Soon after I had suffered a second case of the dreaded whiplash, I began having the obligatory difficult conversations with my newly revealed crossdressing husband, “Michayla.” I was reading a book about crossdressing and I discussed a part of it with Michayla that I didn’t understand. The part in question talked about the author coming home from work in male form and beginning the long process of becoming his femme self in order to relax. It was something along the lines of spending an hour or two doing makeup and selecting a wig, donning the padding and breast forms, cinching a corset tight before putting on a dress, and then pulling up the silky pantyhose and slipping on a ridiculously high set of heels. Again, this was all in order to RELAX?

I explained to Michayla what I had read, and how absurd I thought it was. I didn’t feel that any genetic girl would view such an arduous process as “relaxing.” A genetic girl would find it to be quite the opposite!  Michayla disagreed with me. Michayla felt it would be a wonderful and relaxing evening despite the effort required to achieve such top-tier relaxation. I postulated that there is nothing relaxing about coming home from work and transforming into the opposite gender. Michayla saw the value in what the author was saying and I argued that I would not find anything enjoyable or relaxing if I came home and transformed into some guy named “Steve.”  Michayla scoffed at the idea of me transforming into a man for the evening. Why? Because the notion was so over the top that it made him laugh out loud. That’s right, Michayla laughed at the suggestion of me becoming Steve, yet stood firm in the idea of a man transforming into a woman for the evening to relax was a reasonable thing for someone to do. I decided to paint a mental picture for Michayla in order for him to see it from where I was standing.  

This is Steve’s story:

My male persona is Steve. Steve first made an appearance when I was a young girl. I had the urge to sneak into my father’s closet when my parents were away and I would try on many of his things. It started with his boxers, then I added a tie, and eventually, I would wear his button-up shirts, dress pants, and dress shoes. I liked to put on his clothes and study myself in the floor-length mirror. I pretended I was a businessman who made lots of money and got to be the boss of everyone. When they were available, I would add his fedora and briefcase to complete the look. Sometimes I would put a little of his deodorant on or just a dab of his cologne. I liked to comb my hair with his comb and I might sneak in a little bit of pomade if I knew I was going to hop in the shower before he got home. I was always careful to put his things away just as they were so I didn’t get caught. Sometimes his starched office shirts would have a little bit of wrinkling but if he noticed, he never said anything to me. 

Koala Swim

As I got older, I tucked Steve away and focused on dating and going to school. Once in a while, the urge to dress manly bubbled up inside of me and I would wear a pair of my boyfriend’s boxers or a flannel shirt to tide me over. This is not something boyfriends tend to enjoy so I tried to be pretty good about hiding it.

Once I was able to have a place of my own, I could fully indulge in my masculine fantasies. I was single for a few years and I made a point to dress after work and on weekends. The urge to dress as a boy ebbed and flowed but it was never completely satiated enough to go away.  While I was happy to be Steve freely, I also started to long for the companionship of a boyfriend.  I decided if I wanted a serious boyfriend and marriage someday, Steve would have to go. I loved being Steve and it felt good but I needed to move past this and get on with my life. I knew that once I had a serious boyfriend, the urge to dress as a male would die down. I packed up Steve’s clothes and accoutrements and tossed them in the dumpster behind the building where I live. I felt a sting of regret as I walked away, but I felt this was the only way to move forward in my life.

Fast forward to the present day where I am married to the wonderful man of my dreams. We have good jobs, nice cars, and a beautiful home. I never told my husband about Steve because I thought that was all in the past. Somewhere along the way, I felt the tug of desire creep back into my subconscious. I started dreaming of Steve throughout my day, and fantasizing about becoming him. I began to sneak into my husband’s clothing when he was at the store or if I knew he would be home late from the office. 

At first, it was boxers and an undershirt here and there, but eventually I needed more and more.  One day I had to run an errand at the mall during my lunch hour and that’s when it all changed.  I found myself window shopping for men’s t-shirts and hats. While dormant, Steve had evolved into everything I believed a manly man to be. That day at the mall turned into many and soon I had a collection of things for Steve. I tucked it all carefully away in places I knew my husband would never find them. I had a stash hidden in the kitchen pantry, one in my sewing box, I even had work boots and high tops behind the washer and dryer!

En Femme Style

On rare occasions, my husband has to do jobs out of town and I would have the house to myself for an evening or two. When I know he has an out-of-town job coming up I stop shaving my underarms and legs at least a week in advance. My husband doesn’t like it but I tell him my skin is irritated and needs a break from daily shaving. The day he leaves is so special and I spend a great deal of time becoming Steve. I use my eyebrow pencil to draw a nice thick mustache on my face and then I use some matte eyeshadow to give the illusion of a five-o-clock shadow. For these occasions, I have some briefs that I wear that will accommodate my packer (that is what they call a fake penis). I love feeling the weight in my briefs and the lovely bulge that it gives me. Next, I bind my breasts and add some of my husband’s deodorant. I put on a white tank top. Over that, I put on a t-shirt (this one says “you ain’t a redneck unless you got a beard”) and a flannel shirt. I put on some rugged jeans, socks, and a pair of steel-toed boots. I spritz myself with my husband’s cologne and get to work on my hair. I like to slick down the front part with pomade and then pull the rest into a ponytail that I bobby-pin to the top of my head. I put on a ball cap with “John Deere” on the front and mesh in the back to complete my look.

I spend my evening watching football even though I don’t really enjoy the game, but it makes me feel manly. I grill myself a steak using a small charcoal grill and I eat it with just a potato on the side. I take my time nursing a beer. I don’t love beer so much as the feel of the can in my hand.  As Steve, I swear more and burp more. I walk differently and I carry myself differently.  I make extra trips to the bathroom to check myself out. I frequently touch the front of my pants because I love the feeling of the manliness below the denim of my jeans. I know that I don’t pass well as a man so doing these extra things helps me make that leap into feeling like a manly man. For this short time, I feel relaxed and fulfilled. I am Steve…

Hopefully, Steve made you laugh a little bit while also helping you to see things from another point of view. When I learn about new things, I like to understand them fully, from all angles, and I hope I have done this for you. I hope Steve’s story helps to illustrate how challenging it can be for us to understand when we learn our husband is a crossdresser. 

Much love,

Betty

Exceptional Voice

 

 

More Articles by Betty Rockwell

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Erika Bell
1 month ago

I like your point here. Most of the ladies here would be absolutely flummoxed if their wives suddenly wanted to be more manly. You paint a great picture. One that im sure the FtM people probably experience. I dont know I’ve not heard many of their stories. But I think the take away, for me at least, is that this lifestyle is a lot and to expect a person to be 100% on board day one is absurd. It may get there but this is a process, for good or for bad. Trying to see from the other POV will… Read more »

Last edited 1 month ago by Erika Bell
Holly Morris
Active Member
1 month ago

Hi Betty, thanks for writing this and sharing it with us. It’s confusing, I’ll give you that, so let me try to see if I can explain it a bit, or at least give you another perspective from my own personal experience. You’re right, a genetic woman would not (and typically does not) understand how a man would say that it is relaxing to come home from work and then spend hours transforming himself into the opposite gender. It doesn’t make any sense. And on that point, you’re correct, it doesn’t make any sense. But from our point, the point… Read more »

Holly Morris
Active Member
1 month ago
Reply to  Betty Rockwell

Hi Betty. You won’t understand it. No woman will or does. And most of us don’t either. Because like I said earlier, it doesn’t make sense. I also fully understand your frustration and your hurt (because yes, I can tell, you are hurting). While I don’t know you and your husband’s exact situation, I can give you some insight, again from my personal experience. Now that he’s come out to you, your husband right now is probably feeling a sense of freedom to be Michayla, and as such, is reveling in that freedom. So much so that he is literally… Read more »

Fiona Black
Active Member
1 month ago
Reply to  Betty Rockwell

Betty, Unfortunately what you are feeling and going through right now is very common among wives who have learned of their husband’s crossdressing. You are not alone. If you want to learn more about other wives in this situation read Helen Boyd’s book “My Husband Betty” about the difficulties she & other wives faced in dealing with CD’ing spouses. She doesn’t hold anything back & tells it like it is. I think many CD’s have not fully thought through the level of impact their CD’ing can have on a wife or significant other. Many men have major problems in two… Read more »

Brittany Barnesworth
Reply to  Betty Rockwell

Hello Betty. Thank you for writing this article! It perfectly highlights the ridiculousness of this compulsion we feel…at least from a surface level. From this perspective, it’s easy to see why so many (CD and partner alike) give up on trying to understand this facet of our personalities. It just seems absurd really.   Not that you need affirmation for how you feel, but you deserve to have your needs met too, full stop. Finding a satisfying balance in a relationship is difficult, even without this affliction/gift/curse/hobby in the mix. Based on your contributions at CH, you are clearly intelligent and wise,… Read more »

Raquel Smith
Active Member
1 month ago

Betty (Steve), Flipping the coin, you’re right, most men would not except Steve. That would make them gay, right? Not really. But we’re not “most men”. In my situation, Steve would be welcomed with open arms if it meant acceptance of Raquel was reciprocal. Speaking for myself, I think, as a crossdresser, I would totally understand where my SO was coming from. So, even in this scenario, it’s hard for me to see where you’re coming from. I understand, but I can’t relate. I hope you and Michayla continue being open and honest like it seems you are. Be sure… Read more »

MacKenzie Alexandra
Managing Ambassador
Member
1 month ago

Betty,

Thanx for sharing your thoughts. Though there is an humorous aire to your words, there is also a serious truth to them. While I will admit that I have not considered these conclusions in the past, I do have to agree that we (crossdressing husbands) cannot expect our loving spouses to understand and accept our feelings and desires for feminine attire and appearance, if cannot fathom the reverse in our spouses.

MacKenzie Alexandra

Natasha Inaskirt
Member
1 month ago

It’s a great point and if my wife wanted to do that occasionally I would be happy to support her either as Natasha or the male me. It would be hypocritical to do otherwise, besides I love her and if it makes her happy I’m all for it.

I wonder if you should do it one day just to see how Michayla perceives it. I wonder in your scenario would you go so far as to both change gender based clothes to help the other party understand. You become him, and he become her so to speak?

Gabriela Romani
Managing Ambassador
Trusted Member
1 month ago

Betty, thank you so much for writing this article. Had a similar conversation with my wife years ago. It was an eye-opener.

Oh, I wonder how a non-crossdressing husband would feel if some other Steve added “I’m more masculine than my husband”… 🙂

Amy Catrelle
Member
1 month ago

This is a great article Betty, and proves there is a lot of truth in humour. My immediate reaction was “yes, but…” Women can wear men’s clothes and be accepted (with the caveat that they are always being judged on their looks), but that’s ignoring the subject of your piece. If I met ‘Steve’ (wearing false beard and ‘packer’) I’m sure I’d have to stop myself from asking: “Are you a lesbian? Do you want to be a man?” I’m aware of the irony. You’ve proven your point. I really hope you and your husband can work things out, not… Read more »

Pattie Obarito
Member
1 month ago

It might be helpful to think of what he does as a sort of hobby. It isn’t, but for the moment let’s make the comparison.   You look at all the effort and trouble that he has to do to “relax.” All this effort to create an image, with uncomfortable clothes and everything that goes with it. on the surface, it makes no sense. as a GG, you do all these things and they are a chore.   but consider a guy with a project car in his garage. he comes home from a long day at work and heads out to the garage to relax by… Read more »

Stevie Johnson
Member
1 month ago

My late wife never talked about an alternative identity or cross dressing. She was very feminine lady when we got together. (I was a closet cross dresser since puberty, She did not know this at the time). And just as Betty did I tossed out all the bras, slips, stockings, panties and nightgowns. (So I could be a real man for my new wife). After a couple years and seeing pictures of her and talking to her and her family I saw she was a tomboy growing up (she didn’t really like the girly things) I was fine with that… Read more »

Sarah Kanter
Active Member
1 month ago

This is really great. When I teach classes in sociology, I always use exercises like this to help students think about things differently. “Flipping” things around like this is a powerful tool for thinking about established norms that are taken for granted. Its kind of odd to think how here we are on a “deviant” website and need a bit of the same medicine. For what its worth, even as a man I am not like Steve, and don’t get all g with those kind of men. I also don’t dress up to relax, but since I go to work… Read more »

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