How far apart are your worlds?
Every workday when I get up, I get dressed into my company supplied clothes and the last thing I put on, before I walk out the front door, are my steel cap boots. And off to work I go, in my company 4×4 Ute (very manly these days). Sometimes I am wearing panties underneath, and occasionally matched with a camisole and if really cold like it is now I will wear pantyhose as well. Of course this is all well-hidden underneath the corporate drab. So I feel partly femme, but mainly a bloke, as this is the world I live in. This is where the confliction begins.
I am a manager in the auto industry which is totally male dominated and the only women you interact with are generally the office girls in the accounts department, whom I get on really well with. Most of the men that I work with are stereotypical males who are homophobic, sexist and bigoted, but pretend to be tolerant of everyone. But that is the industry, all macho and testosterone. I try not to fall into the same trap, but to be honest, I am probably as bad as they are, as I condone what they do by saying nothing. I have to conform to their version of society while I am at work, but outside of work I can be who I really am, which is one of the reasons why I enjoy my time as Marie so much.
Don’t get me wrong as I do get on well with the team that work for me and we have a lot of laughs during the day, but quite often it is at the expense of someone else. The more that I am Marie, the less comfortable I am at work because we have different views on things and my Marie views are getting stronger. I don’t know how much longer it will be before she starts getting me into trouble. With all the pressures that come with businesses these days and the corporate BS that I have to endure, I dare say that it will be sooner rather than later!
When I am Marie I am pretty much the opposite of my work self. My femme side allows me to be gentle, kind, nurturing, caring and it makes me feel good. Like really good. To the core of my body good. When I do a reasonable job of my makeup and hair I feel pretty and sexy, which is great for your self-esteem. Having your wife say that you look very sexy is also pretty good for your confidence. So overall, I am a better person when I am Marie and I like that person!
I just completed the gender quiz which was posted here a while ago and it said that I was 75% feminine. It is a personality quiz so I am happy with that. But just because I think like a woman, dress like one and try to act like one as much as possible, it doesn’t help me in the real world where acceptance by your peers is never going to happen. So the reality is that I have to suppress my real self and conform to a world, which let’s face it, is pretty messed up at the moment.
There doesn’t seem to be a lot of conversation around work/life balance or the strain it can put on you emotionally. We all discuss what is going on with our SO’s, family and friends, and the trauma that could arise should they find out about our crossdressing, which is very real to all of us, but for me the biggest issue is having to be someone I am not anymore. So hopefully if you are reading this you can relate to my predicament. As each day goes by I am disliking that side of my life more and more and I can’t wait until the time when I get to walk away from it.
My wife is really supportive even though I know she doesn’t fully understand why I want to be Marie, but she certainly understands the work side of my life so perhaps she is being more tolerant with me because of it. She was reading this over my shoulder last night, having a giggle as I typed with long nails on, hitting multiple keys at a time, and she asked did I really feel like that. “Yes” was the answer, so we had a talk about it and she can now understand why I feel that way. It certainly makes it easier to get though life having her support and love.
As she walked away she quipped, I go to bed with another woman in the house and I wake up with a man in my bed. I guess that sums it up!
So girls, to answer my question, how far apart are my worlds? I would say a million miles! How far apart are yours?
Thanks for reading my story and feel free to answer my question above if you work in a macho job with a bunch of macho men who you can’t ever expect them to understand your thrill of cross dressing.
Sincerely, Marie
So I’m a union consruction worker In one of the largest city’s in the world and when you say macho men the guys around me is that I work with a man whom showed up to work after getting shot earlier. If someone complements you there are considered gay sissy or weak! We are a ruff bunch of dirty assholes, but out of work I bath in all women’s lavender soaps and facial creams and lotions, I wear soft lularoe women’s clouthing and soft fuzzy women’s pajamas I own ugg boats and love your Melon hats I got to the… Read more »
Thanks for replying. It just goes to show that we come from all walks of life and most of us girls have a lot in common.
Take care.
Your article very much hit home with me. I have thought about this subject often when I covered in dirt, grease, and sweat. Such polar opposite worlds that we occupy simultaneously.
It certainly is a bit like Jekyll & Hyde!
Have always worked in very male dominated work place’s doing fairly manual work. I enjoy that type of work but wouldn’t dream of revealing my feminine side at any of the place’s I have previously worked. Do feel at odds with my two lives at times and would be impossible I feel to combine the two openly. Do wonder sometimes how many guys hide behind the macho image in public. Afraid to show any sign of being less manly.
I think that there is a lot more of us girls out there than we think. Hopefully they all find their way to CDH.
Same as you completely agree with your comments
At least we have each other for support Caroline.
I can totally relate to everything I just read. I work in a metal fabrication shop where even the women are manly. They would not understand why I’m wearing panties if they knew. The first thing I do when I get home is change into something feminine. I spend weekends with my wife and we hangout as girlfriends. Usually casual but sometimes getting dressed up with full makeup. But then it’s back to the grind on Monday morning.
You are very lucky like me, to be able to share your femme side with your wife. We do the same, just chilling out as girlfriends, sometimes fully made up but usually casually dressed.
I work in a union warehouse full of men. What women they have brought into the warehouse never last long due to the job being physically demanding. I do wear my panties and bras to work everyday. No one knows I have them on. Once I get my sweatshirt and freezer suit on. I hear all kinds of talk regarding women. I am like you in a way. I say nothing. The only women I do talk with at work which I get along really well with. Work in the office as well. I can’t wait to get home and… Read more »
It is so much easier to talk to the girls in the office. I think they like me because I treat them better and respect them.
I work for a very large blue chip corporation that has strict policies regarding gender, race, age, sexuality etc. However, even as high up in the company as I am, I don’t think I would survive long in the corporate world if I came out ….. I think life would become very difficult for me, particularly as my role has a lot of customer interaction.
So, I’ll stay the course that life has directed for me and play the game.
I can live with that….
Hugs
Stacey xxx
I understand exactly what you are saying Stacey. But I bet your company ‘values’ paint a different picture, I know mine do.
I was in law enforcement and private security for almost 40 years. If fellow coworkers had found out about my femme side my life would have been difficult to say the least. Many of us in our community have macho jobs. We come from all different places and different occupations. I find that comforting. The feeling of being alone left me when years ago I met another CD/TG in a similar position as mine.
That would be a very uncompromising profession to be in. I am glad you have found someone who you can share with.
Over the years I have met so many interesting people in our community. I was at Keystone one year and had a great conversation with a surgeon from Brazil. We were seated at the same table at the luncheon. The feeling of not being alone is a wonderful thinf
Marie, You were writing my story…right up to the supportive wife. I to, have for a long time crossdressed and underdressed for most of my life with a few breaks of trying to “kick the habit." I feel so comfortable when I can wear a bra, panty, and sometimes hosiery. I recently had a short talk with my wife and explained to her that this made me comfortable and I was ok with who/where I was. She told me that if I wear a bra, people will be able to tell. I replied that I don’t think clothing has a… Read more »
I know it is really difficult for our wives to understand Marlie, and I realise that I am extremely fortunate to have such a supportive wife. You do need to be careful with what can be seen especially if you are wearing bras to work but during winter you can just wear a jersey over the top and you can’t see anything.
Just take baby steps with your wife and she may become more accepting.
‘Steelcaps to Stilettos’…
Sounds like the title of a CD/TG movie…
Gen ♥️
Any volunteers for the lead role?
Grace…