I have been dressing for about half a century, starting well before puberty.  I have never felt like telling anyone who knows ‘him’ about ‘her’.  For starters I would be too embarrassed that they now knew that about me.  Whatever they said, however they acted, they would have additional knowledge that they had not known for all the time before. Unless they had a memory failure it is still, even these days, an unusual piece of information which is bound to have some impact whatever is said or thought.  Furthermore, what benefit do they get from knowing? Perhaps they could appreciate that I trusted them enough to have confided in them but is there anything else?  Do they now have to keep it to themselves?  Can they share that knowledge with their partner, best friend, acquaintance, work colleague, another who also crossdresses?  If none of the above then should I have asked, before divulging, if they should like to know something about me which only they can know and not let anyone else know?  Are they now obliged to provide me with one of their innermost secrets?  Do I in turn wish to know something like that about them, something that I in turn cannot divulge to another and must keep secret, even from my wife, for instance? In fact, before I tell anyone about my dressing should I clear it with my wife first?  Would she be comfortable with others having such knowledge about us, having information that currently, as far as I am aware, only she knows?

It is so much simpler to not tell another soul and as I said, that is my starting position and always has been. There is always the possibility that I might get caught or otherwise inadvertently give myself away; although that has always been a possibility, however many precautions I take.  My wife found out about me because I was careless. However, I have come across some who have deliberately confided in others and have positively relished doing so. They have not ‘come out’ but just shared themselves with one or two carefully selected close friends or colleagues and seemed to have found that liberating for them.  It just scares me silly.

I am not the least ashamed of who I am or what I do or have ever done.  I never consciously chose to crossdress. I tried not to but life got far more comfortable when I just accepted Linda was part of me, though I am no different. Linda has always been part of me and those who know me have also seen her in me.  We are one and the same, just the presentation differs.  On occasions Linda gets full control of the body which is attired, behaves and shows mannerisms as far as she can appropriate to her gender.  Do I need to account for or explain this to anyone else when I don’t understand it myself?  I don’t feel I am attempting to fool either myself or anyone else, I am just being me.  While society has moved miles in my lifetime in these respects, dressing to be a woman as much as possible is still off mainstream.  Does it say anything about me or those who I love or who love me?  I don’t think so at all, but might it if I was to tell anyone else what is essentially purely personal to me?

Unleash Your Inner Woman

So in answer to my title question, I think it is a firm “No” for me but I have no problem appreciating there are those for whom it is an equally firm “Yes”, though I’m certain they do so only after careful consideration of all the possible consequences for all concerned. That is way beyond me.

28 Comments
  1. Amanda Patrick 3 years ago

    Hi Linda,

    Who to tell ? I choose wisely if at all. Some days I just want to blurt it out to the world. other days I think what benefit does it do to tell people. The most important person my wife knows about me and knows I purchase things for my self and knows I have been out in public once although not really impressed with the public thing she allows me private time at home to dress. as long as she doesn’t see it. when I mention coming out to our kids both adults she is firmly against that she sees no purpose in them knowing and for the most part I do agree. what is the benefit of some folks knowing ? The people I want to know for now ( they know ) it may change as time goes on after all this a journey.

    Hugs,

    Amanda

  2. Trisha Seegmiller 3 years ago

    I am out 100%, I have never felt better. I had same doubts as you did, but realized that the social stigma was just a control that society uses to force conformity. You should never be afraid to be who you are, if people don’t accept it they are not needed in your life. Wish you the best.

  3. kenita 3 years ago

    my crossdressing started after my mom passed away in 76 I was 13 n very confused……I started wearing my sisters bikini n panties…..One day she caught me in a halter top n made me dress the whole way……then another time she caught me wearing her bikini…and made me lay out in the front yard sunbathing loved that to until the neighbor girls came up n seen me n of coarse the was the end of hiding they always dressed me in their clothes……it died down for a while I joined the service and wasn’t to happy dressed male…….got married for the first time 5 years into my marriage I felt like there were something missing ….It was kentia……I was married for 3 times all three exes left me…….now I live with a wonderful woman that knows all about me and thinks I should be dressed 24-7 as a female I have a-b cup breast thanks to mickie she is my best friend n lover.she ask me if I ever want to do oral things to a guy n I said I would try anything that makes her happy..

  4. Kathi Thrall 3 years ago

    What does it benefit anyone to know? It gives me pleasure and that what matters. I care not what others think except for close friends who would probably be confused by, that info.

    • Author
      Linda 3 years ago

      Thanks, I think we need to think of the first sentence of your comment Kathi before we unburden on anyone. Glad you have found the site and all the best with your ‘restart’.

    • Margie 3 years ago

      Like Linda stated – the first sentence is a valid question. But one answer could be the ability to not have to hide something and feel some guilt?

  5. Michelle 3 years ago

    My wife was aware of my crossdressing before we were married. She does not participate or encourage me in any way. I keep my body and legs smooth shaven; and would love for my wife to encourage, even better, order me to wear sheer nylons on a regular basis seeing as I keep my legs so feminine. She could even tease me about my crossdressing, calling me her feminine “husband bitch”. Thus; I’d enjoy a dominant side to her nature. Also; I’ve always had the fantasy and desire of her openly flirting with other men, and having an intimate relationship with another man. I’ve had these thoughts and feelings since before we were married, but could never find a way to tell her, as I didn’t want her to think I didn’t love her, and I didn’t think she could be open-minded or accepting enough to include them in our marriage. She’d also probably be totally shocked and pissed if she knew of my cuckold fantasies and videos I enjoy. Maybe too little; too late.

  6. Margie 3 years ago

    Linda, I fought with that question for so many years. I still do and now it’s become more pressing. When I came out to my wife in 2004 it was a disaster, she burnt my clothes in the kitchen sink. As time went by I could dress a little but had to wash my clothes separately. Then things got better to the point we would shop together. She would continue to be very accepting but then we always worried as to how the kids would act (daughter & son now in 40’s) if I told them. Her doctors knew and would always say they’d support us if I did. That was encouraging for sure. It’s been always me wanting to share it.

    Like what you mentioned the question becomes – telling one can mean that person may have some issues with it and now having to share it with say their spouse. It can become really involved. My wife was always concerned that if I should die our kids might think she might be the cause or encourage it. A good concern but I’m sure it would never happen, and to put her at ease I actually wrote a letter stating how I’ve always felt and if anything she was so supportive. I also told her that if there was ever a need for her to share with someone else, I’d never have a problem with that and I encouraged her to. I live in a small town and everyone knows everyone and we’ve always been well respected.

    Years go by till beginning of last year and we find out she has cancer. I immediately stopped all dressing and purged my wardrobe and grew a beard which she always loved. About June and things were going somewhat well I began to dress again and she said that I always changed for the better when I did. November we got the news that the cancer spread and there wasn’t much time. Stopped dressing again and she passed last month. The was a blessing to me in so many ways after 54 years, 50 being married.

    Now, the meat of my writing. I’ve started dressing again, bought a new wig, got some enhancers and shaved my body today. I’d always shaved every year, for a decade, from Nov to March and it would grow it back in time for swimming and the summer so the family wouldn’t know. I’m now torn about telling my kids with the explanation that mom would’ve accepted it and she always helped make me feel so great over the years, and now dressing seems to be a good way to get through my grieving process, knowing she’d understand.

    I know this is happening fast and I’m trying to do my best reasoning. I met with one of her doctors last week and posed the question to him. An answer was posed as a question “Does anyone really need to know everything?” My answer was “well, all I was thinking was I just wanted the kids to know how much I missed her and just one of the big reasons why”. For me it is a deep reason and who I really am. I have another appt. end of February!

    Geeez Louise … I can’t believe I’ve written this but I seem to feel real comfortable here and can share?? I’m all eyes, ears and whatever comes this way. Whew.

  7. Emily closet 2 years ago

    Thanks for sharing.
    I am firmly in the don’t tell category. Like you, I have been dressing for a very long time and find keeping it a secret the lesser of evils. These days I am struggling with this secret. I am sure their is an ebb & flow to the emotions…

    Peace
    Emily

  8. donna misteriosa 2 years ago

    Thank you Linda for sharing. I don’t want to burden any family members with my secret, cd’ing is for my benefit only! Yes, not having to worry of being discovered would be the only positive with me telling the wife or immediate family. To shift the burden onto them, IMO, is somewhat selfish. However, I appreciate the support and understanding from the like minded ladies in the CDH community-thank you ladies.

    • Maxine Anderson 1 year ago

      I agree,I would not introduce all my friends to my family and other friends.They know me as who I am,maybe they would not get along with Maxine.

  9. Allanna Martiansky 9 months ago

    Well after reading other comments on Linda’s dilemma, seems like it is a very common problem that we, including myself, wrestle with most of the time! However with myself, which has been going on for near 50 yrs-cant believe it??? I feel good and so complete when i assume the person on the inside on the outside also!! Had a like minded friend three years ago and we were so supportive with each other, we went out enfem many times, but then she had to move to La, and that was a breakup that sent me back into the closet! Still looking for that new fem-mate to again enjoy the real me! –Allanna

Leave a reply

Subscribe To Our Newsletter

Subscribe To Our Newsletter

Join our mailing list to receive the latest news and updates from Crossdresser Heaven.

You have Successfully Subscribed!

Log in with your credentials

or    

Forgot your details?

Create Account