Spark to Flame

The persona of Codille was born September 16, 1983 out of the mind of a confused teenager, probably not unlike quite a few of you.  The last name Benton was added much later.  The term crossdresser certainly was not a mainstream term, and at that point, I am sure that I had never heard of it.  I really had no resources for which to look or anyone to whom to turn.  So while dressing, confusion reigned in a hormonal teen.

Then this strange system called the World Wide Web blossomed in the early 90’s.  AOL and dial-up let the world start talking to each other.  Well, as most of us know, support sites for crossdressers were nonexistent and what was out there were sex-chat sites.  The information highway was not yielding information and the cycle continued.  The term crossdresser came to light as an identifier and the information that the phenomenon called crossdressing was not just being done by ourselves, but by others as well.  Sex sites, though, were still the only thing crossdressing related on the Web.

Fast forward twenty years to 2007,  little progress with regard to genuine support had been made.  A site, a web journal really, was started by an amazing person who needed to chronicle the process of transitioning as both a personal outlet and an avenue to help and communicate with others.  That person is the woman who we know today as Vanessa Law, founder of the site, CrossdresserHeaven.com.  For four years Vanessa logged her personal experiences and information all while trying to find the end of the yellow brick road which she did in 2011.  She did one of the bravest things in baring of her soul with her writing (which is still available on the site).  I am blessed to have gotten to know her better over the last two years.

From 2011 to 2015, Crossdresserheaven.com was idle.  For some reason that I still have not figured out, Vanessa felt the need to relaunch the site in February of 2015 , not as a blog, but as a support site.  Well, having used every search engine and keyword known to man or woman,  I  stumble across this fledgling support site a few months later.   I mean it was a REAL support site and like nothing that I had ever seen before on the web.  Why?  Because there was and is nothing like it.  All of you here reading this know this through your own experiences.

Visit Transgender Heaven

The site was so new in those days.  I often introduce myself as member 62.  Claudia C was member 55.  We probably joined within two days of each other; she beat me by THAT much.  At the time, the forums were our main resource and way of talking to each other (and still are the best place for resources), the majority of the articles were still written by Vanessa, and the groups were starting to form slowly.  But for the first time in my life, I was not alone and was talking to people about real things – general life, coming out to friends and family, clothing, make-up issues, heck I still have wig problems.  This wasn’t a sex site, but a true support site.

In June of 2015, Vanessa got the silly idea that she needed help moderating the site, maybe all of 500 members at that time, and ask Claudia and myself to become the first Ambassadors.  I think there are times she is very glad that she asked the two of us, and other times that she is like “What have I done?”, but you will have to ask her.  And the site started to grow; a lot was just by word of mouth.  In December of 2015, the big mistake was made – Vanessa graciously asked me to head the now-growing team of probably six or seven Ambassadors and help her find more.  We were now global.  We have Ambassadors hailing from England, Australia and 3 of the 4 time zones in the United States (we now have Canada as well).  Crossdresser Heaven was becoming truly that, a peaceful place for crossdressers to come and get support and friendship without ridicule from the outside world.

Fast forward again.  On June 1, 2016, I retire from my past life and come onboard officially as Managing Ambassador.  I now possess all the power to blow the site up because I have no idea what the heck the technology that Vanessa just turned over to me is. We are at a dozen Ambassador and 5848 members.  We have added Local Places to Go, a Significant Others Group, and of course by now, Chat is up, alive and thriving.

With more ideas on the drawing board, I am thinking can this really be for real?  I mean, after personally searching for thirty years, could a community like this finally be real and am I a part of it?  Yes, it is, and here we are!  All of us were looking for a friend, someone that understood what at least a little we were thinking, and a place where we are free just to talk and grow from each other.

That brings us to today.  When, in December of 2015, I took over the Ambassadors, Crossdresserheaven.com was the #47 hit when you Googled searched Crossdresser Support — we are now #1.  In 8 months, we have gone from twelve Ambassadors to twenty-six now on our roster.  And now my personal reason for writing this article, in 1983, I was alone in the dark and confused.  Today I am proud to say that I was the 62nd registered member of Crossdresser Heaven, a family that hit a major milestone with NOW over 10,000 registered Members.  THANK YOU for finding our little, well maybe not so little anymore, corner of the web and being a part of this growing and thriving community.

 

Yours Truly,

Codille Benton

Managing Ambassador, Crossdresserheaven.com

EnFemme

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April (Pacific Princess)
Ambassador
Active Member

Codille – I can’t believe it still hasn’t been a year since I first joined the site. I feel like CDH is such an integral part of my life that I can’t imagine not having it. In less than a year I’ve gone from hating my life and who I was to embracing my life and who I am. And I know CDH and all the wonderful girls here are a big part of that turnaround. You are doing an amazing job hon! I met my BFF here (you know who you are girl) and I have been honored to… Read more »

Caren' class='avatar avatar-64 photo' height='64' width='64' />
Caren
7 years ago

This site has been a Godsend. I am grateful for the few true friends that have made themselves known to me as well as being made aware of those who use sites like this to fulfill their “urges".Thank you Codille and Vanessa for giving us a place to believe in ourselves. I have been a member off and on for almost two years and I love you all!

Caren' class='avatar avatar-64 photo' height='64' width='64' />
Caren
7 years ago

Codille,this site is a place where we can be ourselves! Thanks again to you and Vanessa for caring.

Dara
Dara
7 years ago

I have been searching for a support group for too long , now that i have one hopefully i can find the strength to talk .

Codille Benton Baer
Ambassador
Member
7 years ago
Reply to  Dara

Dara,

Raise your voice! People deserve to hear what your thoughts and opinions are!!!!

Codille

Gracie
Lady
Member
6 years ago
Reply to  Dara

I’ve been looking for a long time myself. I’ve never been open about this before and it’s a intimidating thing for me

zena simmons
zena simmons
7 years ago

If more people would understand us girls and not criezise or make such big deal of the way we dress up I know we’re not all real women but we try be can’t help their more equipped they to sometimes wished there body’s are different that’s part of problem their changing from female to males the same with guy’s\ zena

RUBYDE
RUBYDE
7 years ago

its because we love women so much we emulate them

Katie' class='avatar avatar-64 photo' height='64' width='64' />
Katie
7 years ago

Where is the best place to buy lingerie and dresses/skirts and all the stuff us wannabe girls need

Thomas Coleman
Lady
7 years ago

I go to womens specialty shops like CJ Banks. They are great there, make you feel welcome and don’t make a deal out of the changing rooms. Macy’s and JC Penny are good too since they always have a ton of clearance especially plus size

Melanie' class='avatar avatar-64 photo' height='64' width='64' />
Melanie
7 years ago
Reply to  Thomas Coleman

I agree with you totally. As long as we are polite, respectful of the other customers and the business owners, I have NEVER had a problem shopping in a women’s store / department. In fact the opposite has been true. I have had more than one store associate tell me they wished the cis-gender women were as nice and reasonable to deal with. In addition to CJ Banks, I would also like to add Catherine’s, Layne Bryant, Dress Barn, Torrid and Dillards to the list. All have proven to be very welcoming, trans-friendly and inclusive; not to mention, more than… Read more »

Thomas Coleman
Lady
7 years ago
Reply to  Thomas Coleman

I’ve actually applied at Dress Barn recently for a stock position. Hope I get it!

Sophie Frenchie
Member
Sophie Frenchie
7 years ago

Dear Codille, I would just like to say, that I am so very happy to have found this site. It really is an oasis in the world, especially for those of us that live in remote and rural parts of the world. And yes I confirm your point that there isn’t anything else like this out there. I need to find some support in my life this year as here in the Centre of France I haven’ managed to find anything – not a surprise to be honest. So, in the absence of anyone I can talk to face to… Read more »

MaryJo
Baroness
Member
6 years ago

This site was an unbelievable find for me on Google+. I’m so glad you helped the site along, and that it continues to be a help to so many, including myself.

Gracie
Lady
Member
6 years ago

I had a similar experience a year or so ago at Victoria Secret. I was Christmas shopping and one of the sales ladies just straight up asked if I was interested in a free sizing and fitting session and didn’t even bat a eye. I’m still noooowhere near comfortable enough to do something like that. However, it caught me off guard at how she didn’t even think twice to ask. I wonder if they ask every customer or if they just have an idea….hmmm

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