Being Someone in Between


It is a warm summer evening.  After a five-hour trip from Frankfurt, I arrive at the ETAP Hotel in a suburb of Munich.  Exploring the neighborhood, I notice a romantic, but overgrown, garden restaurant.  In the cool shade of the trees, I ordered a small bite to eat and a drink before returning to my latest book, A Man in Velvet and Silk.  Being occupied with something has always given me a feeling of security on the one hand and a feeling of importance on the other hand.  From time to time, I look up and observe newly arriving guests.

A couple with a dog sits down at the table next to me.  Of all my fellow guests, this singular couple draws my attention, and I cannot help, but watch them out of the corner of my eye.  The lady is dressed in a tight, black leather skirt and a red blouse with a low neckline.  The gentleman wears a black pair of jeans, a black T-shirt and a heavy gold chain around his neck.  His face is tanned with big moustache, and he is smoking a pipe.  I stare at him with full admiration.  He is a man’s man, one of those really fantastic looking proud men out of a Hollywood film.  I look down at myself.  What do I see — a man in a woman’s dress with fake breasts and hips, a wig, and makeup.   What the hell am I doing in this turn-out in Munich?  Who or what am I?  I am neither fully a man nor fully a woman.

I am something in between on the long gender line between male on the one side and female on the other side.  With a strong self-confidence, I am able to tell others and myself, “Today I am a woman.”   It is only with that convincing inner attitude towards your own femininity that your alter ego can shine through the male body.  At the moment, I am Stella and I am a lady from head to toe.  The transition occurs within moments of stepping into the public.  As Stella, I automatically put aside all the male traits of my alter ego.  Stella walks and sits upright with legs together and arms close to the body, not like a cowboy or a sailor.  Stella eats and drinks elegantly and uses a napkin.  With a mysterious smile on her face, Stella’s conversation is calm and friendly with slight gestures of her hands.  She is chattier, though, than her male counterpart.  With the transformation complete, I am even treated by the male world as the lady that Stella is — men let Stella go first, men keep doors open.  To be honest, this self-confident lady was not born overnight.  It has taken years of experimenting and molding and observing genetic ladies.

Makeup Magic

The next morning in the breakfast room of the hotel, the head waiter greets me, “Good morning Mrs. Friedrich.  This is just a gift from the hotel management.”  With these words he hands me a magazine, The Lady´s Journal, with a sticker that reads, “The smart lady stays overnight at the ETAP Hotel.”   I really felt flattered.  Later during my trip, I visited the Bavarian State Opera to enjoy a performance of Manon Lescaut by Puccini.  Wearing an evening dress, I was welcomed by a man in livery who directed me toward my seat with “I wish you a pleasant evening, madam.”  Madam — was there an ironic undertone in his voice?  No, there was not; he was serious and genuine.  Again, I feel flattered.

After enjoying five days as Stella in Munich, I arrive back home.  With a heavy heart, I changed to my male persona again.  My feminine alter ego seems to be quite strong and convincing.  I am thankful for these positive experiences.  They have allowed my inner lady to grow stronger and stronger which in turn helps her to shine through and even step out of my male body as characteristics of my male persona vanish more and more.  The self-fulfilment of my femininity in the person of Stella does me good as a man concerning my physical wellbeing and emotional balance — no more migraines and self-doubt and lessened aggressiveness and unrest.   As Stella, I want to thank my wife for these wonderful days of liberation and the opportunity to live my feminine alter ego without shame, without a twinge of guilt, and without hiding away.

In closing, I would like to share one of my favourite quotes by Anaïs Nin: “And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.”

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Stella Friedrich

I am Stella from Frankfurt in Germany. I am married to an understanding wife, who has known about Stella for about 20 years now. She is not really delighted about my crossdressing and wishes it were different. Which wives say: "Hurrah, my husband is a crossdresser!" So far I have met none.

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  1. Danielle Devine 7 months ago

    A wonderful article Stella. Thank you. It is hopeful and affirming for us all!

  2. Marianne 2 years ago

    Wonderful story and gorgeous picture.


  3. nancy 2 years ago

    Nice story

  4. Michelle Johnson 2 years ago

    I totally relate to this story. I Love the growth and being so self confident, As soon as I dress as Michelle I slow down and think about how I speak and act unlike my bruttish blue collar male side. Learning to become a Lady is so much fun and challenging at the same time. It has been a nice surprise how fast I have been learning and becoming how I feel. It is so freeing and natural feeling. I am so Happy I can’t stop smiling when I am her. The occasional adrenalin rush is a blast too. I am so much better for constantly conquering my fears and doubts. Pushing forward. Getting past the criticisms. Becoming Whole. Loving Yourself is the Key. Accept who you are becoming. Sorry letting my positive self talk spill out. Happy Transitions Everyone.
    Sincerely, Michelle

  5. Vera Jane Gonsalves 2 years ago

    You described your evening so well…I felt I was there…enjoying myself as a woman….though I have not been to Munich… or worn an evening dress….. for the closeted, shy people like me reading such articles is really exciting…and fulfilling in a small measure.
    Vera Jane

  6. Lea 2 years ago

    Stella, love the quote you ended with!

    To grow, to achieve, to succeed in anything, it all requires taking the risk. I admire that you have the confidence to try, to achieve what it is you desire, even if it’s just for a short time.

    My daily struggle is being a guy, in a guy’s world, wishing to dress like a woman, even for a little bit, and have not impact to my guy’s world. Sadly, I’m not ready for that risk, but I do desire to blossom someday.

    I like that word “blossom” – sadly, this crossdressing part of us holds the bud tight and others never see the beautiful flowers we all are.

  7. *skippy1965(Cynthia) 2 years ago

    Excellent article Stella! I am still exploring my pwn gender issues and do no yet know where they will lead me. I hope that one day Cyn will blossom and stay open even if the weather turns chilly and it seems easier to fold under again


  8. Mia 2 years ago

    Thank you Stella for sharing your wonderful experience. The woman in me only appears only when the moon is full. The male dominates the rest. I am not married nor committed to any one at the present although I wish there’s a man out there who can understand the lifestyle I have chosen. I am very much attracted to a very macho man.
    Role playing in bed is what I intensely desire in my relationship…and in my head I keep playing that song..”someday he’ll come along…the man I love and he’ll be big and strong…”

  9. charlie 2 years ago

    Thank you Stella for that is so true and well put.

  10. Wonderful story Stella! I too, am fully “April” when I am out as April. Being able to become my alter ego on occasion actually makes me enjoy my male time more. Glad you are able to get away and that you have an understanding wife.


  11. Terri 2 years ago

    Thank you Stella for posting your story. The joy that I feel the times I’m able to get away as Terri is only explainable to another TG. My wife doesn’t like me going away or even just going out for a evening. But she knows that I must do it. Your trip sounded lovely. My wife and I visited Munich in 1971 on our honeymoon. It was a great time.
    Yours Terri

  12. Pattie 2 years ago

    Great Article Stella 🙂

  13. What a lovely article. It is wonderful to be seen they way we present! The gratification received by hearing someone say Madame, ma’am, miss, etc…it is an immeasurable feeling. Thank you for sharing this wonderful experience.

  14. Bronwyn 2 years ago

    Like you Stella i must live two lives, unlike you, i keep my feminine life locked indoors. It”s been that way for all my cd/male life. My feminine self is much more outgoing but my male self has dominance and refuses to let the female in me outdoors. It’s a cross i have to carry sadly. Bronwyn

  15. Krista 2 years ago

    This is a very lovely story Stella. Thank You for sharing it.

    About that “man’s man” at the next table. I’ve learned that everyone, even a “man’s man” has some sort of issues with which they are dealing. Some folks are betting at hiding them, or worse turning a blind eye to their issues (which usually comes back to haunt them). He may have been looking at you and thinking, “My, I admire that lady at the next table, she looks so confident and secure”.

    I’d love to hear more of your stories of travels around Europe.
    All the Best,
    Hugs, Krista

  16. Giselle Reeves 2 years ago

    great story Stella walk proudly sister

  17. Leonara 2 years ago

    Thank you for sharing your “Munich experience”. You are quite a writer..

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