How far apart are your worlds?
Every workday when I get up, I get dressed into my company supplied clothes and the last thing I put on, before I walk out the front door, are my steel cap boots. And off to work I go, in my company 4×4 Ute (very manly these days). Sometimes I am wearing panties underneath, and occasionally matched with a camisole and if really cold like it is now I will wear pantyhose as well. Of course this is all well-hidden underneath the corporate drab. So I feel partly femme, but mainly a bloke, as this is the world I live in. This is where the confliction begins.
I am a manager in the auto industry which is totally male dominated and the only women you interact with are generally the office girls in the accounts department, whom I get on really well with. Most of the men that I work with are stereotypical males who are homophobic, sexist and bigoted, but pretend to be tolerant of everyone. But that is the industry, all macho and testosterone. I try not to fall into the same trap, but to be honest, I am probably as bad as they are, as I condone what they do by saying nothing. I have to conform to their version of society while I am at work, but outside of work I can be who I really am, which is one of the reasons why I enjoy my time as Marie so much.
Don’t get me wrong as I do get on well with the team that work for me and we have a lot of laughs during the day, but quite often it is at the expense of someone else. The more that I am Marie, the less comfortable I am at work because we have different views on things and my Marie views are getting stronger. I don’t know how much longer it will be before she starts getting me into trouble. With all the pressures that come with businesses these days and the corporate BS that I have to endure, I dare say that it will be sooner rather than later!
When I am Marie I am pretty much the opposite of my work self. My femme side allows me to be gentle, kind, nurturing, caring and it makes me feel good. Like really good. To the core of my body good. When I do a reasonable job of my makeup and hair I feel pretty and sexy, which is great for your self-esteem. Having your wife say that you look very sexy is also pretty good for your confidence. So overall, I am a better person when I am Marie and I like that person!
I just completed the gender quiz which was posted here a while ago and it said that I was 75% feminine. It is a personality quiz so I am happy with that. But just because I think like a woman, dress like one and try to act like one as much as possible, it doesn’t help me in the real world where acceptance by your peers is never going to happen. So the reality is that I have to suppress my real self and conform to a world, which let’s face it, is pretty messed up at the moment.
There doesn’t seem to be a lot of conversation around work/life balance or the strain it can put on you emotionally. We all discuss what is going on with our SO’s, family and friends, and the trauma that could arise should they find out about our crossdressing, which is very real to all of us, but for me the biggest issue is having to be someone I am not anymore. So hopefully if you are reading this you can relate to my predicament. As each day goes by I am disliking that side of my life more and more and I can’t wait until the time when I get to walk away from it.
My wife is really supportive even though I know she doesn’t fully understand why I want to be Marie, but she certainly understands the work side of my life so perhaps she is being more tolerant with me because of it. She was reading this over my shoulder last night, having a giggle as I typed with long nails on, hitting multiple keys at a time, and she asked did I really feel like that. “Yes” was the answer, so we had a talk about it and she can now understand why I feel that way. It certainly makes it easier to get though life having her support and love.
As she walked away she quipped, I go to bed with another woman in the house and I wake up with a man in my bed. I guess that sums it up!
So girls, to answer my question, how far apart are my worlds? I would say a million miles! How far apart are yours?
Thanks for reading my story and feel free to answer my question above if you work in a macho job with a bunch of macho men who you can’t ever expect them to understand your thrill of cross dressing.