I attempted to communicate the feminine side of me to my first wife. I am sure my attempts were feeble and no doubt unlearned. How could I help her understand about me what I didn’t understand about myself, had no objective evidence to prove it, and was such an antithesis to our Christian faith? Although almost zero dressing, displaying no outward evidence of my feminine essence, purposing with a yoeman’s determination to keep “it” locked away and “manning up” until I die, I WOULD endure for the sake of not hurting my wife and straining our relationship to the brink of divorce.

However underneath I was unsettled, moody, quiet, lonely, at times withdrawn, and to a degree non-social. As a good wife does, she knew something was amiss. When she eventually put 1+1 together and understood my locked away desire for womanhood was the source of my moodiness she valiantly tried for a period to accept her husband’s “problem”.

Her eventual conclusion; she just couldn’t live with a man who believed he was a woman. And to some degree understandably so.  Eventually, on the advice of a counselor she divorced me for this reason. That hurt deeply, but was not much of it not my own making?

How ironic that all of the pain generated by my suppression and hiding to avoid divorce should be for nought. Divorce was the end.

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And the beginning.

I remarried. My new bride knew ahead of time of my inner gender struggle. She married me anyway; because she claimed, she loved me. But I hid my self like before because, . . . well. . . I am sure you can figure it out.

Yet, I was blessed.  In my current wife I found a woman who not only claimed she loved me but went on to prove it. Rather than distancing herself from her feminine essence husband she patiently and kindly lived with me. She engaged her moody man with continual expressed love. After much discussion, powerful listening on her part, no fretting or “freaking out”, with a heart to truly understand me she asks, “and how can I help you be the woman you need to be in order to be happy.”

When I came out to her I was not prepared for the acceptance and support that her genuine love for me created within her.

The lesson? Hurt can not be avoided when you are not honest about your authentic self. Undoubtedly YOU will be hurt if you stay closeted, but so will your relationship with not just your SO, but also with others in your life.  Quite possibly your SO may be hurt if you open up to her, so either way being closeted is hurting people.

But may I say that if there is genuine deep love in your relationship you may be pleasantly surprised by unexpected results. Truly, the truth will make you free.

Early this morning my wife and I greeted each other in the kitchen with a hug and warm kiss; she in her robe and I with pink toenails, in a knee length nightie and satin cover up. I have never felt so loved or free. Together we were two happy women.

Please share your secret. Do it properly and the results will change your life.

1) How long have you been in the closet with your thrill of cross dressing?
2) Do you have a plan for getting out of your closet?
3) Does that plan lay emphasis on your SO’s needs and feelings as equal to or more important than your own needs?

Thank all of you CDH girls for taking the time to read my article! Now if you have a few moments, please feel free to send me a response to my article or to answer one or more of the three questions I’ve posed to you above!

Sincerely, Charlene

En Femme Style


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Charlene Victoria

The most important bit to know about me is that I have a very strong Bible centered Christian faith. I filter everything in life through that faith. But OH MY!! I am without doubt undeniably transgendered. Have longed for all of my Christian life and before to simply be that girl (now woman) next door. Though she knew before we were married that I struggled accepting myself as a male, in June of 2020 we talked in honestly. I fully disclosed to my wife the depth of my female identification, explaining that my desire to dress was not simply to wear woman's clothes as a man, but it was because there is a heart felt need in this very tangible way to present outwardly who I am inside; a woman. I was completely unprepared for the love, acceptance, and support I have experienced from her. Balancing these two life realities into one effectively functioning person so that joy prevails for both of us is essence of my journey. Update: probably since October of 2020, the freedom in my feminine self expression caused my femininity to bleed into my male self. This I sense was making my wife uncomfortable. Though I regularly refer to my "gender brokenness" causing me discomfort in hopes that she might give the "green light" to more feminine expression I still sense she is yet comfortable with status quo so at this time my feminine expression is done quietly, low key, and aimed at her comfort not mine.

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melissa la quinta
Trusted Member
3 years ago

Hi Charlene: That’s quite a lovely story. I so wish I, too, could get up in the morning in one of my sexy nighties and have coffee with my wife, as my true self.

melissa la quinta
Trusted Member
3 years ago

Such great advice! XXOO M. 

Brenda Scott
Active Member
3 years ago

Being honest is so important in any relationship. Of course crossdressing is something each of us deals with initially on our own. We don’t learn about how to make sense of it as we find ourself absorbing the desires we find growing. Nobody asks us if we are having desires to wear girl’s clothing. It’s hard to figure out how to tell someone. We know once we tell someone there is no un-telling it. It’s out there so we are very apprehensive to say anything. But for those that do open up about it and find acceptance from their spouse… Read more »

skippy1965 Cynthia
Trusted Member
3 years ago

Congrats Char on winning the lottery in your second marriage. My ex couldn’t deal with my dressing at all (which I had hidden from her as we got married because I honestly-though foolishly and fruitlessly)-though the need would go away. And I have not found another partner yet who can accept it but would never try to begin another one without them knowing all about Cyn.

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