Born in 1962, my journey began around five years of age when my stepmother dressed me in panties, bra, and a dress to go trick or treating. I didn’t particularly want to but I wanted to go out with my brothers and sisters so I gave in and put them on. As the night went by I felt very comfortable wearing those clothes. Something clicked inside my mind as I began to realize something was wrong but could not figure it out. When I got back home that night I lay in bed thinking, wondering if I should have been born a girl.

From that time I experimented, trying on my sister’s clothes when she wasn’t around and each time I did it felt to me that my thinking was right, that I was the wrong gender. My mind was in turmoil because I didn’t know what to do; I was a girl in a boy’s body. There was no-one I could talk to, so I decided to keep this secret to myself because I was afraid everyone would laugh and torment me. I didn’t want that.

Time went by, days turned to weeks and the weeks to years. In 1988 I married for the first time but I didn’t say a word about the deep, dark secret I carried. Our first child, a boy, was born the following year and things went on. A daughter arrived in 1990 but life was taking a toll on me. More and more I wanted to dress as a woman but knew that I could not because of the children. The result of the inner turmoil was that I ended up in a psychiatric hospital for three days. Although I talked with doctors and counsellors I never gave up my secret. All I told them about was my childhood.
Upon my release I returned home to an empty house because my wife had gone out of town for a friend’s wedding. She was due to be gone for the whole week and so with the house to myself I let loose bringing out my bras, panties and a dress.

Crossdresser Heaven - Find Your Tribe

Even though my wife didn’t know about my crossdressing things between us were falling apart. She told me that she was pregnant with our third child but though I tried my best to do what was right, things didn’t work out and a divorce followed soon after the birth of our second daughter. A couple of years later I found someone else and married again. We joined a carnival and then spent two years travelling around the US with it before returning to North Carolina to be near my wife’s family.

One night, after my wife and I talked about fantasies, I decided that it was time to let Stephenie out of the closet so I told her my secret. She was quite shocked but she accepted, so well that she said we needed to tell the others in the carnival. The next morning we let everybody at the carnival know about Stephenie. We even gave her a party after work to celebrate her coming out. From then on I didn’t look back, Stephenie was out and I didn’t care who knew.

After we returned to North Carolina we tried to keep Stephenie a secret but I got caught and the word was out. They tolerated it for a while but eventually we moved. Sadly, after seventeen years together we divorced. For the next few years I had occasional girlfriends but was always searching for the right one. Finally, in 2011 I found her and from the outset I didn’t keep any secrets. We were very happy together for five years before tragedy struck and she died from congestive heart failure. Alone, heartbroken and grieving I turned to friends but they let me down..

Moving on with my life was all I could do and one day a nurse from my health care service gave me some advice about support groups. Although I was sceptical at first I went online and there I found Crossdresser Heaven. It has turned out to be more than I’d ever dreamed of. CDH has become the family I didn’t know I had. The tears still come sometimes but mostly now they are tears of joy for the happiness I have found. Thank you so much CDH.

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single 55 disabled live alone been a cross dresser in hiding since I was 7 started coming out back in 1995. Now I am on a life long dream that is coming true and Im enjoying every moment of it.

Latest posts by Pinkie (see all)

  1. Tanya Freeman 1 year ago

    I’ve been crossdresser for omnnly a short time 4 years now one knows except me i would love to meet someone who could be with me if and when I come out . You story being a bit of happy and sad very beautiful. Ps. I’m almost 60 years old and I should have done it 40 year’s ago

  2. Wembii Smith 1 year ago

    Hi I’m feeling wonderful and feminine reading some of these post but I can’t find anylike minded sissies to talk too , am I the only sissie girl ?
    I like pink sissy frilly panties maids outfits pink silky petticoats lipstick heels being spanked dressing up with other sissies is a lot of fun please be my sissy friend xx

    • Author
      Pinkie 1 year ago

      Would love to be friends with you and talk sissie stuff but that brooches on a subject that is taboo here and can only be talked about elsewhere like private messages or through other communications area like hang out or skype.

  3. Author
    Pinkie 1 year ago

    Thank you Again Ladies for all the new comments they are very heart felt.

  4. Nikki 1 year ago

    wow what a story. You are so brave i know you say you got caught but you never denied it either. That is saying something. We are all proud ofyou.

  5. Dot (Donna B) 2 years ago

    Pinkie thank you for sharing some of your life. I am so sorry for the loss of your girlfriend just as life was coming together for you. I am so very happy to have met you and glad you found our family here. Hugs and much love Steph….

    Donna xxx

  6. Tammy 2 years ago

    Hi Steph. thank you for a wonderful story
    i had a tear ot two reading it because it a bit like me. I wise you lots of happiness as Steph
    Love & hugs
    Tammy xx

  7. Victoria 2 years ago

    What a beautiful story. I see so much of my own story reading this. Maybe someday I will post my own story. And I agree, CDH is really becoming a second home.

    Hugs and kisses girlfriend
    <3 Victoria

  8. Anastasia 2 years ago

    Hi Stephenie, what a story, what a journey. Thanks for sharing your experience. Regards Anastasia

  9. Patty Michelle 2 years ago


    What a powerful story about your journey. I am so glad that I can call you a friend. You are wonderful person and I am glad you are here with us.

    Hugs and a Rose to you….

  10. Stephenie – I know all too well the toll that trying to hide who you really are can have on your marriage, your work, and just your overall ability to enjoy life. You have been through so much, and yet you have still found the ability to be the person you want to be. I am so glad that you have found us here at CDH, and that you have shared with us your journey to this point. I really enjoy talking with you in the chat room, and I am glad you consider us “family”.

    Keep moving forward hon!


  11. Vera Jane Gonsalves 2 years ago

    Stephenie with an E, the woman who always welcomes new comers to the chat room….. thank you for sharing your story……

  12. janedon 2 years ago

    Lets all hope(& make every effort) to make things Easier for the younger people coming up behind us–Not just let them suffer in silence the way we had to-

  13. Jasmine 2 years ago

    Many thanks for sharing your story with us. It is who you are. Be happy. I am glad this is working out for you.

  14. TinaPanties 2 years ago

    hi Stephenie.
    being disable must make everything more difficult.

  15. Leonara 2 years ago

    Hi Stephanie,
    Thank you so much for sharing your story with us. I love you on chat. You are so welcoming.
    You certainly have friends here at CDH
    Warm regards, Leonara

  16. skippy1965(Cynthia) 2 years ago

    We are SO glad you found us too! Wow I thought I had a lot of tragedies in life but you certainly had your share too. I admire you for continuing to put yourself out there in relationships. I was married for 13 years to a lady who gave me wonderful kids but couldn’t tolerate my dressing(though in fairness to her, perhaps she recognized the TG issues behind the CD before I did myself) and even then SHE asked ME out! 🙂 Thank you for sharing our story-I am sure it will resonate with many others here!

  17. Author
    Pinkie 2 years ago

    Thank you ladies, and a deep heart felt Thank you to CDH you have done what I didn’t think was possible. CDH will always be my home no matter where my journey may take me.

  18. Jesse Nicole(Smokey) 2 years ago

    Glad you found us Stephanie. Now you are part of a wonderful family! Losing loved ones is so terrible, hopefully you will stay with us here and we will grow together!

  19. Jenny1323 2 years ago

    Oh wow steph what a great story. I’m am sorry for your loss I love chatting with you on here and I couldn’t agree more how great this site for girls like us. Wow the carnival how awesome is that

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