How far apart are your worlds?
Every workday when I get up, I get dressed into my company supplied clothes and the last thing I put on, before I walk out the front door, are my steel cap boots. And off to work I go, in my company 4×4 Ute (very manly these days). Sometimes I am wearing panties underneath, and occasionally matched with a camisole and if really cold like it is now I will wear pantyhose as well. Of course this is all well-hidden underneath the corporate drab. So I feel partly femme, but mainly a bloke, as this is the world I live in. This is where the confliction begins.
I am a manager in the auto industry which is totally male dominated and the only women you interact with are generally the office girls in the accounts department, whom I get on really well with. Most of the men that I work with are stereotypical males who are homophobic, sexist and bigoted, but pretend to be tolerant of everyone. But that is the industry, all macho and testosterone. I try not to fall into the same trap, but to be honest, I am probably as bad as they are, as I condone what they do by saying nothing. I have to conform to their version of society while I am at work, but outside of work I can be who I really am, which is one of the reasons why I enjoy my time as Marie so much.
Don’t get me wrong as I do get on well with the team that work for me and we have a lot of laughs during the day, but quite often it is at the expense of someone else. The more that I am Marie, the less comfortable I am at work because we have different views on things and my Marie views are getting stronger. I don’t know how much longer it will be before she starts getting me into trouble. With all the pressures that come with businesses these days and the corporate BS that I have to endure, I dare say that it will be sooner rather than later!
When I am Marie I am pretty much the opposite of my work self. My femme side allows me to be gentle, kind, nurturing, caring and it makes me feel good. Like really good. To the core of my body good. When I do a reasonable job of my makeup and hair I feel pretty and sexy, which is great for your self-esteem. Having your wife say that you look very sexy is also pretty good for your confidence. So overall, I am a better person when I am Marie and I like that person!
I just completed the gender quiz which was posted here a while ago and it said that I was 75% feminine. It is a personality quiz so I am happy with that. But just because I think like a woman, dress like one and try to act like one as much as possible, it doesn’t help me in the real world where acceptance by your peers is never going to happen. So the reality is that I have to suppress my real self and conform to a world, which let’s face it, is pretty messed up at the moment.
There doesn’t seem to be a lot of conversation around work/life balance or the strain it can put on you emotionally. We all discuss what is going on with our SO’s, family and friends, and the trauma that could arise should they find out about our crossdressing, which is very real to all of us, but for me the biggest issue is having to be someone I am not anymore. So hopefully if you are reading this you can relate to my predicament. As each day goes by I am disliking that side of my life more and more and I can’t wait until the time when I get to walk away from it.
My wife is really supportive even though I know she doesn’t fully understand why I want to be Marie, but she certainly understands the work side of my life so perhaps she is being more tolerant with me because of it. She was reading this over my shoulder last night, having a giggle as I typed with long nails on, hitting multiple keys at a time, and she asked did I really feel like that. “Yes” was the answer, so we had a talk about it and she can now understand why I feel that way. It certainly makes it easier to get though life having her support and love.
As she walked away she quipped, I go to bed with another woman in the house and I wake up with a man in my bed. I guess that sums it up!
So girls, to answer my question, how far apart are my worlds? I would say a million miles! How far apart are yours?
Thanks for reading my story and feel free to answer my question above if you work in a macho job with a bunch of macho men who you can’t ever expect them to understand your thrill of cross dressing.
Sincerely, Marie
Latest posts by Marie Law (see all)
- Steelcaps to Stilettos - July 31, 2021
Wow Marie. I certainly know that feeling. I am a union construction worker. And my wife does not approve me cross dressing. So I just keep it from myself and everyone around me. I come to this site/ forum to try and gain acceptance. Thank you for sharing your story.
Hi Andi
Acceptance is guaranteed here no matter what walk of life you come from, and from all the comments, we are a diverse group of girls.
Marie, I work in software, and while it is a male dominated field, there isn’t the macho attitudes. So I would say I don’t work in a field that is completely different to my own opinions. But two related statements you made caught my eye and I just had to comment. Don’t take it as accusatory or pointing blame, but rather as something we all need to learn from. The two statements were “we have a lot of laughs during the day, but quite often it is at the expense of someone else", and “I am probably as bad as they are, as… Read more »
I absolutely agree with your comments Alison and I am glad that you have a workplace that is relatively tolerant of everyone.
I worked in a machine shop for 40+ years before retiring. Since then I’ve worked maintenance jobs. So I understand the macho/garbagemouth jokes. Especially the last few years, more ladies have taken up this career, so things have “cleaned" up just a little. I worked with a few lesbians. Even a couple of m2f transgenders. So I’ve overheard many conversations about this subject. And I would just have to suck it up. While I didn’t join them, I guess I did tolerate it.
As you say Gwyneth things are improving as more women are accepted in jobs that were in the past the domain of men only. But sadly we are not where we should be even with all PC rules of today.
I was in a management/ownership position most of my working adult life. I had a policy, even when it was unusual for the times, of no tolerance of bigotry towards others because of gender, race, religion, etc. My parents couldn’t have cared less about a person color or creed. They just didn’t, I have no idea why. Whenever I heard it, or heard about it taking place in my businesses, I quickly put an end to it. I had female employees thank me for it. They liked the idea of guys not grabbing, touching them inappropriately, etc. or the sexist… Read more »
I grew up the same Kristen. I wasn’t really aware that there was such a thing as racism or bigotry. I made friends with people that I liked no matter what colour of skin they had or which church they went to, and I have always treated people as equals. I don’t recall my parents trying to instil this upon me, it’s just the way we were.
I have always said that a companies culture comes from the top and good for you for creating a tolerant culture.
Yes it’s a definately a double life and sometimes even feel as if I am a double agent as I witness what is truly said or felt when there is no longer mixed company within earshot. One thing I do notice is that there is a mob rules type of thing that occurs too. Most all men are capable of a more tender or sensitive side when not in the companionship of several others. Probably a trait that many girlfriends and wives find in how their men respond as big teddy bears or as sweet great guys. Men in the… Read more »
I believe Joeanne that you have got it absolutely correct. Males behave differently when in a pack than they do when alone with a woman, and as I said, I am guilty of that behaviour as well. Are we wired that way?