My wife and I have been married for 30 years. The 1st year, I kept my panties and nighties hidden away. Then I decided to add ”Her” panties to bed one night. Low and behold she was amazed at how ”excited” I was and how long I remained in that state. That was how I broke the ice. Over the next 28 years, more and more items were added to bedtime. She has never been fond of it but tolerated it. It wasn’t until Halloween 2020 that I fully dressed up with the help of her best friend (whom she had discussed my ”Hobby” with unknown to me). There was hair removal, A LOT of that (I’m a hairy beast). There were stockings, garters, breast forms, wig and make up. There was an excessive amount of liquid courage consumed in order to get me to walk out of that door. But I did it, and it was life changing!

My Wife thought that if I dressed and went out in public one time that would be the end of it. Boy was this one hell of a shock to the both of us. I just can’t describe the rush I felt when we were inside the elevator, walked through the lobby and then arrived at the hotel bar. I was checked out by a guy, and not checked out as in “That’s a Dude in a Dress!” But as in that’s a hot chick. I was also got “Yikes! That’s a Dude in a dress”, so that’s how I knew the difference in the look. Of course I know the what checking-out look is (I’m a guy after all). Not that I wanted to be hit on, but being checked-out meant I had achieved the Holy Grail. I was passable for that one moment.

Now putting all other things aside; I for once had an idea of what it must feel like to be a woman. For one it’s a pain in the butt! It takes a lot of time and work. Second, I always thought when I was checking-out a hot chick that she liked it. Now I know that’s not the case. It’s actually a little scary (I didn’t want to get mauled outside the restroom). I didn’t use the restroom, but that’s where my mind went. Heels hurt after two hours. Fully dressed up, there really is no sexual excitement since everything is tucked, strapped and taped in place. Glue on nails (you use super glue) and make up removal is scary. Why? Well, hell, I didn’t know if it was ALL going to come off. In the end everything came off, and I was back to being Jim.

The thing is, I’m a different Jim than I was before. This Jim doesn’t want to judge people anymore. Now I don’t care if you’re Straight, Gay or whatever. Now I’m not looking at that six-foot-plus tall woman and wondering if she’s a crossdresser like me but brave enough to be out and about.

Now I’m just confused as to why there is so little sexual excitement from dressing like there was in the past. Now when I dress, I want to sit in my chair and drink a glass wine as this profound calm and peace wash over me. This is the part I do not understand the most. Why? Why does it feel this way now? I’m going to accept this and try to find a way to enjoy it and to make it part of my life.

I guess my bottom line is you not only need to, you must, tell your wife/SO about your thrill of cross dressing. Without doing so you are keeping a part of you in hiding and keeping a secret from the only person more important than yourself. Will it be easy to do? No, it won’t. Will it be scary? Yes, yes it will. Will it make things better or worse? I just don’t know. What I do know is that the guilt of hiding it from your wife/SO will go away, and you’ll be able to say something like, “Honey I’m going to lock the bedroom door and spend an hour or two as Jamie.”
It’s worked for us so far.

Thanks for taking the time to read my article girls! Now if you would like to comment on the article or respond to one or more of the questions I’ve posed to you below, feel free to do so!

  • Have you told your wife about your thrill of cross dressing yet or are you still deep in that secret cross dressing closet?
  • Have you ever been out in public in total girl mode and have been checked out by an amiring guy and if you have, how did you feel about being checked out by a guy or several guys?
  • What are some of the limitations your wife or SO places on your thrill of cross dressing?

Thank you all for your time and responses! Sincerely, Jamie!

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Jamie Kane

I'm just a guy who enjoys dressing up. I love Military history and collected Quite a few WWII items. I've been married for over 30 years and have an adult son. I've worked on Aircraft in the Navy and was a Cable TV Technician. Yes, that included climbing Telephone poles. I currently work at a local college. I'm a Veteran and I love computer games, not consoles ( I just can't use the controller).

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Ellie Mae
Member
Active Member
1 month ago

I got caught after 36 years of hiding my crossdressing from my former wife and she said it was a marriage killer. I had suspected that is how she would react so decided to never tell her. She was right my dressing and finally coming out as transgender was a marriage killer but absolutely necessary for me to live my truth or die and ugly alcoholic death.

Natalie Elizabeth
Active Member
1 month ago

Jamie, Thank you for such a thoughtful article. My wife has known all of our 27 years of marriage. Her support is wonderful and it has evolved (as has Natalie) over the years. I am getting to the point where going out in public with her is a very real possibility. I’ve been out driving at night few times and even stopped to get gas. I have some things to get through first, but I am so looking forward to Natalie experiencing the world as she is. I find peace being Natalie and agree that there is a level of… Read more »

LisaT
Active Member
1 month ago

I came out to my wife a week ago. It’s been an exciting but nervous week as she has processed it. Wonderful support then she went quiet as more questions and doubts arose on her mind. I’ve had three pauses this week but it looks promising. We have even allocated space in the bedroom closets for my clothes and lingerie. That was so exciting after years of hiding them

Alice Black
Duchess
Active Member
1 month ago
Reply to  Lisa Thomas

My wife recently discovered my crossdressing. I had a pm session of CDH on my phone I had not cleared from phone history buffer. Phone buzzed and she was near phone and looked at it and saw the session. So I had to explain myself. She reacted with acceptance but does not want to see me doing it. And it was a good thing as we were moving and it was getting hard to hide my fem wardrobe. My wife is disabled so I have to do nearly all unpacking and unpacking. I got a concession from her that I… Read more »

LisaT
Active Member
1 month ago
Reply to  Alice Black

It’s still a developing situation here. She goes quiet every so often and I wonder what’s going on in her mind. She had fears of my turning completely femme and possibly transitioning. Re -assured her there. She as bothered that I might have been crossdressing all the time we have been together and that bothered her. Again I was able to set her mind at rest. Having spent a week able to wear panties all day she doesn’t like me in pastels it worries her on the gender front but I think she is just getting used to it. She… Read more »

Alice Black
Duchess
Active Member
1 month ago
Reply to  Lisa Thomas

My wife is also worried about transitioning. I told her that I cannot do that due to all my health problems. It would be risking my life. She has been very firm in not wanting to see me in women’s clothes. I think she is afraid that I would look better than her. She i overweight and cannot get into her dresses. She has a size 20 marroon velvet dress that fits me perfectly and is too small for her(I am size 18). I have the same dress in blue. I was wearing a long gold satin nighty last night… Read more »

LisaT
Active Member
1 month ago
Reply to  Alice Black

I was very touched today by her encouragement. A laundry load had a pair of lilac panties in and she said she thought they might be mine. I knew they were hers because I’d coveted them before tho never worn them. She gave them to me which was so.

LisaT
Active Member
1 month ago
Reply to  Jamie Kane

So true . It’s a very fragile situation. Lots of talking as she processes her feelings. I want to rush ahead and just be Lisa but that would be too much far to soon. I’m just settling now and allowing her space while celebrating having an open relationship once more.

Ricki
Member
1 month ago

I have dressed for years in the closet except for once at Halloween the wife thought it was unique and wondered how I was able to walk easily in heels for (the first time ). We played a bit with me dressed partially but soon she rejected that idea and I had to go back to dressing alone in the closet. I think it is wonderful that you have been able to visit both worlds. I would have liked to go out dressed in fem but have not had the courage to do it

Ricki
Member
1 month ago
Reply to  Jamie Kane

Hope you enjoy

Sarah Lane
Member
1 month ago

Thanks for sharing Jamie. I understand the thrill of Crossdressing and the excitement it can cause and I also understand the that excitement is no longer there but has been replaced with enjoyment instead. I have told my wife and she is accepting of me dressing up but I have yet to go as far as make up and have not ventured out in Public but it is a desire I do have to do one day. Building up the courage to tell my wife as it I know it will be much easier to have her help than trying… Read more »

Jackie Osborne
Duchess
Member
1 month ago

Love your story.axadently ran across it.you go girl .that would be so cool to have your wife except it at a level to make you feel comfortable with her..my exspiences like exactly your comment.be careful how excited you get about it around her.talk it slow and she still needs,and, want see the guy in her life. your probably so over whelmed about finally adding that spark in your marriage.exspecialy after 30yrs together and you probably always had that fetishes good luck.

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Rachel Berg
Member
1 month ago

I told my wife about 2years ago that I crossdressed. The stress from hiding was taking a toll on my body. It has definitely not been easy. Many ups and downs. She accepts that I dress but doesn’t want to see it and living on a island makes it difficult to get away. The ‘stay home, stay safe’ lockdown didn’t help. As all my feminine things were at a friend’s place hundreds of miles away. A month ago I was finally able to get back to their place. I had my first time out in public as Rachel. Just out… Read more »

Deena Smith
Member
1 month ago

A lovely article and one that so many of us can relate to.

I wish I could be more open but whenever I have dropped hints the reaction tells me to stay quiet.

Nancy Gamms
Duchess
Member
1 month ago

Thank you for sharing. I told my wife pre-marriage and she has found things over the years and I’ve quit and restarted many times. Yesterday she popped into my office and i had some photos of me on the screen. I closed it and she asked why are you looking at pictures. I told her they were of me and she said “I guess you haven’t quit.” I said it only last for a little while when you quit. She said she didn’t understand why i would keep pictures online, she has not seen this place. I asked if she… Read more »

Carla
Member
1 month ago

Jamie, I enjoyed reading your words. I’m so glad you’re happy and can relate to many of your words. I’ve been out seven months and it’s been a roller coaster. My wife accepts but then I always had a plan that when I told her I could play it down if her reaction was negative. She’s a wonderful woman and very open minded. She’s also straight talking. It’s this straight talking that’s caused some of the downs. I sit here on a Saturday evening with a glass of wine. We are watching tv due to the lockdown but i’m wearing… Read more »

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