Sometimes the men of God make me ashamed to be a Christian

In his quest to make ‘real men’ out of his parishioners Ken Hutcherson, pastor at the Antioch Bible Church in Kirkland, WA was quoted in a recent sermon saying:

“God hates soft men” and “God hates effeminate men.” He went on to say, “If I was in a drugstore and some guy opened the door for me, I’d rip his arm off and beat him with the wet end.”

Is that his answer to the question ‘What would Jesus Do?’

Perhaps king David was delusional when he said:

‘For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.’ – Psalms 139:13-14

Maybe the apostle John was misquoted in his old age when he said:

“Dear friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God. Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God. Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love.” – 1 John 7-8

It seems ‘God is love’ only holds as long as you’re not a soft man. And by soft, could Hutcherson perhaps mean: ‘sensitive, caring, kind and gentle’? Yes, that’s what I picture when I think of a soft man. It also sounds suspiciously like the fruits of the Holy spirit mentioned in Galatians 5:22. I guess that makes me worthy to be ‘beaten with the wet end’ of my own arm.

Now, pastor Ken tries to pass this off as a joke. If we believe him, it’s one made in extremely poor taste. Joke or no, I think it points to something deeper – to the doctrine of hate being preached in so many churches across the country.

It is unfortunate that senior leadership among many Christian denominations has allowed themselves to be defined by what they hate. Anti-abortion and anti-gay. Against pre-marital sex and against gay marriage. Somewhere in all the rhetoric, the message of hope, faith and love Jesus Christ came to preach is lost. Along with that, we Christians are losing the ability to influence others for the kingdom of God. We are no longer seen as a refuge from the world, but rather a group of people who will heap on judgement and guilt until the fragile, broken person has been molded into our own version of Christian virtue and purity. We no longer love people as they are, but rather as we believe they should be. Those who don’t conform are quickly tossed aside. Demonized and alone.

In the word’s of Dr Seuss, the Christian church is quickly becoming those who ‘don’t matter’.

“Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind.” –  Dr Seuss

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  1. pamala mcclure 12 years ago

    Hi, Well that preacher is way off base. To hold the dor for someone is just a polite thing to do and has nothing to do with your gender. He sopunds like a REDNECK and a fool to boot.


  2. Vanessa 12 years ago

    Thanks Lynn,

    It’s great that you know Christians like that! I haven’t been as blessed as you to meet many Christians like that.

    But you’re right, it’s those folks who make all the difference!

  3. Toby 12 years ago

    All church’s teach a lot of crap, rather then the
    Truth about God. I looked for many years and all I
    found were crap like: 1) “God needed another angel”.
    God is not a crewel God, He has millions of angels
    already. 2) There is a purpose as to why so many
    bad things are happening. It is all do to a statement
    that satan said. He said NO ONE would ever follow
    the True God, Jehovah. So the sanctity of Gods name
    is at steak. You can see for yourself why we call
    God Jehovah. See: Psalms 83:18 The preachers don’t
    like people to find out about God. It would hurt
    their pocket book! 3)

    Jesus is God
    Whoever came up with that, should be stoned!
    Jesus was transformed into a human, and placed
    on earth to do two things. Die for out sins,
    and Taught his deciples how to preach about God.

    As a son, Jesus ascribed superior authority, knowledge and greatness to his Father. He stated: “This sitting down at my right hand and at my left is not mine to give, but it belongs to those for whom it has been prepared by my Father.” (Matt. 20:23) “Concerning that day or the hour nobody knows, neither the angels in heaven nor the Son, but the Father.” (Mark 13:32) “Why do you call me good? Nobody is good, except one, God.” (Mark 10:18) “The Father is greater than I am.” (John 14:28) Jesus acknowledged his Father as his God. Just before his death he cried out: “My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?” (Matt. 27:46) Then, after his resurrection, he told Mary Magdalene: “I am ascending to my Father and your Father and to my God and your God.” (John 20:17) Finally, in a revelation to the apostle John, Jesus Christ identified himself as the first of God’s creations, saying: “These are the things that the Amen says, the faithful and true witness, the beginning of the creation by God.”—Rev. 3:14; John 1:14; Col. 1:15.

    The trinity does not exist.
    You will NOT find it in the Bible anywhere. WHY?
    Once again, they do not want Gods name mentioned.
    Hell does not exist. It is referd to as sheol or hades:

    What Kind of Place Is Hell?
    MILLIONS of persons have been taught by their religions that hell is a place where people are tormented. According to the Encyclopædia Britannica, “The Roman Catholic Church teaches that hell . . . will last forever; its suffering will have no end.” This Catholic teaching, the encyclopedia goes on to say, “is still held by many conservative Protestant groups.” Hindus, Buddhists and Muhammadans also teach that hell is a place of torment. No wonder that people who have been taught this often say that if hell is such a bad place they do not want to talk about it.

    2 This raises the question: Did Almighty God create such a place of torment? Well, what was God’s view when the Israelites, following the example of peoples who lived nearby, began to burn their children in fire? He explains in his Word: “They have built the high places of Topheth, which is in the valley of the son of Hinnom, in order to burn their sons and their daughters in the fire, a thing that I had not commanded and that had not come up into my heart.”—Jeremiah 7:31.

    3 Think about this. If the idea of roasting people in fire had never come into God’s heart, does it seem reasonable that he created a fiery hell for those who do not serve him? The Bible says, “God is love.” (1 John 4:8) Would a loving God really torment people forever? Would you do so? Knowing of God’s love should move us to turn to his Word to find out just what hell is. Who go there, and for how long?

    Gods Attributes
    Gods attributes are: Love, Justice, Wisdom & Power
    Some of God’s primary attributes are love (1Jo 4:8), wisdom (Pr 2:6; Ro 11:33), justice (De 32:4; Lu 18:7, 8), and power (Job 37:23; Lu 1:35). He is a God of order and of peace. (1Co 14:33) He is completely holy, clean and pure (Isa 6:3; Hab 1:13; Re 4:8); happy (1Ti 1:11); and merciful (Ex 34:6; Lu 6:36). Many other qualities of his personality are described in the Scriptures.

    Our Purpose
    Matthew says it best. (Matthew 28:19) Go therefore and make disciples of people of all the nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the holy spirit.

    (Matthew 24:14) And this good news of the kingdom will be preached in all the inhabited earth for a witness to all the nations; and then the end will come.

    This is why we go from door-to-door. We want people
    to know that God has many blessings in store for all
    of us.

    If you find this interesting, please write back and
    I will tell you what God has in store for us all!


    • jennifer 10 years ago

      I think the trinity is misunderstood rather than nonexistant. Most times i don’t WANT TO HEAR preaching against crossdressing and tg because i want to be tg.Why can’t God exist,demonstrating his love for us through his son,with a supernatural bond between him,his son, and us, through the holy spirit? Its like this, sometimes, even though my mom is miles and miles away, i know she is thinking about me because i can feel her presence, like i did when i was a baby.Why not with God?

  4. Vanessa 12 years ago

    Toby, if Jesus is not God, who do you believe He is?
    Many times Jesus refers to himself as God, forgives sin, and calls himself the ‘I Am’. These are all forthright declarations that He is God.

  5. Leah Gray aka creativeblogger 11 years ago

    I have dated a few guys, three of whom happened to be effeminate, now not only were they MORE manly in the bedroom than any of the outwardly macho manly men but they were more considerate, able to use their own initiative and by far the best guys a female can date assuming of course they are straight.

    They are sexy, sensitive and hot.

    I have spoken to other female pals who say the same. Effeminate men are man beasts in the bedroom.

    That religious guy is NOT a man of God, he’s an absolute berk and he was wearing a dress to give that sermon no doubt 😉

    • Ragina 10 years ago

      Hello Leah, I’m Ragina. I am a crossdresser and have been so for many years. My wife and I would agree with you, although I do not come off as effeminate, she does think that I am a better person as a whole than these so called macho men. I do love to be Ragina whenever I have the time, but I am also 100% male at the same time when it calls for that part of me to be out. I apreciate your insights and wish you well. And do please give us male crossdressers a second look as a partner, I believe that you’ll be amazed, provided that you keep an open mind.
      All my best, Ragina

      • Charles/Charlene 9 years ago

        Christianity is a complex paradox. There are hard a**, intolerant and hateful preachers and there are warm, loving, accepting ones. The history of christianity has been filles with incredible miracle-working saints, and incredible evil butchers. Crusades and Inquisitions, and also massive disaster relief and charity. Seems like everybody loaded in on the bandwagon.
        Thankfully there has lately been an increasing number of churches that are warmly accepting Perhaps one should "shop arond" for a church where they feel at home.
        If you don't know where or how, you can start with the Unitarian-Universalists and check out their website.
        You can check them out in the yellow pages, or with the directory on their website, (
        I have attended many times wearing a skirt and feminine shoes. It doesn't seem to bother any of them.

        Another church that makes it a strong point is the Metropolitan Comunity Churches.

  6. Monic, Ernie 10 years ago

    I’m a Christian that wants to know God, but wrap in himself, listening to the lyrics “The man in the mirror” I need to make a change. I was born with KlineFelter Syndrome 47XXXY Since 5 I wanted to be a she, ended as a shemale, When I look out my eyes I feel woman, but when I look in the mirror I need to change back, I want to serve God, I’m wrapped in me, when I should have my eyes on Him. pray for me. I have breast almst a D cup, been taking Pueraria Mirifica 500 mg. buy them on ebay $5.99 I want to serve Him, how do I win my will to him when feeling me is beautiful, I love me and I can love my neighbor, take this from me, how do I love my neighbor? I did say pray for me. I want 2010 to be better then my balance life. I am born again, the only thing I can’t let go is this life style, am I doomed.

    • Monica 10 years ago

      Pueraria Mirifica: I’m a Christian that wants to know God, but wrap in himself, listening to the lyrics “The man in the mirror” I need to make a change. I was born with KlineFelter Syndrome 47XXXY Since 5 I wanted to be a she, ended as a shemale, When I look out my eyes I feel woman, but when I look in the mirror I need to change back, I want to serve God, I’m wrapped in me, when I should have my eyes on Him. pray for me. I have breast almst a D cup, been taking Pueraria Mirifica 500 mg. buy them on ebay $5.99 I want to serve Him, how do I win my will to him when feeling me is beautiful, I love me and I can love my neighbor, take this from me, how do I love my neighbor? I did say pray for me. I want 2010 to be better then my balance life. I am born again, the only thing I can’t let go is this life style, am I doomed, or am I okay?
      not monic; but Monica. as shemale, all my life I wanted two things, being a shemale and having breast D cups, now that I have both I want to become the Christian I am called; I am transitioning to look more male on my face, but my body is soft, no hair below the neck, due to female hormones most of my life. Vanessa; help me understand I’m okay for being born this way? God healed my past, how do I surrender this life?

  7. jennifer 9 years ago

    i am always getting comments and prayers about being some kind of hero spiritually. i am so tired of that.People always elate my given name to a bible charachter when they pray for me. I am not like that at all. In fact all i want is to become a woman so i can know God intimately, free to worship with and among other women.I feel ashamed when people pray according to what they see as my natural gender. Id rather hide behind eye shadow and lipstick than get those kind of prayers. Jesus said "if you seek me you will find me" It goes without saying that if you seek gods word from a man you will merely get a spiritual opinion.You can hear God's voice when you read his word, uninfluenced by men's opinions

  8. Thorin25 8 years ago

    The things that preacher was saying were dumb. As a fellow preacher, I would love to gently talk to him and explain to him why it was such a dumb thing to say. I like how you brought up the fruits of the Holy Spirit. A real man has self control, gentleness, faithfulness, peace, etc.

    Unfortunately preachers and churches like him get all the media attention. A few very outspoken churches are in the news all the time and pretty soon that is what people think of all of Christianity. And then the majority of churches in our country who love others with grace and forgiveness and are preaching truth, they are mostly ignored.

    It’s true that most churches are not accepting of homosexual practice, or crossdressing practice, or abortion. But that is because God’s Word is their standard about what is right and wrong, not the whims of our culture. But those churches are still mostly loving to those people, rather than full of hate.

    Further, you talk about the good news of the Gospel is all about love. That is true mostly. But the true Gospel also includes repentance for sin. And it includes trying to live for God in the way he told us to live, in gratitude for the salvation and forgiveness he gave us. We don’t try to rid sin from our lives in order to earn God’s love, we try to stop sinning because of God’s love and forgiveness already in our lives. We also realize that the Bible says full true joyful life is found in obeying God’s commands while sinful actions lead to death and a fruitless life. So we have many good reasons to avoid sin in our lives, and seek the fruits of the Holy Spirit.

    But it would be a false Gospel that said, you just have to trust in Jesus, and then continue to do whatever the heck you want.

    If people aren’t living as God wants them to, that doesn’t mean we should toss them aside, ignore them, or spend our time judging them. We give them the good news of the Gospel and call them to true life in Jesus. We love them, and forgive them for whatever they have done in the past. We listen, we try to understand. But we can do all of that without saying, “what you are doing is okay.” Once we come to know Jesus, Jesus calls us to deny ourselves and follow him. That can be a hard process. We all have things we have to give up, and for some of us that might mean giving up crossdressing.

    • Dick 5 years ago

      Re: Thorin25. I find you are a good example of the tolerance that all of the alternate lifestyle folk need to find their way out of their situation.

      Christ came to save sinners. Anyone who does an act that God has spoken against is a sinner. Does He forgive the sinner? Yes, He said He would and He does. But He still hates the sin – and He asks that the sinner repent and sin no more. (woman at the well, temple prostitute, etc) There is the hard part.

      It is hard to give up sinning once you’re “into it” a deep amount.
      But you must work at giving up the sin as best you can. He’s watching!

      Will you be successful? It’s not likely you can do it “cold turkey”, but each step you take to stop sinning is another step closer to God. He respects your effort.
      For what is the purpose of men and women? It’s to know, love and serve Him. …and you can’t do that if all you ever want to do is sin.

      So, remember: God loves the sinner, but hates the sin.

      That’s why He said in Revelations: The sexually immoral will not see heaven. Rev 22:14, 15
      give a fair representation of God’s intentions regards all who find difficulty in these areas.

      It is true, all of the alternate lifestyle folk may be the greatest in kindness, love (not just eros), and be a spectacular person. But God, forgiving as He is, does seem to draw the line fairly plainly (if we’ll listen).

      With some of the pleasures experienced in this area, it is often thought of as a “heaven on earth moment”. But God is real, and our love of Him is actually more important than the temporary pleasures of the sin. We all must make Him the One to worship. We must follow the “course” He laid out in the Bible. Christ taught it. He’s a great example, -and He never sinned.

      I love you, all of you. And it would give me great pleasure if any found this helpful. I felt led to speak it out as I saw it. God bless you all.

  9. Kimberly 5 years ago

    Thank you for these posts Vanessa. They’re very insightful and bring me hope. I too am a Chrisitan and I crossdress. I’ve been on a spiritual search for for who God really is and have had to almost completely demolish everything I’d ever been taught growing up and start new with the few very basic things that are absolutely vital to this way of faith. I feel I’m over much of the guilt with crossdressing and have accepted this as a part of who I am, though some remains to a degree since I’m still closeted. I think anyone can argue in favor of and beat the dead horse that is Deut. 22:5, and many crossdressers and trans people may be thinking “DUH, we’ve heard that a million times!”, but that whole argument completely draws focus away from Christ and focuses on a person and how sinful they are, which God already knows and to which the Law can attest. I remember a sermon I heard a few years ago about a pastor who wanted to reach out to one of his neighbors. His neighbor would always agree to listen to him about Jesus but wanted to do so while having beers, since he knew the pastor didn’t drink and knew what the pastor believed about drinking. The senior pastor corrected the pastor on how the Bible addresses drinking and drunkeness and one day the pastor finally got to share his faith with his neighbor and both had a beer, though the pastor didn’t think beer was very tasty at the time. The point was the pastor worshiped God and used beer to reach out to his neighbor and did so without worshiping beer and getting wasted. The focus was ultimately God and I think crossdressers can do the same thing. Your blog and your posts about this topic being one way. Again, thank you very much for your posts. God bless.

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