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Shopping for clothes in person, women’s of course
If you are like me, and most other CDs I know, you love to shop for women’s clothes. Even if you don’t buy anything, simply looking at the myriad of fashions, colours, styles, it’s an exercise in eye candy whether just wandering through a mall or looking online. Of course, shopping online is so nice and easy now, except for trying to figure out the sizing, and with so much being made offshore it can be a challenge to find the right size.
Even so, isn’t it fun putting things in your shopping cart, accumulating hundreds or maybe thousands of dollars worth of beautiful and perhaps evocative clothing, only to close your computer and sigh, “Maybe someday?”
All of which makes it so much better to shop in person! Rather scary for many, and maybe frightening, too? Although I believe in most cases it needn’t be.
Like most, who’ve been buying in the last few years, I started purchasing online because it was easier, and I didn’t have to deal with a real live salesperson. Someone you are worried about might be seeing right into the heart of your crossdresser’s soul.
However, shopping in person has many advantages. You can see, touch, and feel that item of clothing you’re interested in, making sure the colour is to your liking instead of possibly being distorted by the digital system. The all-important sizing: either you can discretely hold the piece up to you, try it on if you’re brave enough, or just make sure of the return policy and take it home to try on. The latter might be important to you if you wear forms and hip/bum pads. Trying it on with everything you normally wear lets you know if the fit is just the way you desire it.
I well remember going into a local discount store with the intent of buying a couple of things for myself. I was so nervous doing this my palms were sweating, and I felt everyone was looking at me! Of course, no one was paying me any attention. In reality, I was just another shopper, and they didn’t care “why is this guy buying a women’s t-shirt?”
I eventually became quite comfortable with any store’s staff. Without exception, they were all friendly and helpful. If they figured out I was buying for myself, so what? No one really cares these days. A sale is a sale.
I did confess to the manager of one women’s clothing store I was buying these for myself and did the same thing at a lingerie store. I was getting tired of the old line about my wife’s shoulders being about the same as mine. They were both fabulous and so accepting it seemed amazing to me. The first one told me the best times to shop when the store was the quietest, and that they had a change room separate from the main group if I wanted to try something on. She also told me that their policy is one of inclusiveness, and if any of her staff were to ever give me a difficult time I should let her know.
This is an important consideration as many major stores have this kind of policy now. You can check out their policy online before stepping into the store. They see crossdressers from time to time. The sales ladies are like that seasoned traffic cop, seen it all before, no big deal.
It is so freeing to simply be honest and say this is for me! The deception can get rather tiresome after long enough, which it had for me. Recently, I was looking at a pair of wedge heels sandals that were attractive, as my old ones had just broken. The sales lady came up to me and mentioned they were now at half price! That tipped it for me, so within sight of her, I slipped my guy shoes off and tried them on. The fit and feel were good, so I bought them. I detected no hint of disapproval from her.
I became comfortable with store staff but was still uncomfortable shopping with other female customers near me. I would often go to another part of the store to avoid them, or just leave. As you might imagine, this got rather frustrating and annoying, so I just started looking at what I wanted no matter if there were other shoppers about.
My next revelation was they didn’t seem to care either! If they had any curiosity about a man shopping in a women’s only clothing shop, they certainly hid it well. So now I just simply shop, look at what I want, and don’t worry about the other women in the store. I am certainly not immune to disapproval, so I am cautious at times, although I suspect this, too will also evaporate in time.
One has to achieve a comfort level for shopping in person, and it may depend on your locale as well, but are so many areas much more accepting than ever before. I do live in a conservative part of Ontario, Canada, but I have not had any issues at all. If you are very closeted and are concerned that someone you know might catch you, then consider traveling to a different locality to shop.
How do you shop? In-person, just online, or both?
If you have shopped in person, how was your experience?
Have you told any of the sales staff in stores that you are shopping for yourself?
More Articles by Amy Myers
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Hey Amy
I have only done shopping as my male self that was until today when I decided to Skip working from home for a few hours and headed to the shopping mall not far from me to for some girl shopping as Sarah.
I have given up trying to be totally discreet when shopping and just take my time browsing each section.
I will wait for the changing rooms to be quieter before taking clothes in there and normally wrap a man’s T-shirt over the top so it is not totally obvious.
Getting comfortable shopping takes time.
Sarah
Thank you for your reply Sarah. Your afternoon sounds much better than working! Hope you good something good for your efforts.
Amy
Love the article Amy. I love going shopping and have long past gotten over about people caring. Besides with the price of gas who can afford to bring it home and take it back. I’ve had a couple of snotty comments but do you want my money or not. The one time I had 2 young girl sales people giggling at me in a lingerie store, so I kindly reminded them that all I have to do is tell their boss I feel uncomfortable and offended and they’ll both be unemployed, they shut up pretty quick.
Thanks Heather. Too bad you’ve had the small issues, but you certainly handled it well!
Amy
Amy — Thanks so much for the encouraging and well-written article. Our explorations in femininity are greatly enhanced through first-hand experiences in public, whether in male mode or en femme. The more you shop, and interact with sales staff and customers, the more comfortable it becomes. And proprietors of women’s shops have seen and know many of us and are typically some of the biggest CD/trans allies I know.
Thank you Rochelle! Yes, I so much agree with you.
Amy
If I go shopping, I go shopping as a gentleman. I tend to go in off peak times. I also go with my wife, and use her to draw attention away from me. My wife knows that, and is comfortable with playing that game. My wife supports me. So far, my CD has been very limited. ‘Rose’ is still a very intermittent character in my life. My wife also does not want me to be ‘Rose’ more than 10 percent of the time. She wants her husband. She also fears for safety when I am ‘Rose’. That is the compromise… Read more »
Thank you Rose. It is great you have such a supportive wife, and mine has done similar things for me when shopping too.
Amy
Amy—I’m in London Ontario–& London is very Conservative, but I do shop in person–I’ve found that the used stores like talize,goodwill,Salvation, army are the easiest–(& most affordable) to shop in–Next are small independents–in fact-there are a couple of discount stores where they will show me different things -have me try them on & tell me if it suits me or not-Even when they are busy-It feels Soooo good–I almost can’t not buy “Something" even if I just wanted to look-I feel guilty walking out empty handed–I’ve had very bad experiences in higher end stores or chains like Walmart/Superstore ect–Telling me… Read more »
Jane, I’m not so far away from you in Tobacco country around Delhi. One of the concerns I had was the conservative nature of the area, but as I’ve said in my article I have not had any issues.
Most major chains have policies which dictate equality, but of course some individuals may not go along with that.
Amy
Always love the times out shopping en fem. Most stores(Macy’s, Target) have been 100% friendly and helpful. No worries from sales staff or other customers. Negatively, Lenscrafter’s was very aggressive when I was looking for new fem glasses. Even turned off the wifi so I could not search for comparisons online.
Thanks Merideth! Interesting that Lenscrafters was so unaccepting, I would have thought a chain like that would have had policies against that, but certain staff might not agree not matter what head office might say.
Amy
I probably should have contacted their head office. Like I did when Tractor Supply threw me out when I brought my bicycle in. They did not have any parking and I am damned if I will park a 3k set of wheels out of sight. Their head office was very concerned. Alas, I have voted with my feet and I do not go to Tractor Supply
i went to a store and bought nylons, panties and bra, then pads also and went to cash out, no body payed attention to me with female stuff, the cashier lady was nice about it and said nothing, but i knew she was thinking of asking if it was for me or wife. i asked about returns if they did not fit, yes it does feel funny buying female cloths but who cares any ways. it could be for wife or girl friend. if its for your self why would they care anyways its a sale. i love buying female… Read more »
Lucinda, sounds like a great shopping experience!
Thanks!
Amy
it sure was and i still go in store to shop for feminine things like pads and make up. i also go to stores to buy nylons and panties and bra if i see i new dress i like i would buy it. but i have enough dresses i need some skirts.
Oh could I fill this page with stories. But I’ll keep it short. First time was in drab, bra and panties at Walmart. Then a dress at JC Pennys. After that started doing both. And yes as I become more confident in my appearance, I felt more relaxed. So I to say to those that haven’t gone shopping yet take the small steps first. Hope you will learn to enjoy it.
Karen
Thank you for sharing those stories with us, Karen!
Hello Amy – Well, this is a timely post. I have been live buying my own panty’s for quite some time but that has been the extent of it… until yesterday. I dropped a bunch of clothes off at a local thrift shop (shout out to Savers) and decided to go inside. Being close to Halloween there was a fair selection of fancy dresses and as luck would have it, two that I liked and tghey were in my size! I scooped them up and checked out. Nobody batted an eye. Today I purchased my first bras. Two plain Secret… Read more »
You are quite welcome,Tasha. Sounds like a great bunch of shopping you’ve done there. Oh my, isn’t it so addictive?
I hope you get a chance to wear those new items. Hopefully over time your wife will start to become a bit more understanding of your need to dress up.
Amy
What a lovely article which totally resonates with me. There is no substitute for shopping in stores rather than online, as you have explained. When purchasing lingerie I usually give my custom to two small lingerie boutiques whose owners are very CD/TV friendly and give me all the help I need, especially making sure the bras fit me properly – so important to all of us girls. So I have come away with lots of beautiful bra/panty sets over the last few years. I have also made purchases of outerwear from Long Tall Sally, really great when they had a… Read more »