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Shopping for clothes in person, women’s of course
If you are like me, and most other CDs I know, you love to shop for women’s clothes. Even if you don’t buy anything, simply looking at the myriad of fashions, colours, styles, it’s an exercise in eye candy whether just wandering through a mall or looking online. Of course, shopping online is so nice and easy now, except for trying to figure out the sizing, and with so much being made offshore it can be a challenge to find the right size.
Even so, isn’t it fun putting things in your shopping cart, accumulating hundreds or maybe thousands of dollars worth of beautiful and perhaps evocative clothing, only to close your computer and sigh, “Maybe someday?”
All of which makes it so much better to shop in person! Rather scary for many, and maybe frightening, too? Although I believe in most cases it needn’t be.
Like most, who’ve been buying in the last few years, I started purchasing online because it was easier, and I didn’t have to deal with a real live salesperson. Someone you are worried about might be seeing right into the heart of your crossdresser’s soul.
However, shopping in person has many advantages. You can see, touch, and feel that item of clothing you’re interested in, making sure the colour is to your liking instead of possibly being distorted by the digital system. The all-important sizing: either you can discretely hold the piece up to you, try it on if you’re brave enough, or just make sure of the return policy and take it home to try on. The latter might be important to you if you wear forms and hip/bum pads. Trying it on with everything you normally wear lets you know if the fit is just the way you desire it.
I well remember going into a local discount store with the intent of buying a couple of things for myself. I was so nervous doing this my palms were sweating, and I felt everyone was looking at me! Of course, no one was paying me any attention. In reality, I was just another shopper, and they didn’t care “why is this guy buying a women’s t-shirt?”
I eventually became quite comfortable with any store’s staff. Without exception, they were all friendly and helpful. If they figured out I was buying for myself, so what? No one really cares these days. A sale is a sale.
I did confess to the manager of one women’s clothing store I was buying these for myself and did the same thing at a lingerie store. I was getting tired of the old line about my wife’s shoulders being about the same as mine. They were both fabulous and so accepting it seemed amazing to me. The first one told me the best times to shop when the store was the quietest, and that they had a change room separate from the main group if I wanted to try something on. She also told me that their policy is one of inclusiveness, and if any of her staff were to ever give me a difficult time I should let her know.
This is an important consideration as many major stores have this kind of policy now. You can check out their policy online before stepping into the store. They see crossdressers from time to time. The sales ladies are like that seasoned traffic cop, seen it all before, no big deal.
It is so freeing to simply be honest and say this is for me! The deception can get rather tiresome after long enough, which it had for me. Recently, I was looking at a pair of wedge heels sandals that were attractive, as my old ones had just broken. The sales lady came up to me and mentioned they were now at half price! That tipped it for me, so within sight of her, I slipped my guy shoes off and tried them on. The fit and feel were good, so I bought them. I detected no hint of disapproval from her.
I became comfortable with store staff but was still uncomfortable shopping with other female customers near me. I would often go to another part of the store to avoid them, or just leave. As you might imagine, this got rather frustrating and annoying, so I just started looking at what I wanted no matter if there were other shoppers about.
My next revelation was they didn’t seem to care either! If they had any curiosity about a man shopping in a women’s only clothing shop, they certainly hid it well. So now I just simply shop, look at what I want, and don’t worry about the other women in the store. I am certainly not immune to disapproval, so I am cautious at times, although I suspect this, too will also evaporate in time.
One has to achieve a comfort level for shopping in person, and it may depend on your locale as well, but are so many areas much more accepting than ever before. I do live in a conservative part of Ontario, Canada, but I have not had any issues at all. If you are very closeted and are concerned that someone you know might catch you, then consider traveling to a different locality to shop.
How do you shop? In-person, just online, or both?
If you have shopped in person, how was your experience?
Have you told any of the sales staff in stores that you are shopping for yourself?
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I love to shop in person
Thanks Kimberly, me too!
Amy
I have done some in person, drab, shopping. Some lingerie when on vacation and a cute tank top this summer at the Gap. Lots of other women around but was able to block them out and peruse the racks. Two weeks ago I wanted a new dress and went looking, unfortunately I got nervous this time and left without even a fabric feel. Hoping to try again soon, maybe this weekend.
Thanks for the reply, and I hope your shopping trip this weekend works out better!
Amy
I like to shop in person even if it’s a bit uncomfortable at times. I am figuring out my sizes, and so I am not getting things to big or small a size eight to nine seems to be best. I also found an incredible pair of heels in my size a twelve ladies and they are great. I am finding bras more difficult as I have small breast and some styles work while the more full cup and padded not as well. I really enjoy dressing part way bra and panties under my clothes and shopping it feels more… Read more »
Christi, that’s a good way of getting more comfortable with shopping, the more you do it, the more you can relax at it. I know I’ve made a few poor choices because I was so nervous and didn’t think it through as well as I should have!
Thank you very much.
Amy
Thank you
I am going out this morning hoping to find a decent bra and panties in white or black should not be to hard lol
Yes, depending on your bra’s band size, once you go above 36″ it is more difficult finding a small cup. Go to 38″ and it is usually B and up.
Great poem
It is how we all feel
Thanks Christi!
Amy
I love shopping in person, both in drab and en femme. I’ve never had anyone care and I’ve taken things to the dressing room in drab. No one cared. Actually, I think this is a helpful step if you’re wanting to get out and having trouble with that first step out the door. Shopping for women’s clothing dressed as a man can be a good way to own this other side of yourself and overcome hesitation and fear. I think for most of us, even the boldest who go out all the time, we got their gradually. Shopping and using… Read more »
Thanks Sarah. I quite like your thought about this is a good way of “owning" this side of yourself, and getting over the nervousness we all feel at first.
Amy
@Sarah Kanter I agree Sarah I have shopped for Women’s clothes and used the dressing rooms, Even in Victoria’s Secret and your right nobody cares.
Both. And, in both modes. I certainly can relate to your jitters about the first time. It gets to be old hat after a while. When I came out to my wife, and after the ‘shock of it all’ wore off some, she would buy me items with or without me present in drab mode. As she looked at items, she would notice other men in the ladies section. Once upon a time, she would have only thought they were buying for their partners. Not anymore. Retailers work extra hard these days training their staffs to be open to all… Read more »
Thank you for the reply Dani. Recently my wife and I were shopping at women’s store and a man comes in and up to the return desk. Now, of course maybe he was just returning something for the Lady in his life, then again, maybe not!
Amy
thnka you for sharing. I agree it is fun and exciting to shop in person but that feeling that everyone if Staring at you can be overwhelming.
Leah, thank you very much. Yes, one does feel as though you’re being watched, but it isn’t always paranoia, sometimes I get the odd look, but that’s as far as it has gone, for me anyway.
Amy
Good article Amy. I remember your anxiety when you first started shopping for yourself instore. We’ve certainly come a long way.
Hugs
Olivia
Thanks Olivia! Yes I remember our discussion a few times, and now it’s difficult to believe that it really wasn’t so long ago I was terrified at shopping in person.
You are one of the ones who gave me a bit of extra confidence to go shopping in person.
This article, and others is my way of paying it forward. Those girls who helped me, and gave me the confidence to just let the woman inside of me out.
Amy
Hi Amy. Currently most of my shopping is done in the midwest collage town that I have worked in 40 years now. I almost always am dressed in fem when I do this. Not a hi comfort area for me yet to shop for feminine item while in drab, but I do a little in a quick walk by and grab fashion.
Have been more comfortable shopping in fem at the local mall and at the next door Wal-Mart.
. . Cassie
Thanks Cassie. I too now prefer shopping dressed rather than in drab, but I still do shop in drab from time to time.
Amy
I seem to always get a Lil’ Giggle when I read or see how someone gets a personal victory in our Dressing World. I often buy things in our local stores without too much anxiety but … a small town like this one – EVERYONE is Watching! Small Town Gossip is mostly based on speculation and assumptions. None of that diminishes the Grins and Giggles I get for those who venture the Tides of Change! Thanks Amy for giving us a view outside of my little Closet Life
Thanks Mae! Well it sounds like you are just a wee bit out of the closet too.
I too live in a small town and your comment reminds me of what happened a couple of years ago. In a local thrift store I was buying a lovely blouse when the wife of a friend of mine saw me and started talking. If she saw my purchase, she made no mention of it!
Amy
Generally speaking I don’t worry about the public purchase. I’ve bought many gifts for women and girls. That doesn’t mean they’re not watching and noticing what’s being bought and what sizes …