTICLE SO VERY MUCH AND I THANK YOU FOR BEING SO TRUTHFUL . MYSELF THOUGH AM GAY AND A CROSSDRESSER . I LIVE IN A SMALL TOWN OUTSIDE TORONTO WHICH HAS NO SUPPORT OR OTHERS IN THE AREA . I’VE BEEN CROSSDRESSING FOR MANY YEARS SUCH AS MOST HAVE AFTER DISCOVERING MY MOM’S AND SISTER SECRET STASH TOO . I TOLD MY FATHER I WAS GAY DURING OUR LAST VISIT BEFORE HE PASSED AND WAS CUT FROM A MULTI-MILLION DOLLAR WILL . IT WAS MOSTLY MY SISTER THAT COULDN’T HANDLE IT BUT SINCE THEN… Read more »
Thank you, Deano, for taking time to read my article and then taking the time to respond to the article as well! Life as a cross dresser isn’t easy. Especially when you get cut out of a multi-million dollar will that would have set you up financially for life and it also sounds like your sister had disowned you. You see from my article why I don’t and wouldn’t let anyone else on both sides of my family know that I’m a cross dresser. I just know how fast the news would travel and how none of them would be… Read more »
THANK YOU FOR YOUR REPLY SCARLETT, YOU ARE A VERY BEAUTIFUL WOMAN AND WOULD LOVE TO SHOP WITH OR OTHERS . I’D LOVE TO HAVE SOMEWHERE I COULD GET ALL DRESSED UP MAYBE A LITTLE MAKEUP AND RELAX AROUND OTHERS IN THE SAME BOAT AS ME . AS I HAVE JUST JOINED THIS GROUP I HOPE TO MAKE NEW FRIENDS AND MAYBE IN MY AREA . I CAN HARDLY WAIT FOR YOUR NEW PICTURES . I KNOW YOUR GONE TILL OCTOBER AND LOOK FORWARD TO SEE SCARLETT THEN . TAKE CARE AND DON’T BE A STRANGER , I LOVE YOUR… Read more »
Scarlett, your introduction of Scarlett to your wife was exactly the way I told my wife about 10 years ago as far as introducing Danika to her. When I first told her about Danika, I got the 500 questions in 15 minutes. I told my wife that I wanted her to know so that she knows that I was being completely honest with her. I didn’t want to hide it from her just to have her find out later by accident. So honesty works best. It has been a slow but thoughtful process to get to where I am but… Read more »
Hi Danika, sounds like a carbon copy of my story! Good for you and so happy your wife is comfortable with Danika and that you respect her feelings and she respect yours!
XOXOXO Scarlett And thanks for taking time to read my article.
Hi Scarlett, Thank you for sharing your story about coming out and making it right with your wife and your persistence and reassurance to be there for her. The courage it takes to sit down and tell the one person you have pledged your love and trust towards, for life, about this part of us, is so overwhelmingly difficult. This fear gripped me through twenty nine years of marriage, the raising of three kids and the life we have been building together. Always the dread of what would happen if my big secret was discovered. Knowing that hiding this from… Read more »
Carrie, I think you’re going to be in good shape with your wife regarding your cross dressing, however, like with my wife after I had “The Talk" with her, it’s going to take some time. Sounds like you’ll have to have mini talks with her about this touchy cross dressing subject. My wife still doesn’t want to talk with me about it. But I occasionally throw subtle things in there from time to time. She’ll ask me about what to pair with a particular dress she’s picked out to try on in the fitting room and I’ll say something like… Read more »
Dear Scarlett,
Thank you for your words of encouragement, I will certainly try to keep communication doors wide open with my wife.
You are such a great inspiration to others on this site. You gracefully project the image of a caring and beautiful woman. I am delighted to call you a friend on CDH.
Love Carrie
Hi Dear Scarlett, I had to respond to your most wonderful article. You are so fortunate to have the Sexy Redhead in your life. The only time I “came out’ to my first wife was when I had ordered a bra, panties and heels from Victoria’s Secret on our joint credit card. HUGE MISTAKE! She got the next month’s statement and saw the items. At first, she accused me of buying the stuff for a woman I worked with, whom she thought I was having an affair with (I was not). When I confessed they for me, all hell broke… Read more »
Good for you Lorrie! The first part of your story is what happens when the secret is revealed. It’s not a pretty sight. I’m glad it didn’t happen in my case but wasn’t sure it wouldn’t happen. I just got tired of trying to hide everything and put every single thing away. I didn’t tell you that she would occasionally find a pair of tights I had laid over a chair of couch. Or maybe even a short spandex mini shirt that blended in whatever it was draped over. It got to a point where she would stop asking me… Read more »
Thanks Carrie. I do love helping out all of the girls on here who come to me with questions about cross dressing or relationships.
That’s why I started writing these articles. Because I would be getting up to 8 to 10 private messages every single day from girls asking me questions about both. So to save a little time, I just started writing informative articles that addresses most of the issues our CDH girls had issues with or questions about!
Thanks a bunch for your sweet note Carrie!
Love ya! XOXOXO Scarlett
Hi Scarlett! So wonderful how you handled things with your wife. My marriage was already having problems when I came out to her. She is pretty accepting, but the marriage still has issues, unfortunately. I did tell her though – my crossdressing has absolutely nothing to do with her! It is an entirely separate thing. And I stressed that my CDing has very little to nothing to do with our issues. I thought that was important to let her know. Funny how some people think that CDing is the root of all your marital problems – WRONG! It is but… Read more »