🌟 Staff Spotlight: Meet Allie, Assistant Managing Ambassador, Video 🌟

Hi!  I’m Allie.  I have just recently been appointed Managing Ambassador, Video.  I will be responsible for creating, curating and leading the video section on CDH.

You may be more familiar with my welcomes to new members.  This was one part of my role and responsibilities here as a Forums Ambassador, and I’ll continue to do that.  I also make contributions to forum topics and I’ve written a few articles.

Behind the scenes, I’m one of the staff who help to keep CDH the safe and family-friendly place it is, by screening applications from potential new members, and gently (more or less) advising those that seek what we don’t offer, to look elsewhere.  I also read through forum posts to ensure that our rules and guidelines are adhered to, and I’m involved in other projects and initiatives.  These include helping to plan our CDH@LFF event on the first Friday of August, at which I’ll be one of the “Big Sisters”.  I found and joined CDH in January 2024.  Such is the change in me, I now see my life as divided into ‘Before CDH’ and ‘Since CDH’.

My earliest memory of crossdressing is at age 10 or 11-ish, being fascinated by nylon stockings, not necessarily adorning legs.  I was drawn to the sheer, flimsy fabric.  They were nothing like my male socks.  One late afternoon, returning home after school while Mum was at work (this was in 1965, when it was deemed safe for ten-year-old boys to be home alone for a couple of hours, at least where I lived), curiosity saw me take off a sock and put on one of her nylons.  The other sock was quickly removed as well, and I discovered the addictive swish as I crossed my legs, like I’d seen Mum and other women do.

The next 60 years saw me follow a common path, furtively taking opportunities to do what I could, when I could, feeling wrong and right at the same time, and not really understanding why.  I mentioned “addictive”.  That’s what it felt like, something beyond my control.  I often wished that I could be done with it and just be “normal”, like everyone else.

Since my late teens, I have suffered from depressive episodes – sometimes triggered by unfortunate events, sometimes for no apparent reason.  I sought medical help more than twice and took anti-depressants for around ten years.  I even got referred to a psychologist, who had one hand tied behind his back on my case, since I told him nothing about “my secret”.  I tried going “cold turkey” and just stopping taking the tablets.  It was three times before I managed to stick it out long enough to break the habit.  Thanks to Mum’s belief in alternative treatments (I will never drink cabbage water again!), I tried St John’s Wort and found that it worked as well as any prescribed pharmaceuticals.

One evening in late 2023, about nine or ten years after the last time I had crossdressed, my wife was out somewhere – I can’t remember where, but that’s not important right now.  Out of nowhere came the idea to try on a dress again.  Luckily, my wife has a few of what are now called Boho-style dresses, loose and easy for me to get into.  Once I was wearing one, I thought “a necklace might be nice with this” – so I picked one from her jewellery box and put it on.  I nearly cried as I looked in the mirror and, for the first time ever, saw myself.  A different me, one who recognised the woman looking back.  For the next couple of hours, I just sat in the living room watching something on the television – it doesn’t matter what – I just felt so at peace and right.

Of course, I had to put it all away before my wife came home.  I thought I’d done a fair job until she said, within a minute of arriving, “What have you been in my jewellery box for?”  I didn’t make up an excuse; I told her to sit down and that I had something to talk to her about.  She sat and listened while I opened up honestly about this secret that I’d carried for so long, and how something felt very different that night.  After she’d asked me if I was gay or bi, did I want to be a woman, and was there anything else I’d been keeping secret, she said, “Oh, is that all? You’ll have to get your own stuff, ‘cos you’ll just damage mine”.

The next month or so was spent – and I mean spent! – acquiring clothes, lingerie and shoes. I’ve kept very little of this, to the benefit of the local charity shops, and any crossdressers that may have spotted the size 11 heels and XL dresses.

Thanks to the acceptance and support of my wife, I was finally beginning to understand that there is a female part of me, so I decided to look for an online forum for crossdressers.  I wonder how many crossdressers have looked into first few search results typically returned, and thought, “If that’s me, I want no part of it”, and slunk back into hiding?  I was about to do exactly that, when I saw Crossdresser Heaven, and thought, “one last try”.  I didn’t even spend much time looking through the site.  Something just felt right about it and I signed up.  I could stop here and say that the rest is history, but that’s not how I see it – hence the ‘Before and Since CDH’.  The ‘before’ part is history, everything ‘since’ is Now.

Now, I am complete.  Now, I am happier and more at peace than ever before.  I haven’t needed St John’s Wort or any other anti-depressants since a month after I joined.

Someone suggested that I include a short Q&A … so here it is!

 Tea or coffee?  Tea, unless it’s from a vending machine as their “coffee” tastes more like coffee than their “tea” tastes like tea.
Favourite makeup tip?  Use makeup tape to ensure a clean edge for eyeshadow and winged eyeliner.  This one is a game-changer!
Heels or slippers?  At home, heels, stilettos up to 4” but more often 3” block heels, and always my fluffy mules to slip into later.
Best book or resource for CDs?  Too many to pick just one but “Living with Crossdressing” by Savannah Hauk is a great read, whether or not you plan to have “The Talk”.  I found it helped me understand me better.
Most-asked question you get from CDs?  ”Why can’t I read my private messages?”
Night out or cosy night in?  Most of the time, a cosy night in, interspersed at regular intervals by a visit to our local curry house.  But since LFF last year, I’m also partial to a night out, en femme, accompanied by dear friends from CDH.
Guilty pleasure?  Did I not mention guilt and what you can do with it earlier?  Hmmm, maybe I didn’t, but I’m a big advocate for indulgence, pleasure without guilt.  Buying (and wearing) nice things.  Having a little bread with my butter.
Favourite CDH memory so far?  Meeting friends from here and going out with them.
Motto to live by?  Be the best “me” that I can.

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Allie

I've been crossdressing, in secret, since my teens, with all the emotional joy and despair that brings! Some years ago, however, I told my wife and, to my amazement and happiness, she's been great. I now have a growing collection of clothes and shoes, OMG, shoes! I started with stilettos, high and slim but soon realised they may look gorgeous but I can hardly stand in them, let alone actually walk! I still have a pair of 3" stilleto shoes and ankle boots but I now go for the comfort and practicality of block heels. I'll be 70 this year,2025, as the clock flies but indulging my playful feminine side and bathing in virgin's blood means I don't look or feel anything like it although I have developed a rather ruddy complexion. When I joined CDH I was becoming more comfortable with my feminine side and wanted to share my thoughts and emotions with others like me. Well, that worked out better than expected! Allie now shares my life 50/50 with male me and I couldn't be happier.

Latest posts by Allie (see all)

• 🌟 Staff Spotlight: Meet Allie, Assistant Managing Ambassador, Video 🌟 - May 9, 2025
• A Weekend With Friends - April 29, 2025
• Leeds First Friday, a Real World Adventure – Part Two - October 23, 2024
• Leeds First Friday, a Real World Adventure – Part One - October 19, 2024
• Progress or Reckless Behaviour? I already know the answer. - September 22, 2024

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